I Can't Sing
by iXhaveXnoXlife
Summary: After years of suffering and loneliness, it seems Gaara might actually find someone in his life. However, like all attempts to reach total happiness, there are prices to pay. Yaoi in chapter ten. Please review, alert, favorite, etc. if you wish.
1. Folksinger

**Rating:** T; for smoking references

**Pairing: **Possible LeeXGaara

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but this story and myself. Sadly, Ani DiFranco isn't mine either.

**Warnings: **I'm known for run-on sentences. I just believe that saying more in one sentence leads to profoundness more than I do saying short sentences (although I believe in those, too). Lyrics are in italics. I did not do this in MicroSoft Word, so there was no spell check. Also... the characters' personalities will probably be off horribly in some spots, but damn it--I can only try so hard before it starts sounding too bad.

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**The Little Folksinger.**

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There were days I could honestly say, "I didn't want to be here." These were the days that drove me away from the rest of the world. These were the days I wanted to cut myself off emotionally and say to those who asked out of pure respect, "I'm fine." Course, it wasn't like people actually cared if I was feeling depressed or not.

Maybe today wasn't the best day to go out for a harmless drive to a coffee shop filled with folk singer's music, chain smokers in leather jackets, and women with bizarre hair colors who thought wearing push pins through their dimples was a new fashion trend yet to be discovered—it was raining. It was coming down hard enough, that's for sure. The lightening struck in various places, never hitting the same place twice, and the thunder was pounding valiantly along side it.

Finally, I was nearby a coffee shop. It was small and white. The red and blue lights that shone looked misty in the twilight rain, and for a minute, I swore I could see huge, thick puffs of smoke were clogging the windows. The sign read, "Misty Bean." A rather interesting name, I thought; but it was a coffee shop, and coffee shops weren't filled with high school cliques at such a late night.

Inside, it was dark and smoky. The lights were dim; there were small tables all about with a bar in the back and stools. The floor was a funky colored carpet with clashes of dark colors that didn't blend. The tables were mahogany with ashtrays in the center. There were two chairs per table, with the exception of the bar containing several stools. There was a stadium to the left of the bar, and on top of it, was a woman sitting on a typical stool strumming a guitar and singing with a distinct voice.

Finding myself to be feeling rather awkward and embarrassed, I took a seat at a table in the far corner, nearby the stadium. A woman came up to me with her hair pulled back in a careless ponytail, wearing the selected uniform all employees were given; struck a pose that said, "I honestly don't care what you want I'm just here for money." She didn't say anything at first, as if expecting me to automatically tell her what I wanted, and gave me an irritated look. Her eyes were narrow and harsh, her body was thin, her face was long and brutal, and the way her eyebrows stayed so sharp and arched told me that she was probably here as a last resort in a means to make money. She scowled at me and plopped a menu down on my table before walking away. I gave her a slightly confused look, but picked up the laminated folder anyway.

Inside, there were various different types of coffee from several different locations. There were coffees, mochas, lattes, and so forth. Honestly, I was more in the mood for a hot mocha and mints, strange as it was. Sighing heavily, I closed the laminated folder and set it down on the table, casually bringing my arms up so I could rest my chin on my hands, waiting patiently for the short-tempered girl to return. When she did, I told her right off what I wanted so she could write down my order briskly and get out of my hair as soon as possible. She returned a few minutes later with my mocha and a big bowl of mints. Maybe I'll tip her for getting me more mints than I expected, I thought.

Although, I couldn't help but listen to the woman with her guitar singing her vocals with that distinct and unique voice of hers. It was strange because I found most women nowadays were rappers, hip-hop artists, R&B vocalists, country singers, or rockers. She sounded more like a folksinger with her classical facial features, untamed brown and blond hair pulled back into a ponytail that reminded me of dread locks, and a thick body. She bore a heart-warming smile on her face as she sang and looked about the crowd. She looked completely approachable to anybody who was interested. She looked over at me and nodded her head politely to silently say, "Hi," before looking back at her guitar, then the crowd. I looked at the crowd—they were completely infatuated with this woman's voice. I had to admit, I myself was enticed by such a unique voice. And coming from a woman so short!

Taking tiny sips from my mocha, I listened intently on what was coming out of her mouth.

The woman's voice was indeed something mesmerizing and memorable to the ear. To the eye, she wasn't—in my opinion—one of the most beautifully attractive women in the world; but her one-of-a-kind personality and take on life was something to be admired. This woman was definitely courageous—she didn't put her songs on the radio, she didn't use flyers to show her existence, she didn't do anything like that. Her existence was spread like a burning candle's flame around the nation from mouth to mouth from the fans themselves. They believed an artist who would put their whole beings into their songs and discussed anything and everything was someone to be admired. She was blunt but profound, saying as much as one could possibly say in as little words as possible. But it was nonetheless, something beautiful to hear.

I took a sip of my mocha and popped a mint into my mouth; savoring the freshness it granted my mouth. Why was I upset earlier today? I think I forgot. I checked my watch: 11:48. It couldn't seriously be that late already. Ah, well. It wasn't like I had anybody to come home to. Nobody to hug me when I walk through the front door and tell me they love me. Nobody who would worry about why I was coming home so late. Nobody to care if I died in a car crash and cry when they found my body. Maybe that was why I was so nihilistic earlier this afternoon.

The doorbell rang, causing me to wake from my thoughts to see whom this person was walking through the door so late in the evening. My breath hitched in my throat, a brief moment where I had actually forgotten how to breathe. This person was beautiful. He had semi-long black hair that covered his ears. He was slender and tall, wearing a short-sleeved, navy blue shirt that exposed his muscles, and a pair of dark colored blue jeans that seemed to pool around his black tennis shoes. He walked with his head held high and smiled valiantly as he zigzagged around the tables and made his way back to my table. I looked up at him, not sure if I should give him the glare from hell, or to give him the most vacant and confounded look to ever graze my face. He smiled at me and asked if the seat in front of me was taken. I shook my head and he sat down. He placed his chin between his hands, which were upright like mine, and proceeded to cock his head and try to read me.

"You don't talk much, do you?" he asked. He smiled at me as I looked at him.

I mumbled an apology, though I doubted that he had heard me over the strumming of the guitar and the voice coming through the microphone on the stage blasting through the speakers throughout the shop. Funny how such a small outside had turned into such a large inside. I guess I was feeling rather confused. This was rather awkward, this man sitting in front of me like this. It was unexpected, and certainly unwanted. To an extent. But you don't do this in life. You don't walk up to people you've never seen before and sit down in front of them at their table. It didn't happen like that. Maybe if we met at work or something, then it'd be different—I'd have to know this person, at least just a little bit. Why?

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked. "I didn't think anything bad at all. You just seem to appear so depressed. I want to know what is wrong."

"But… you don't even know my name," I said. "Why would you care so much?"

He pondered it for a couple seconds, then said, "Well, you are right. I could just be pretending to care, but then… why would I even bother to waste my time with a complete stranger? I guess it is because you have tweaked my interest. I am curious to know about you. I have never seen you here before, so to see someone so interesting and new, it just excites me."

I couldn't tell if I was supposed to feel frightened away, or if I should take that as a compliment to know that he found me to be so mysterious. Either way, it was an odd thing to say to a person. To me, at least.

"So?" he pressed.

I gave him a look of confusion. "So what?"

He chuckled. "I asked you what was wrong. Then we got sidetracked about names and such. But I want to know what is wrong with you. After all, it_ is _why you came to this place on such a dreary night, isn't it?"

I nodded. True, I was looking for a place to hide out in for a while… but that was to stay away from people. I wasn't in the mood to talk with anybody, let alone chat with a stranger who knew nothing about me. Honestly, talking to this man was the same as posting your personal life on an online diary site—your life was open to anybody to judge you, discriminate you, pity you, or just taunt you into believing you're a pitiful specimen to graze its presence. I wasn't going to cave in just like that. I wanted to at least know this person's name before relinquishing any information about me. For all I knew, he could've been some type of person who collects negative information to spread around like wildfire to his co-workers to laugh about the next day. Gee, I really was being nihilistic today.

"Well, how about this first," I started.

He gave me an intrigued look. He was fascinated, waiting patiently for me to say whatever it was I wanted to say.

"What's your name?"

His face dropped. "Is that all you wanted to know? You could've asked me all _kinds_ of _bizarre_ questions and all you ask for is my _name_?"

I closed my eyes briefly before continuing. "Well, I don't feel comfortable giving away details of my life to a complete stranger. So a name is rather important in my book to know. Also, I won't give away any of my personal problems unless I know what kind of a person you are. And because you will most likely expect the same thing to come from me, I'll tell you about who I am and anything that has happened to me in the past. If you want to comply with my wishes."

He was nodding his head the entire time, soaking in what I was saying like a sponge, his hand on his chin. "Yes, yes, I understand. That is reasonable. If you wish to know my name and what there is to know about my personality, then I will expect no less from you. It is fair to know equally about each other, though it's safe to say one may babble on more than the other. Well, then." He paused. "My name is Lee. Rock, Lee."

I sighed. I didn't expect him to accept my request so willingly, but he did. And I didn't want to back down after all I just said. It'd be just as bad as a dog with all bark and no bite. They can snip and snap and growl all they like, but if they don't bite something, then the enemy will realize that they're not much of a threat.

"Gaara," I replied flatly, closing my eyes and sighing all the while. Why would a stranger go to great lengths just to get to know me? It's not like people have actually done it in the past, so why start now? Why all of a sudden should people stop gawking at me and running away from me? I opened my eyes, waiting for him to give me that same wide-eyed, frightened look that everybody used to give me. I waited for him to spit venom in my face and walk out. But that didn't happen at all.

"I see," he said, still sounding just as enthusiastic as before. "Will we be setting up dates to meet?"

"Dates…?" My mind was staggering into something more than I had actually wanted. Unless I took him the wrong way. I hope he didn't mean 'dates' as in actual dating...

He shook his head and smiled. "No, I mean as in places and times to meet each other. We can meet someplace new next time to chat over. Like lunch, maybe. I'm not going to ask where you live after just meeting you. That'd be a little too awkward since this is the first time meeting each other."

"Right," I agreed. "So, do you have any suggestions?" I didn't want to be the one to suggest anything.

"Hmm…" He pondered over this for a couple minutes. He arched his bushy eyebrow up, tilting his head up as well to look at the ceiling. As if that would actually help trigger an idea in his mind. "Well, maybe we could meet at… Uh… no, that's too expensive. Er… hmm… Oh. What about the Coffee Shack?"

I nodded once. "Yeah."

"Awesome," he said happily. "We will meet each other next Saturday at noon." He checked his watch--I copied him—and said, "Well, I will see you then."

I nodded again.

"Have fun listening to Ani DiFranco," he said.

Silence.

I looked up at the stage after Lee had left. Ani--the woman Lee had mentioned--, was preparing to step off the stage for the night. She'd just finished her last song and was ready to take a shot of any type of hard liquor before leaving to go to bed. I sighed. Going home would probably be a good idea, especially at one-thirty in the morning. I left a four-dollar tip (just for her bad behavior and lack of real service), and drove myself home into the wet night.

At least the rain had stopped pounding.


	2. Try

**Rating: **T; Swearing

**Pairing: **Possible LeeXGaara

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Just what the characters buy, eat, drink, sleep in, and so forth.

**Warning:** Run-on sentences, character personalities might sound too off in some areas of the story; and I might babble in more than I need to. Not a long chapter, but there's little relevance to the story with it. Sorry. My brain's in a bit of a pickle right now. Lee appears in the third chapter though!

**Author's Notes: **This is simply a filler. I was having issues has to _how _I could possibly make this last.

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**Let's Not Try Living With Loneliness Anymore.**

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The morning sun was shining too brightly this morning. I had to close my eyes every time I walked into the living room. Which, to let you know, was not the most eye pleasing thing in the world to look at. It was too plain, too cliché, too boring, no personality. I have personality… I think.

It was round ten o'clock. It was Sunday. What could I do this Sunday that I needed to do? I walked into my kitchen to check the cupboards (full), the refrigerator (packed), the dishes (done and away), the floor (vacuumed), the table (wiped), the windows (cleaned), and the plants (watered). Damn, was I really a neat freak?

I sighed in slight annoyance. There's got to be at least one thing I can do today. I walk into my living room—the cushions were a tad out of place, and they overlapped a bit. I fixed them and proceeded to check the laundry. I had two dirty towels and one washcloth from yesterday morning's shower. Not enough to actually wash, I so I guess all I could do was loaf around.

--Four Hours Later--

The silence was overbearing. The doing nothing and loafing around was irritating. This little apartment for a one-man home was feeling extremely lonely. Then, out of the blue, I wondered the strangest question to ever cross my mind:

_What is Lee doing_?

A bizarre question to think, especially since I'd only met him just yesterday at that coffee shop. Where that lady was strumming her guitar and singing; where the floor looked like a painter was on acid; where there was so much smoke you'd think it was on fire; where that waitress was a bitch; where Lee came in and clutched hold of my lungs and prohibited me to breathe.

I should shut up now. I am not falling for this stranger. It just sounds way too Titanic for my tastes.

"I need something to take care of," I said aloud. I needed something to do. Yes, I have a couple plants; but I couldn't play with them. I couldn't pet them, I couldn't play with them, and they certainly can't let me know they love me. I sighed. Living in an apartment was sometimes a bother. I can't have a big dog, but ankle-biters were annoying. Cats were okay, but they don't like to listen to a word you have to say unless it benefits them. Hamsters and rodents are, overall, rather cute, but they don't live for very long. Birds were amusing to teach tricks, but they're too prone to sickness. Arachnids and reptiles? No, thank you. They require too much money, and spiders were disgusting. Fish? Not much different from a plant. The only difference is the way they look.

I raised my hand up to my face. Were my expectations really that high? I sighed for about the millionth time. Maybe if I went to the pet store, I could decide on what I want. After all, most people don't leave without a pet, right?

--Pet Store--

The pet store was nothing special. It was a small, little building packed with toys, collars, accessories, cages, aquariums, pet carriers, and of course, pets. Most of the prices were pretty fair, but not too high or too low. A really nice place to be at if you don't want to worry about bombardment… I shut the door to my four-door, red 1999 Buick Century, pushed the entrance door open, and looked around.

There were chinchillas, rabbits, various types of hamsters, rats and mice, puppies, kittens, budgies, doves, parrots, Cockatiels, and love birds; various reptiles, a few amphibians, and some Tarantulas. Seeing the Tarantulas, it made me think of Lee shuddering. Lee just struck me as the type of person who fears spiders. Maybe I should get one…?

I shook my head. I was really being pitiful today.

As I was searching, there was just nothing that I liked. I decided that birds and rodents and fish were out of the question. Maybe there was something interesting where the kittens and puppies were. There were mixed breeds like Beagles, Calicos, and Terriers, and there was one that caught my eye: it was just a puppy, but she looked cute. Jumping up and down with her fur bouncing around—she wanted someone to take her home.

"Great," I whispered. "My attention was driven towards a little Pomeranian puppy. Just what I needed."

Still, at least she could keep me company.

A lady around her fifties came up to me and asked if I needed help. So I told her which one I wanted. She smiled before retrieving the animal for me, and put the energetic pup into a carrier case. One thing I didn't need to buy. She asked if there was anything else. I told her yes, I wanted two food dishes, a bed, a leash, and a collar. God forbid I let a dog sleep on my bed. And, the last thing I needed to come home to, or wake up to, was the smell of dog piss on my bed or clothes or carpet. She handed me, in a couple bags, all the items I asked for. I said a quick thanks before departing. Now I could go home and get this pup acquainted.

But… what I was going to call her?


	3. Pretend

**Rating:** T; language

**Pairing:**Possible LeeXGaara

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. I only own Cookie, the made up restaurants, and any characters that didn't exist in the show. And, c'mon... you know I don't own Charlie Brown... That's just lame.

**Warning:** Known for run-on sentences, not making sense in some scenes, rambling, characters' personalities don't fit right.

**Author's Note: **This story almost died. But it didn't. However... it did drag on and on... It's super long compared to my last two chapters. But it should give some insight as to where I intend to take this story... Trust me: it's not going to be another yaoi story. Great as they are. This definitely has a plot to it. I screwed up on the dating of this chapter. It wasn't supposed to say "Sunday" because Lee had set up the time to be on Saturday, a week after they met. Sorry about that.

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**Let's Play Pretend for the Night.**

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I named my puppy, Cookie. A rather odd name, but I'm not asking for judgmental criticisms from people. She was a good dog overall, but maybe she was just too energetic for my tastes. She would jump around a lot, she would yip a lot, and she would run in circles around my legs to get my attention. Granted, it did work the majority of the time, but I just was not the most hyperactive person in the world to deal with such a playful pup. Maybe Lee was… but I didn't know him that well enough to assume.

It was Saturday today. Seven o'clock in the morning, and I had five hours to go before I had to leave to go to the coffee shop to meet Lee. For some reason, my heart started to beat faster that it had been before I thought of Lee. Thinking of him makes my palms sweaty and my heart beat fast. A very unhealthy fast for me. I still couldn't shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, I was developing feelings for this stranger…? But at the same time, my mind was telling me that he might just be standing me up. Maybe he only talked to me to get me going and now that he had me, he was going to ditch me and not show up where we were supposed to meet. As much as I didn't want to believe it, I knew there was a possibility that Lee wasn't really interested in me. But why would someone go to the length of talking to me, getting to know me just a little bit, talking about who he was, setting up a time to meet, then not show up? Too much trouble for someone to go through simply to hurt another's feelings if you ask me.

Cookie yipped at me, getting my attention and causing me to look. She had her mouth open, her tongue was sticking out, her tail was wagging, and she was sitting at my feet looking up at me while I sat like a sloth on the couch. Knowing she wasn't exactly tall enough to simply jump on the couch and turn into a lap cat, I picked her up. She was squirming around, trying to get out of my grasp so that she could sit in my lap. Or quite possibly chew up my nice couch. I wasn't entirely sure which one it was, but I guess she just wanted to lay in my lap and bond. That was fine with me—I'd rather let a wannabe cat sleep in my lap than patch my couch together with duct tape because of a hyperactive dog that couldn't settle down for more than five minutes.

As much as I wanted to doze off with Cookie, I knew I couldn't. Simply because I had to meet Lee at the coffee shop. I wasn't saying it was his fault that I couldn't doze off for a couple hours, because I did agree to meet with him before I got Cookie; but I also wasn't the type of person to just leave somebody hanging. I wasn't exactly dressed for the day as I was still in my pajamas, my hair was a mess, and I smelled. I needed to take a shower, and I wondered just how offensive my odor was to my dog. Apparently not much by the way her head was lying so contently on my knee. Gently, I patted her head. I smiled slightly. Cute. I sighed, though, knowing I should probably get up and get ready. I debated on having a light breakfast, but I had no idea what Lee's plans were exactly, so I decided that I'd rather wait. Picking Cookie up, I gently placed her next to me on the couch before getting up to do my morning routine. Find some clothes (got a red shirt, a black hoody, a pair of faded blue jeans, plaid boxers, and black socks), take a shower, get dressed, dry my hair, and do whatever I needed to do before the time came to meet Lee. I really didn't feel like lazing around like my dog for five hours.

Feeling that I was as good as I could ever be, I stepped out of my mirror's view and checked my clock. I still had a good three and half hours to go. I just had this feeling that those three and so hours would be the longest in my life...

I sighed as I pondered what should be done and taken care of. I haven't eaten anything today, much less drank anything, so I didn't have any dishes to do. The carpet was fine, there were no broken items that needed to be taken care enough. Surprisingly, there was nothing chewed up or ripped to shreds around the house. I would have thought that such as a spazz would have at least ruined my spider plant… But no matter how much I searched for something to do, there was nothing. I guess I'll just have to watch TV for a while… Not the best things to do as I barely ever watch it, but it was just a method of passing time.

--Three Hours Later--

I decided that now was a pretty good place to leave. I had about thirty minutes or so to get there, and the place wasn't that nearby, so I grabbed my car keys and left. I figured since she was being good, I'd let Cookie roam around the house instead of staying in the pet carrier for once. I just hoped that I could actually trust the little mutt to be on her own for a few hours…

Arriving at the shop, I looked around to make sure Lee hadn't beaten me. No, I wasn't being competitive; it was just a habit I had. What any person would do if they were told to meet up with another at a designated place. Finding that he wasn't here already, I could feel my heart slump slightly, and I felt a bit disappointed. However, the clock told me to feel quite the opposite—there was still a good six minutes before we were supposed to initially meet, so I decided to find a table that was furthest from the door, and the most secluded from the cafe.

I found that I really didn't like the decor of this place as much as I did the other place. This one had white tables and white chairs with pink cushions that were tied down. The tables weren't covered with much else than a little brochure showing some of the products they sold, salt and pepper, and an ashtray. The windows were covered with simple shades that bore a solid shade of blue-gray, and the place itself was painted a ruby red. The floor was polished wood. I kind of liked the carpet with the non-blending colors. I liked the sharpness of their collision to one another on the deep red background. I liked the colored lights that dimmed the place, the extreme amount of smoke… This just seemed more appropriate for high school students to meet up at with their date. And, quite frankly, I was past the whole 'high school cliques and gossip' trend. It was too juvenile for me, even when I was in high school. I sighed to myself. I hope my conversation with Lee doesn't go as awkwardly as it is trying to adjust to the plain scene of this coffee shop.

They could at least have a stage with a folksinger somewhere…

--Noon--

I heard the bells ring, and I immediately looked up—it wasn't Lee. My shoulders slumped and I lowered my head, looking down at the white table, noting the cracks in it and the stains from spilled coffees or mochas. I started to think that maybe he really did set me up. I didn't want to believe it, but this paranoia wasn't exactly the easiest thing to push aside. The last thing I needed to be was a blind optimist. Sometimes I wished I were, though. But then again, being a blind optimist wouldn't do wonders for my self-confidence and worth; seeing as how the more I believed something would happen, the more likely it just might not work out for the better.

A teenager came up to me wearing a dark red uniform, a cap on his head, and a rather heart-starting smile. He was probably new, judging by his enthusiasm to show that he was indeed interested in taking my order. Unless he was just content to do this for a living. His hair stuck out in some places, light brown, and his face said, 'Please, let me take your order, sir.' It definitely brightened my day a bit.

"Hi, sir," he said happily.

"Hello," I said as happily as possible. I didn't want to crush his youthful spirit.

"How are you doing, sir?" he asked, his smile ever so valiant on his face.

I looked up at him and he closed his eyes and smiled even more. I decided I would smile back.

"I'm fine. You?" It's amazing at just how much a little smile and positive attitude could brighten my day.

"Heh, heh. I'm doing fine," he replied sheepishly. It made me think that I was making the situation awkward for him.

"Can I get anything for you?"

I nodded. "Yes. Can I have an iced mocha? If you have those, I mean."

He just chuckled. "Course we do. I'll be sure to get right on it, okay, sir?"

I nodded.

He gave me a nod and walked back into the kitchen.

I was ready to give up on this. I didn't think Lee was showing up. Course, I shouldn't speak so soon. The bells rang again, and when I looked up, I saw Lee walking through the door with a smile plastered on his face. He was wearing a dark blue shirt, a pair of dark blue jeans that flared around his shoes, and faded slightly around the knees, and a necklace that had a bear's claw dangling from it. I felt my lips twitch into a smile seeing him walking through the door. It was a definite relief on my part that allowed me to exhale. Though, my heart was beating fast again as I saw him walking closer and closer to the table before proceeding to sit down in front of me, just like last time.

"Hey," he said with a smile, raising his hand up in a waving gesture. "How was your week?"

"Boring," I replied.

He chuckled. "Is that so?"

"Yes," I said. "Work was very slow. Not many people came in."

"Oh?" He was interested in my work. "So what do you do for a living?"

"I work with saturated fats, oils, grease, and frozen foods," I said sarcastically.

He laughed a little bit. At least he appreciated my attempt of a joke. Most people just think I'm being an arrogant ass.

"I work with my sensei at a dojo," he said. "It's a nice little place that offers private and individual lessons for those who have a lot of time restraint. We're not that expensive either."

I nodded. I was feeling rather playful today. "Are you trying to get me to join?"

He just laughed. "Well, I have noticed the slight pudge…" He was teasing me, of course. He was trying to figure out how far I would let him go before I bit him. I wasn't that self-conscious of my appearance, so I let it slide.

"Hey, sir," said the teenage boy. "Here's your iced mocha." He looked over at Lee. "Hi. Can I get you anything?"

Lee nodded. "I'll have what he's having."

"Sure." With that, the boy disappeared again.

"Well, has anything new happened to you recently?" Lee asked. "I mean, besides the week going by slowly," he added quickly.

"… I got a puppy," I replied.

He cocked his head like a bird and smiled at me innocently. He was trying to weasel his way into getting more information. It worked.

"She's a Pomeranian," I said. "About two months old."

He leaned his head forward, expecting me to say more about this hyperactive puppy that acts like a lap cat, but jumps around like she's wired on an energy drink. I honestly don't know what I else I could really say about her, though. Besides her name, that is. But that was terribly embarrassing to say. If anything, he's thinking of all the possible names I could've given this dog. All are probably exotic, bizarre, unique, and rare. But all I could offer was this rather unoriginal name that came to me with absolutely no inspiration behind it and an extreme lack of care. I sighed.

"Cookie."

He arched an eyebrow and furrowed the other in a confused manner. I closed my eyes and wondered selfishly if he was just trying to get me to surrender and totally embarrass myself in front of him. And those big eyes filled with innocent curiosity overshadowed by his caterpillar eyebrows were not helping me to keep my dignity and pride as a man and a human being.

"The dog," I said, finally surrendering.

For a moment, his face was unreadable. My heart stopped as I thought of all the emotions he could turn to. Would he mock me? Would he think I was stupid? What would he say in response to the name? Why do I have to be so paranoid and self-conscious about all the things he does?

But my thoughts halted themselves as his expression changed. He made one of those faces when you were awe-struck because something either sounded absolutely astonishing, or if you thought something was so adorably cute you could just melt yourself like a candle succumbing to the flame.

"That is an _adorable _name to give to your puppy," he finally said, with a high amount of excitement. Mental note: make sure to set sugar limit for Lee. "Where'd you come up with it?" he asked.

Where? In all honesty, I'd no idea where I actually came up with the name. It was just the first thing that popped into my head, and that's the name I stuck with. I really didn't want to spend so long on a name that I would just get tired of trying… I would've just called her Dog if it meant saving me the trouble of going through names…

"I don't know," I admitted. "It just… came to me, I guess."

He seemed to approve of that. "Well, it's better to use what comes to your mind first. It becomes an awfully stressful thing when you have to spend a long time on such a task."

I nodded, thankful that I didn't have to worry about coming up with some epitaph of an explanation to satisfy his intellectual needs. I don't think he was a stuck-up, smart jerk… He just didn't come across as that to me. For some reason, though, I felt the need to break one of the many barriers that were set up in this relationship. I didn't want to go too fast, but it just felt like things were going smoothly enough that it wouldn't really hurt to try.

"Um…" Or maybe this was going to be harder than I initially thought.

"Hm?" He was interested in what I had to say. Stupid Lee. You care too much about what others have to say. "What is it, Gaara?"

"Well, I… I was…" Why was it so difficult to ask this? I wasn't asking him to go out with me. I wasn't asking him to come to my place to take me. I wasn't asking him to move do a different place to get married. No—I was just asking a simple question that was bound to bounce around in our relationship sooner or later.

He rested his chin in the palm of his hand, curious as to what I had to say, almost mocking me, but not in an incredibly rude way. "Are you inviting me over, Gaara?"

I looked up at him, half irritated that he would make such a joke out of it, but half relieved that I didn't have to struggle anymore to get what I wanted to say out. But as true as he was, I really had no reason to stay angry. He knew what I was trying to take a shot for, and he didn't sound too disgusted or grossed out that I would bring this up now. So I closed my eyes—more out of embarrassment than the shame he thought—and nodded.

He cocked his head at me like a bird. He was trying to read me, trying to figure out why I seemed so down all of a sudden. "Gaara," he said, implying in his tone that he wanted me to look. So I did. "Are you ashamed?"

I shook my head. "It's not that," I said, explaining myself. "I'm just not comfortable trying to ask these things from other people."

He nodded slowly. "I see. Well, am I going to follow you to your house? Or am I to come to your house on a set night and time?"

This sudden enthusiasm shouldn't have surprised me, but I still was not used to Lee's happy-go-lucky persona. His outbursts were not my style, not my thing to think or worry about. "Um… I didn't bring anything to write down my address or number with…" I suddenly began to feel rather stupid about the whole idea, and wanted to drop it like old clothes into a garbage can to get it over with before anyone could wallow in the misery.

"That is okay," he insisted. He really wanted to go through with this, apparently. "I have a pen. Do you mind if I write down my number on your palm? I'll let you write yours on mine. If you don't mind, that is," he added quickly. I knew he wanted to, just to get a feel for what he might get if our relationship actually progressed that far; but he was also being respectful of my personal space. Something I was glad to see, for once.

I nodded and extended my arm out so he could write his number down. "I'll call you tonight around seven-ish? If that's all right with you, I mean. Just make sure to grab a pen and a piece of paper so you can write everything down. And, Gaara," he said, looking up at me, "I want you to tell me where you live as well. It wouldn't be fair if I were the only person giving out an address." He smiled at me, to let me know he wasn't being totally serious, but still implying that he would like to know my location. So once he was finished, he handed the pen to me, extended out his arm, and I proceeded to write down my number. Strange as it was, I liked his phone number over mine. Mine was a simple number. It was a basic, cordless phone that I dreaded to even pick up half the time. Lee's phone was a cell phone number. To me, that was just more freedom he had that I didn't. I silently envied him for it. He noticed.

"Gaara?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

But I shook my head. "No, it's nothing," I assured.

He smiled. He wanted to know what I was thinking again. "You know, Gaara," he said, "if we're going to be friends, you're going to have to start trusting me."

I closed my eyes and waved a finger at him. "One barrier at a time, Speedy Gonzales. One barrier at a time."

He merely chuckled at me before checking his watch, then to examine my handwriting. It was nothing to be fascinated about, I thought to myself. I always thought it was bleak, uncreative, neat, boring. Nothing to be totally excited about… Not like his, I noted, looking at his handwriting. It was a little on the sloppy side, but I assumed it was because he was just excited that I allowed him to touch me. It was a mixture of chicken scratch, and something pleasing to look at. He was an interesting person, this Lee was. And… as fast-paced as this sounds, I think I was starting to actually like him.

_Dear lord, please help me. Don't let this go down the wrong way…_ I don't think I could take it. I wouldn't be able to take it if he were just tugging at me like a jerk… I was hoping this would just be more than wishful thinking. It had to be. Lee didn't do that. He's not that type of person. I know he's not. If he was, then I guess my forte was not figuring people out…

He smiled at me, bringing me back from my paranoia. "Well, since we have each others' number now," he started, "do you want me to call you later on tonight? Once I get out of work, I mean," he added. I nodded. I have to work later on, as well, I realized. "Okay, then," he said, satisfied with the easy agreement. "I shall call you tonight, after work around seven. Does that sound good for you?"

I nodded. "I'm… I'm not much of a phone person," I warned, slowly trying to come out of my shell. My god, this is difficult.

He just smiled. "That is all right, Gaara," he said. "Nobody is perfectly comfortable at everything. So you may not be a phone person. Big deal."

I just stared at him. The way he was coming off on me wasn't that of somebody rude, cruel, or even had remotely close to, cruel intentions. He seemed genuinely interested in me, and it was believable. Every ounce of his behavior was believable for me. He was far from judgmental, based on the way he greeted all those different people at the last coffee shop, whatever the names were, and he certainly hasn't placed any sort of judgment on me. That isn't obvious in his expression, anyway.

"Gaara?"

His voice brought me out of my trance. I closed my eyes slowly and muttered a soft apology. I decided that since I had it and had yet to touch it, I took a drink from my iced mocha. I'd forgotten I ordered it when I started talking to Lee. He seemed to have the same interest in mind as he grabbed his mocha and drank from it as well. He smiled afterwards like he'd been shot straight up to heaven. I gave him a confused look. If I had eyebrows, they'd be furrowed close to my eyes. But I merely shrugged it off. After all, Lee was quite the outgoing character. I wondered if I would be able to handle him. He struck me as the dominant one in the relationship. He was the one who pushed everyone to do their best, to inspire them.

I mentally slapped myself. Where was the folksinger to distract me from my thoughts? So I gathered up some courage and brought up a suggestion.

"Um… Lee?" I paused. I would at least wait for him to look up at me—he was staring off into space at the lack of conversation.

"Yes, Gaara," he said, looking at me with the same burning interest he always had when he looked at me.

"Uh… I was… Do you want…?" I stopped. This was ridiculous. Why couldn't I get this out? What was I so afraid of that stopped me from asking him my question. This was just unbearable. I looked away for a moment, mentally composed myself, and looked back at him. He was still looking at me, still just as curious as ever, but with a hint of concern. "Do you want to go to the other cafe? The one where… we first met?" I slapped myself mentally again. Way too Titanic, way too Titanic. I hadn't watched that movie in years. Why did it seem like I was phrasing everything from it?

He smiled. "Yes. I do not mind," he said. "I think it's nicer there than it is here, anyway."

That confused me for a moment. "Then… why did you suggest this place?"

He thought about it for a moment, then made a halfhearted shrug. "I'm not sure. I guess I just wanted to find some place different to go to. But we can go back there if we want. I still got a couple hours before work anyway. Gai-Sensei won't mind if I'm a little late, after all." He paused before getting up all the way. "What time do you have to go to work?"

"Eight," I said.

He looked at his watch, then said, "It's only one twenty-five, so we got plenty of time. Well, you have more time to be free than I do." He chuckled, trying to make the conversation light before heading out.

So much for the iced mochas we spent a total of six dollars on.

--Misty Bean--

Coming to the Misty Bean, I felt a strange sense of deja vu. The night I had come here, it was raining hard. I was rather depressed that day, realizing just how alone I was in that apartment, wishing I had someone to come home to. Just thinking these thoughts turned my mood negative. My face was drifting from content to spiraling depression. In front of Lee. I couldn't fall apart in front of him. Not now… I wasn't ready for that close of a connection yet. I've known him less than the time I've thought about him since that day here. I felt like hugging myself and falling down on to the ground. To hold myself together, prevent me from falling into pieces. These memories were so haunting. So vivid. They were inescapable. No matter how fast or much I ran, they would always be two steps ahead of me, smashing me into pieces and leaving me bleeding on the floor.

Quickly, I composed myself and followed Lee into the cafe.

It looked the same as before. Only, because it was so early in the day, it wasn't filled with the chain smokers, the women with bizarre piercings, the funky-dyed hair, or the soft colored lights that lit the place. The carpet was the same, but for some reason—quite possibly due to the lack of smoke and the colored light—, it seemed more like cheap, white, linoleum. Like in a school. It was far too high school for my tastes, but I was the one who had suggested we come here, so I really didn't want to back down. Suddenly, I looked to see if the stage was still there. It was. I was thankful, and let out a silent sigh of relief. Luckily, it went unnoticed by Lee as he led me to the back table. The same table we both sat at. Well, to put it more correctly, the one_ I _sat at and _he_ came up to talk to me. It was one of the strangest things to ever happen to me, simply because most people didn't want to talk to me, let alone the people who lived in the same apartment as me. In fact, it was the old lady who chain-smoked who owned the place; the twins, Michael and Michelle; and the old woman's dog, Butch, were the ones to ever talk to me or give me company. But the twins were too young to get really interested or involved in the things I was more concerned about; Butch just wandered about the floors of the place, getting pats and pets from the others; and the old woman, Carol, was always in and out of the place, buying more tubes and tobacco, and just doing whatever floated her boat. Though, on the holidays, she would go by every single apartment and give us all a little something nice. Last year, she gave me a red scarf. 'To match your hair,' she told me with a smile on her face and a half gone cigarette hanging from her lips. I could feel myself slipping off into my own world again, and tried to bring myself back before I did something to embarrass myself.

As we took our seats, Lee and I could hear the people in the crowd clapping. We both looked to see what the sudden commotion was, and we found some teenage group setting up. There was a drum set; amplifiers, three microphones, and two of the members were holding guitars. One had an acoustic guitar, and the other had an electric guitar. The tallest of the group—and the chunkiest—took his place behind the drums while the one with short black hair with the tight black clothes took his place behind the microphone. I just had the strangest sense that they were going to sound horrible. I wasn't interested in this type of music, surprisingly. I rather enjoyed the folk music Ani had played that week or so ago.

"Who are these people?" I asked.

Lee shrugged. I think he knew the answer, but it didn't look like he really wanted to answer the question at the moment. It looked like he was contemplating something. I wasn't going to press any buttons by asking, because I didn't know him well enough to just jump the gun and ask. So I figured I'd wait for him to say something first. I looked back up to the stage, to brace myself for the music they were going to play. The drummer started up first, not doing the typical 'One, two, one, two, three, four' clash. I was rather thankful for that—a lot of bands did it. But… I wasn't really feeling the singer's vocal abilities. The music was extremely fast-paced. I liked the slow pace of the folksinger sitting on the wooden stool with the bass guitar in her hands, strumming away on it and telling a story with the words she'd chosen.

A person showed up to take our orders. Luckily, it wasn't the same girl who had given me the attitude the last time I was here. This time, it was a teenager with big, hazel, oval eyes. She didn't have the same face as the last one did—her features were softer, far from harsh.

"What can I get you two?" she asked. She didn't sound totally interested in what we wanted, but at least she didn't sound half as rude as the other was.

I was craving hot cocoa. "Hot chocolate, please," I said.

She scribbled my order down on her pad before looking up at Lee. "And you, sir?"

It took Lee a moment before I realized the girl was talking to him. "Oh," he said, coming back to reality. "A vanilla latte, please."

The girl wrote his order down, told us our orders would be done in a few, and walked away, disappearing into the back behind the doors employees were only permitted to be. I wanted to know what was troubling him, or at least know what he was thinking… But I stopped myself. I'd told him no when he wanted to know what I was thinking, so it was only fair that he had his rights, too. I didn't want to pressure him to talk about his feelings, or whatever, too openly, when I had acted like a secret formula hidden behind a bank vault. It just wasn't fair to him.

"Lee?" I pressed. Seeing him zone out like that was strange for me, and probably even stranger for him to do. It just didn't seem like him at all. I didn't like seeing him zone out like that. He had too much life, too much spirit. Sure, like everyone else, he had his serious moments—but this isn't a serious moment! I sighed. I was beginning to argue with myself over something that could be, literally, as small as a flea on a cat.

"Hm?" he said. "I'm fine. I am sorry. I was just thinking about something."

Not wanting to really get involved in his thoughts, but too curious to pass it up, I asked, "What?"

He smiled at me. "Well… and here _I_ was being the Speedy one."

I felt a twinge of guilt for a moment, but his wink and thumbs up told me to think otherwise. He was such a joker; I couldn't help but bring myself to smile.

"I'm just kidding," he said, stating the obvious. "I was just thinking about the band that is currently playing. You asked about them, but you don't really seem interested in this type of music. Which, by the way, I thought was rather surprising. The way you look and act—no offense—, I would've thought you to like this type. Rock, Alternative Rock, Metal, those sorts of things. Yet when you hear this, you scrunch up your nose in disgust." He paused. "So… do you prefer the folksinger Ani DiFranco over this no-name band?"

I nodded. Okay… so he _didn't_ know the name of the band because there was no name. I suddenly felt rather stupid for assuming he knew the name of the band. Just because someone is a regular at a place, it doesn't give a newbie the right to claim that the regular doesn't know the name of a particular band. Nothing in the world has the same exact routine, I reasoned. Every day, no matter what it is your doing; it will always be done just a little differently. The way you wash your hair, the way you brush your teeth, the order in which you dress, the amount of time you let something cook in a pan on the stove… It's all done just a little differently. This is just an unpublished band that managed to get a gig singing here for the night. Great…

"Well, I think she might be playing a little later on today," he said. He figured since I appreciated her music, he could let me know the next time she had a gig here. I had to say, I was a tad glad he'd mentioned something: it meant that he was listening to what I was saying. Or rather, in this case, what I was thinking. That made me slightly nervous for my privacy, just thinking about it.

"How many songs will she sing?" I asked, glad that we'd found something on the same level.

He chuckled. "She usually only sings one song," he said. "During the weekdays, anyway. On Saturdays, she comes up around seven-thirty and sings until about midnight. Probably a little earlier if she wants to get a drink or two of liquor before she leaves."

"Does she drive home afterwards?" I asked, feeling naive.

"Oh, no, no," he said, shaking his head. "She has a chauffeur that takes her to and from the cafe. For someone as involved as Ani DiFranco, you should give her more credit than that, Gaara. She puts her whole being into her songs, and she sings about everything that has a major or minor impact on the world. I do not think she would do something so reckless as to drive after she's had a few shots." He laughed, amused at my question.

I should've felt angry that he laughed at me for asking that, but I didn't. It didn't seem to bother me like it would had someone else told and done the same thing to me.

"Gaara, I want to know more about your dog," he asked. He was suddenly curious of Cookie.

"Cookie…?" I asked, a little out of disbelief.

He nodded. "She's the only one you have, right? Or, do you have more than one pet?"

I shook my head. "No, she's the only one I have."

He nodded again. "So… tell me about her." He really wanted to know.

I sighed. I suppose I could let him know how she was. "She's hyperactive, sort of like you. She likes to sit on my lap like a cat. But most of the time, she's running around the house throwing herself a party. She usually sleeps with me in my room, though I don't really let her sleep on my bed. She sleeps on the couch, though," I added, more or less trying to save myself from sounding too cruel an owner to Lee. "She likes the collar I bought her. It's blue with crystals on the front of it. She has tags on them in case she gets lost and I can't find her. Her favorite toy is her squeaky toy that looks like a gray cat." I paused and rolled my eyes out of annoyance, figuring how obvious that must've been to Lee." She doesn't really like to sit still until I go to bed. She rolls around and tries doing tricks with me. But she's too much of a spazz to really settle down." I stopped. I really didn't know what else to say. I'd felt like what I said did her justice, and I'd be damned if I was going to flatter her more than I needed to.

Throughout that entire time, Lee listened to every word I said, not once interrupting, and always kept that same face of total and pure interest in what I was saying. Nothing sounded like the adults on Charlie Brown to him. That was a good thing.

"What about you?" I asked.

He smiled. "Well, I have no pets of my own. Though, yours would be quite fun to meet and play with. She has a lot of youthful spirit in her." He made the thumbs up sign. "No, I live with Gai-Sensei. We have separate rooms. He's not really my father, though it does really seem like it at times. I help him run the dojo, as I said before. The dojo is actually part of our house—the back part of it. Nobody's allowed into our actual house, but our dojo generally runs all week except for Sundays. We start at eight a.m., and we close up at eleven p.m. Course, that's not just one session. We do have more than one. Most sessions are about two hours long, though our shortest ones reach a little past half an hour. Our longest sessions take up a good three and a half hours. It's good money, but it's also affordable for those who can't quite afford the other, more expensive, dojos."

I had listened with the same intent as he had. It was only fair. His life sounded more interesting and enthusiastic than mine did. And certainly much happier than my life would ever be.

"Tell me about the people you live with or know," he said, not really asking but not really demanding at the same time.

I looked off to the side, to where the stage was, but not really looking up at the band playing fast-paced music, or the vocalist screaming at the top of his lungs words I couldn't understand. Lee seemed to realize that he struck a chord. He frowned, twisted his mouth in an awkward position, then said, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He didn't sound disappointed, just guilty that he'd managed to strike a nerve so early on in the relationship we were trying to develop. But… I didn't want to shrug it off and say close to nothing about it. If we were ever going to be friends, I would have to let him in sooner or later. I really didn't want to rush things, but I feared that if I didn't let him in much, he would get tired of sitting across a table from me in silence.

"I don't really have any… friends," I said, struggling a little with the last word. "I sort of, just live by myself in my own apartment with Cookie. I take care of everything in my house. I pay all my bills myself; I don't get help from anybody. I don't really get into the spirit of holidays all that much… Just a few decorations, and that's it. But, I do talk to a few people." I stopped to see if he was giving me a look of interest, pity, or mockery. But he wasn't. It was a mix of curiosity and sympathy. He wanted to know who these people were, but he was also sad because I didn't have anybody in my life that I could consider a friend. I went on. "There's the lady who owns the place, Carol. She's a chain-smoker, but every so often she'll stop by and greet me. On holidays, she gives me a present. She tells me that she bought more expensive and nicer items for me. Last year, she bought me a scarf because it matched my hair color." I paused, noting how Lee smiled wholeheartedly at that last statement. It sounded too childish for me, but I continued anyway. "She has a dog. Butch. He comes and goes as he pleases, but it's okay. He's a good boy. And… there's a couple that live not too far away in the apartment house from me. They have twins named Michael and Michelle. They come over sometimes to sit and watch TV with me for a while. Or sometimes they'll beg me to play Sorry with them. But they're a little young for me. I never let them stay long, though their parents know I won't do anything to them." That seemed like a good place to stop, right?

He pondered everything, letting it sink in, and smiled. He did that a lot. It seemed more like a hobby of his, rather than something you do when you actually felt there was a reason to smile. "For someone who does not seem much of a social butterfly, you sure are quite the teddy bear," he said, feeling rather satisfied with his conclusion.

I did a mock scoff. He really knows how to tease someone without being a total jerk about it. I figured I'd play along. "Or a panda…"

"Pardon?" he said, not quite hearing what I said.

There was a brief moment of awkward silence before he grasped what it was I had said.

"Oh!" he said. "Now I see. Panda." He giggled, but his face turned a little shade of pink out of embarrassment for not catching on quicker. "You know what, Gaara?"

I looked up at him.

"I want to call you Panda," he declared.

I smiled, but at the same time, I was confused. Nobody had ever given me a nickname out of pure affection. In the past, the nicknames I had were nothing more than a foul curse that would've made me spit venom in peoples' eyes if I could. But I could live with this. Lee was calling me Panda as a sign that our relationship could actually be called a 'friendship', rather than that of a mere acquaintance. I felt strangely happy. I was happy that I'd finally gotten a friend after years of solitude and pain.

"Thank you," I said, too quietly for him to hear.

"What did you say?" he asked.

I shook my head, but smiled the warmest smile I could muster before it looked too cheesy and fake. He bought it because he smiled the same type of smile. He looked at his watch briefly, then made a face. I figured he had to get going. He looked up at me apologetically.

"Gaara," he said, "I'm sorry, but I—"

"It's okay," I said, without a single hint of irritation, disappointment, or anger. I was just glad that I'd finally have a friend to call my own. "I know. I don't want you to be late for work."

He nodded once, waved to me, said goodbye, then stopped. I looked at him in confusion.

"Do you want me to walk you out to your car?" he asked, slightly hesitant.

I nodded, but I didn't smile. My cheeks hurt too much to smile much more. He seemed to understand, though, because he didn't look offended at all.

We arrived to our cars, and, not wanting it to sound like an awkward goodbye, I said, "Talk to you around seven."

He sounded grateful as he said, "Okay. I will talk to you, then." He started to open the door to his car, as I was mine, then stopped to look at me and say, "Panda." He got in the car, started the engine, and drove out. I smiled. _Panda… I could live with that_.


	4. Rain

T; language, sexual sarcasm, drug reference

**Rating: **T; language, sexual sarcasm, drug reference.

**Pairing:** Possible LeeXGaara

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Well, except for Bryan and his fiancee . Those are so original characters (I don't do the 'OC' thing... Slang is not my thing when it comes to computer chatting).

**Warning:** Characters may be slightly (or horribly) off in some places. Fluff.

**Author's Note:** NOOOOO!! CRAP!! UGH!! I did not want this to happen so soon. It was horrible trying to squeeze this chapter out. Seriously. And, it sucks because I really didn't want anything to really happen between the characters, but because I was listening to a love song (ha ha, stupid), something just sort of flowed out. Oh, well. I'm sure it'll make some fangirl squeal with excitement...

* * *

**There's More to Rain Than It Just Being Wet.**

* * *

Driving home, I didn't feel like I thought I would. I figured that my relationship with Lee would be like every past relationship had been: dead. I hadn't thought that we would actually surpass a neutral acquaintance. But it was a really good feeling. To know that someone had actually wanted to be my friend. That in itself would be enough to make me happy. Even if it was a lie, just to know or hear the words planted into my brain would be enough to keep a smile plastered on my face. Even though the conversation had been less than comfortable and more than bearably awkward, it went really well. We exchanged numbers, we talked a little about our personal lives, and we were starting to reach the same level. It's not like we were truly seeing each other from another point of view. I wasn't going to start giving him the eye that said, 'I think about you in my bed at night.' I was better off taking lemon juice from a milk jug, pouring it into my eyes, and trying to give my testicles a tattoo while my eyes were still suffering from the acid in the lemon juice.

Sarcasm aside, however, it made me happy. Course, it wasn't like I could act all giddy like a little schoolgirl during work. That was just too embarrassing for me, and it's not the place or the time to get that way. Working in a cluttered place with extremely hot oils and grease was in no way a good thing when combined with in coordination and clumsiness. That just said, 'We will call 911 before you do something stupid.'

_What is wrong with me?_ I wondered. I wasn't this sarcastic, and I certainly wasn't this annoying. My thoughts were going as fast as a teenage girl high on life… I couldn't keep up with myself. Sarcasm isn't my thing—I don't like it. I preferred being serious, because at least then nobody would take me as a joke.

I looked at my watch. It was around two o'clock. That meant that I had to be to work in a good half hour. Maybe forty-five minutes. Didn't matter to me, really. I just needed a quick change into my work clothes, smell nice, put on that fake smile, and drive on up. Course, I wasn't so cruel that I'd leave Cookie without letting her use the bathroom and filling up her food and water dishes. For a hyperactive puppy, she certainly did have good manners when it came to my things.

--Work--

Work wasn't really busy. I didn't expect it to be with it not being Friday and all. Though, it was Saturday, and it was running by rather slowly. I found that to be slightly weird. But that just meant that I wouldn't have to worry about being pushed too close to the deep fryers and getting my skin burned off. I didn't want to be rushed to the hospital. That would be rather embarrassing.

"Hey, Gaara," said Bryan. Bryan was nineteen, and about two months away from being twenty. He had a girlfriend with a baby on the way. She was, I think, four months along, and he got this job ten weeks before he met her. Which, to elaborate even further, he met his girlfriend back in two thousand and six. So they've been together for two years. I had respect for Bryan. There weren't many nineteen year-old boys in this world willing enough to take responsibility for what their girlfriend was housing in her stomach. To see that he was mature enough—and ready enough for the commitment—, any mother would be proud of that.

So I always listened to what he had to say. "Hm?"

"I…" He raised a hand to the back of his head and scratched at his long, tan hair that just barely scraped his shoulders in thin chunks. It was sticking out from the sides of his cap, and a few stray pieces found their escape through the back. He was looking the other way, feeling hesitant and awkward about what he was going to say, or ask of me, since he so often turned to me for advice.

"What is it, Bryan?" I asked with patience.

"Well… You know how Marie and I have been together for a while now, right?" He really was nervous about this.

I nodded. "Yes."

"And… she's going to have my baby in September, right?"

I nodded once slowly. I couldn't help but think that maybe he was going to ask that question…

"Bryan?" I said, more to help him through his hesitation than I was to ease my impatience.

He looked at me, his brown eyes wide, making him almost look thirteen. A rather pathetic looking thirteen year-old. He looked like Mikey Way to me before he got rid of his glasses. Granted, Bryan didn't wear glasses, but that's beside the point.

"Are…" I was hesitant myself to say it. "Are you going to ask her to marry you?"

A deep blush grew on his face, but he nodded. "Do… do you think it's a good idea?"

I'd never really thought of marriage before. It was just something that I had no reason to think about. I wasn't a little girl dreaming of her wedding day. Planning on how beautiful and luxurious it would be. Walking down the aisle with a gorgeous gown that hugged every right part of my body; getting my hair done in a one-of-a-kind way that no other woman had on her wedding… No, that was not an area in which I was really skilled with. And I started to feel slightly guilty about it. Bryan always looked up to me as an older brother. It was sort of touching. But it wasn't like we were close buddies; he still had that nervous fear in the back that made him worry about approaching me for anything, much less an order.

I closed my eyes and exhaled in thought. "Honestly, Bryan, marriage isn't a key strength that I have," I admitted. "But if you truly feel that way towards her, then go for it. You won't know how she feels about it until you ask her."

It was blunt, but true. He wasn't disappointed with the response like I thought he would—it actually gave him confidence in what he wanted to do.

"Okay," he said, with sheer determinacy. "I already have a ring, too. Wanna see?"

I wanted to, but knowing him and how clumsy he was, I had to decline. Politely, of course. But he seemed so much more relieved to know that I was behind him one hundred percent on this. And I really was. Course, I wonder if nineteen was really the right age to marry… It was just so young. It was like throwing your life away, but you could never be too sure if the person you're with is really the right one. Or, they could be, but you let them go because you weren't worthy of them. But… if they were meant to be, then they'd always come back to each other in the end. Bryan and Marie have had their conflicts in the past, but they've always gotten back together in the end. So, I guess it was right for them to take the next step.

"Thanks, Gaara," he said. "You're always a great help."

I gave him a half-smile. I knew he wouldn't take it as half-hearted like everybody else did. And I was grateful towards him for it.

After this, the only talk was for taking orders, getting the right food for each order, and saying when we were going to check out.

--After work--

Normally, I didn't listen to the radio when I was driving home. They mostly played junk that had no importance to it other than sex, the opposite sex, or money. It was the only thing, it seemed, that people could listen to. But this time, coming out of work, a song caught my attention that prevented me from turning off the radio and listening to one of my CDs.

It wasn't as slow as the one by Ani DiFranco, but that didn't mean that I didn't find it less interesting or pleasingly attractive to my ears. It had a more up-beat tempo to it, but that wasn't what caught my attention. Actually, it sort of reminded me of my life. I never really let anybody in close enough for people to get to know me, much less really have a solid opinion of me. Or like me, for that matter. Lee and Bryan were huge exceptions, of course, but I didn't love either of them. Bryan with his soon-to-be--hopeful--fiancée, and Lee barely knowing me, there was no place for Cupid to shoot me in the ass to make me fall in love with another.

Lee... That reminded me. Lee was going to call me when he got home. Around seven-thirty, he said. Judging from the time on the car's clock, I still had a good two hours to go before that would happen. It made me anxious with all the time I had to wait for this man to get a hold of me. It made me feel like I was the man in a heterosexual relationship--always waiting on the girl to get her hair just right, to get her make-up on precisely, to smooth out her outfit, to make sure there were no unwanted bumps on her face, to just look beautiful. Course, my sexuality had always been the pinnacle of many a gossip group in high school. Since I never dated, and I rejected every girl who was brave enough to admit they had a crush on me, it just made them wonder if I was gay. But all the boys could protest that statement because I never looked at them in a manner that said, 'I'm curious to know what it's like to fuck you.' So, they wondered if I was just too shy to ask a girl out. But it was neither. I never felt attracted to any of the student body going to high school. I had more important things to do than worry about love.

Another song started to play. I decided I should try to listen to it, as well.

_Ooh, deary me_

_My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed_

_I tell him he should get up 'cause it's nearly half past three_

_He can't be bothered 'cause he's high on THC_

_I ask him very nicely if he would like a cup of tea_

_I can't even see him 'cause his room is so smoky_

(Lily Allen - Alfie)

Never mind. I wasn't in the right state of mind to listen to a song like that. I had siblings--two of them, to be exact. But the amount of contact we've had with each other has been rather limited. Temari was busy doing her own things working a large corporate business; while Kankorou was content doing puppet shows for children. They were making a great living, compared to how I was living my life. Working as a 'fry boy' getting minimum wage and living in an apartment probably wasn't the best way that I could live my life, but what choice did I have? I wasn't making the money my siblings were doing the things they loved to do. I was here making money doing something I wasn't fond of doing. But I just live.

--Home--

I flicked the light on to my living room, which lit up the majority of my apartment, minus my bathroom and my bedroom. Cookie was sleeping soundly on my couch and, to my surprise; there were no presents for me to clean. What a good dog.

I hung my coat up and took a seat on my couch, eyeballing the clock. I still had quite a while before Lee would even think of picking his phone up. But still, I was anxious and tired of waiting for these long periods of time to pass through... It was like someone counting the minutes to his or her deaths: it took an eternity. That aside, I had to find something to do before I started counting seconds and minutes like a mad man.

But of course, that would prove to be quite the difficult task... I started thinking of the things I could do. I could call someone, but there was nobody but Lee to call. I could teach Cookie some new tricks, but I didn't want to wake her from her sleep. I could clean the house, but all the clatter involved would only wake my dog up. I could write down my feelings about everything that's going on, but I've never been much of a writer. I could try drawing mindless doodles for my own amusement, but of course, my artistic skills were to be desired. It was sort of annoying to know that I couldn't think of anything to do to rid myself of this anxiety. I felt like I was going to go mental just trying to keep myself sane.

"This is just annoying," I muttered to myself in annoyance. "Why can't I think of anything to do?"

I heard Cookie yawn as she groggily awoke from her nap. Or, I assumed it was a nap; she could've gotten a little over eight hours of sleep while I was gone. But that was... wait... I was losing it. I'll just forget this. I'll wait for Lee to call me at seven-thirty, and we would talk about meeting each other at our houses. That's fine. But, it would be embarrassing if it weren't Lee who answered his cell phone... Being on the verge of insanity was just immoral by all accounts...

--Two minutes before seven-thirty--

I'd managed to stay alive, but my sanity was rather questionable at this point. I had less than two minutes now before Lee would call, and honestly, I still wasn't totally convinced that he would follow through with it. That paranoia was picking at me again, and it wasn't leaving me alone. How annoying. I couldn't for once have an optimistic view on something? We were friends, we exchanged numbers, and he's going to call me. We've only been around each other twice, but still... that's better than what people have done in the past to me.

Oh, deary me... I guess trying to get passed this paranoia was going to be tougher than I thought...

A ring came from my phone. Then a second one. At first, I thought maybe it was just a telemarketer trying to sell me something, but those aren't really common for me to get. After all, I wasn't the most socially accepted person in the universe. So I wondered if it was really Lee who was calling me...

"Hello?" I say.

"Gaara?" asked a familiar voice. "Is this Gaara?"

"Yes," I replied, slightly relieved that it wasn't a telemarketer.

I heard him exhale in relief. "Woo, that's good. I was afraid that I'd have gotten some strange number..."

I scoffed halfheartedly.

"So, how have you been?" he asked. "With work and all?"

"Work was boring," I said, almost impatiently. I really didn't want to discuss my workday with him. Did it really matter how well my day went at work? It wasn't like I would have anything to take my rage on. And even if I did, it wouldn't be Cookie or Lee.

"Mm, I see," he said. "Work was all right for me. But that aside," he said, pausing soon after. "Do you want me to come over tonight?"

I didn't say anything in response.

"Or, maybe some other time?" he asked quickly, fearful that maybe he was going too fast.

"No… I'm not busy," I replied, feeling somewhat awkward. I'm not used to people coming over to my house. Even the lady who owns this place rarely comes over. She never even comes in when she does.

"Great," he said enthusiastically. "Then shall I come over tonight?"

"I... I suppose there's no problem," I said.

"Okay, then," he said. "May I have your address? I'll give you mine after I write down yours."

So I gave him my address. Mine was really easy to remember, but his was a little far out in the woods. I'm not used to living out in the woods; I'm used to living nearby a city where there were hardly any trees, and mostly houses, stores, cars, and roads.

"Okay," he said. "I shall be there soon. We do not live a great distance away, so that is convenient. I shall talk to you then, okay?"

"Sure," I replied curtly, but without rudeness. "See you then." Honestly, I was just nervous and anxious. I certainly hoped to hear someone knocking on my door besides the twins or that strange old woman...

"Goodbye," he said.

"'Bye," I replied.

He hung up after that. My heart was pounding loudly, knowing that he would show up at my door expecting to see me open it. I know he's excited--and I am, too--but as much as I really want to get to know him, it still scared me to know that he was going so fast. And the fact that he'd grabbed me by the hand and had taken me along with him, that was even scarier. He had control over me that I allowed nobody. But yet, here he was taking his hand in mine and dragging me around like he was five with his older brother. It was just that easy. And I suddenly felt very easy...

I heard Cookie yawn, drawing me from my thoughts and to reality. She looked up at me and smiled, her tongue hanging out and her tail wagging. She yipped at me once and jumped into my lap. I started petting her as she settled down and got cozy in my lap, resting her head atop my knee. For someone so energetic and outgoing, she was too cute to ignore. At least she was just a puppy. But I hoped that when she grew older that she would learn to settle down.

--Some few minutes later--

I was beginning to doze off until I heard a knock on the door. Immediately, I sprang up, scaring my dog off, and slid to the door, almost hitting my face against it. I opened it quickly, and I was breathing hard from the sudden jolt of energy I generally didn't have. Lee was on the other side with his hand still up in the air in a fist, ready to knock a few more times. He was wide-eyed and taken by surprise. He wasn't expecting me to answer so dutifully. I had to say it surprised me, too.

"H-hi... Gaara," he said, still taken by surprise.

I smiled awkwardly, knowing on the inside that I looked like an absolute fool. I'd never felt so awkward in my life. Or have I ever jumped up so fast to answer the door for someone.

"Hi... Lee," I said, feeling rather stupid and excited at the same time. Would... would you like to come in?"

"Uh... um, okay," he said, blinking a few times to shake off the surprise. He entered slowly, still trying to settle his most likely fast beating heart. I had to say; I was as giddy and happy as a little schoolgirl talking about my favorite boy band. My heart was beating fast, and I couldn't keep the smile forming on my face from staying off my face... It was annoying and my cheeks were probably going to hurt when he left.

"So... this is where you live, huh?" he said, looking around. I don't know if he was admiring my place, or was just surprised by how bright the place was. I don't think he was trying to be stereotypical, but it was so socially accepted around the world, that it just came naturally to him. But then again, he might not have. I'm sure everyone expects different things when going to a person's house.

"Yeah..." I replied; feeling slightly embarrassed about it. "I know it's not the most decorative place in the world."

"No, no," he protested. "It is fine. I am actually sort of glad. The people I have visited in the past have countless pictures in their houses, or they have children they want me to meet, or they want it to be very formal... I am not really fond of that." He raised a hand to the back of his head and smiled sheepishly. He was blushing slightly, but I thought it made him look rather charming. Course, I didn't say it.

"Well, then," I said. "Would you like me to show you around?"

He smiled, and nodded. "Yes, please."

"Okay," I said. "Follow me."

I took him into the living room, and showed him the kitchen/dining room. I showed him where my bathroom was in case he needed to use it (my cooking wasn't great, but not terribly bad); I showed him the spare room I had no use for (for now...); and I showed him my room, which was about as decorative as an insane asylum's padded rooms. The only differences are that I have windows, a bed, a dresser with clothes, a vase with a couple roses, and some decorative pieces to make it seem happier than it truthfully was. And it wasn't padded for that matter.

He chuckled. I made him laugh. Again. That was always a positive thing. That is, unless I wasn't trying to make him laugh...

"I have someone you need to meet," I said.

"Oh?" He didn't sound too enthusiastic at first, and that made me think for a moment. Why would he care so much if we were just friends? We had actually just become friends, and he was already making it obvious that he was jealous of whomever it was I wanted him to meet. It made me feel slightly happy, tugging at my heart just a little bit, but I had to cool him off before he got too hot...

"Lee..." I said, "it's just my dog..."

He instantly relaxed. "Oh, okay." His smile returned to his face after that. "I was getting a little over-reactive for a moment there. I am sorry." He blushed and bowed his head slightly in an apology. I simply shook my head and said that it was all right. It didn't bother me that he felt jealous. It made me smile, really. He cared enough for me to actually grow defensive.

I called out Cookie's name, and waited for her to come running up to me. She jolted at the speed of lightening up to my feet and sat down, tail wagging, looking up at me with her mouth open and her tongue hanging out. Lee immediately went to pick her up. His eyes exploded with interest and his cheeks were red with adornment. He thought Cookie was the most 'adorable' and the 'cutest' thing he'd ever laid eyes on. I couldn't help but laugh slightly at his reaction.

"Gaara, she is just adorable!" he shrieked. It sounded really girly, but cute. "How long have you had her?"

I thought about it for a minute. "Not very long. I got her just this past week after meeting you," I replied casually.

He pondered what I said for a moment, and then resumed playing with my dog. I couldn't help but feel slightly jealous that he was more interested in playing with my puppy than hanging out with me... "Oh, fine," I said, in a mock jealous voice. "I guess if you'd rather just play with Cookie, then I guess you can just take her and leave." I looked over my shoulder to see his reaction, and he seemed genuinely hurt. He looked offended that I'd just said that, and immediately put Cookie down.

"No… that is not why..." But he really didn't have the motivation to finish it. His energy seemed to be sucked dry from him after I said that. And he went for the door.

"Lee."

He turned his head to look at me.

"I was just kidding. I don't really mean that."

"Oh," he said, his spirit starting to lift back up. "I see then." He seemed to bounce back after that, taking a spot on the couch next to me. It was like he was really determined to regain himself as my friend, even though I didn't feel any less about him. "So... what is it you want to do?"

I shook my head. "That's up to you, Lee. You're the guest here. I'm just trying to be a good host. Though I'm not very good..." I added under my breath.

"Huh?" He looked at me with curiosity.

I shook my head again. "No, it's nothing. Sorry. I was just zoning out for a minute. I don't have any games," I said, trying to change the subject. "But we can watch TV, or we can talk about whatever, or... I don't know. I'm not good at this."

"That is okay," he said. "I am content to just talk. Or sit here, for that matter."

That was not a great response. It only made me feel more confused more lost, unsure of what to do. This was the most awkward I'd ever felt in my entire life, having this person come over to my apartment to actually stay with me. I'd never had that happen before, I'd never had someone spend the night at my house, I just was not good at this game. It was like playing Sorry. You get a card that lets you come out, and then someone comes up and bumps you back into the womb. Course, I could never win at Sorry because the twins always decided to gang up on me until they each had three pawns in the... well, then. I used 'womb' to describe the starting point. Maybe I just won't use something to describe the ending point. I'll just leave that up to you. I'm sure you have creativity and an imagination.

I sighed. Not so much out of irritation for Lee's lack of creativity, but for the annoyance in myself knowing that I couldn't think of anything to do. I didn't know a good conversation starter, I didn't know what he liked to do for fun, I didn't love him, we were just friends, making out is not an option at this point, I wish I wasn't so damn clueless. There's got to be something I can think of… But what? Well, I guess I can just start asking questions.

"Lee."

"Hm?"

"..." I lost it.

He cocked his head, as he looked at me, confused by my sudden loss of words. "Is something wrong?"

"Let's talk." I was being far too blunt for an open-ended conversation. If anything, I needed to learn more about being sociable.

"Sure," he agreed happily. He frowned soon after. "About what, though?"

"Uh... why don't you start?"

"O… kay. I suppose I can do that." He pondered it a couple seconds, bringing his hand up to his chin. As if that'll help his brain work any faster. "Who is your best friend?"

I froze for a split second before lowering my head. I didn't have any friends. Well, besides him, and he wasn't even technically my best friend. Not yet, at least. Or, if it would ever happen, anyway.

"I... Did I strike a nerve?" He sounded guilty. "I am sorry. I did not mean anything by it..."

I shook my head. "No. It's not your fault. It's not like you knew..." I looked up. "Honestly, you're my best friend. I've never had any real friends of my own until I met you. And it just seems so random that you would come up to me and talk. To me." I found it extremely difficult to believe that a stranger would actually talk to me, when my own peers never talked to me. It didn't make sense, really.

He was silent. It made me nervous. He chose the worst possible time to not say a word. I looked down, thinking to myself that I'd just lost my first best friend in my entire life because I had to be stupid and say something to completely ruin everything. Which was just great. Because all my life, I've done nothing but destroy what I wanted to create all along. I wanted a friend, I wanted a person to stick by me, I wanted someone who I could rely on and they could do the same, I just wanted someone to be in my life more often than just holidays.

I was on the verge of just telling him to leave, but he did something that caught me off-guard, and I didn't know how to say no.

He wrapped his hands around my face and pulled me forward slowly. I could've at any given time resisted and I didn't. I felt his lips brush against mine lightly, and I flushed. His face rubbed against mine softly, and my heartbeat sped up. I couldn't move, I could barely breathe right. I just fell limp, letting him take complete control over me. I didn't know what he was doing until I felt his lips press against mine. It wasn't open-mouthed at first because I wasn't sure what he was doing to me. His eyes were closed while my eyes were wide open, staring at him in shock. He brought one hand away from my cheek and grabbed a chunk of my hair, though not to hurt me, as he coaxed me into opening my mouth. I wasn't entirely sure of what to do at first, so I started thinking about what lovers did in romance movies. Hesitantly and slowly, I placed my hands on his sides, just a few inches under his armpits, and I leaned into his lips.

Taking that as a sign, he removed his other hand from my face and wrapped it around my shoulders, bringing me even closer. I thought he was going to go further (just because I'd seen that happen in movies), but instead, he pulled away, opening his eyes slowly. My eyes opened soon afterwards and I looked at him, more or less in confusion. He didn't say anything (I guess you're not supposed to). He just kissed my nose before he rested his forehead against mine, wrapping his other arm that was in my hair around me. I couldn't think of anything to do other than to wrap my arms around him, though not quite linking my hands together. And, as much as I wanted to say something, I didn't. Despite the fact that I wasn't at all ready for something so sudden, I felt compelled to keep quiet. It was a horrible time to be awkward. Though, he said one thing: "Panda..."


	5. Loser

**Rating:** M; Language, blood, gore

**Pairing: **Possible LeeXGaara

**Disclaimer:** I own not a thing other than Cookie.

**Warnings:** Sadness, death, blood, gore.

**Author's Notes:** I... dislike this chapter. It didn't go the way I wanted it to, and it wound up getting the saddest ending out of the story so far. So yeah... If you were actually a fan of my little OC canine... Wow... I'm an angsty bitch, aren't I?

* * *

**The Sun Doesn't Always Shine for Losers.**

* * *

I couldn't believe Lee kissed me. Me! It was unexpected; it was inappropriate, uncalled for, and completely wanted.

"Panda," he said again. He pulled away, much to my dismay, and gave me an apologetic look. "I am sorry for that. It's just... when you said that; it, for some reason, seemed like the right thing to do. I know we do not know each other that well, but..." He couldn't finish but I knew where he was going to go with it.

It was one of those relationships that grew too quickly. It would lead to something believed to be romance, but it would die after a short amount of time. I didn't want that--it only caused a horrible awkwardness to ensue, and our relationship would probably never recover after that. And, I really didn't want that to happen. I wanted Lee as a friend, and, if it got there, a lover as well. But that would come later if it lasted that long.

However, at this moment, I really enjoyed the physical attention I was receiving. I wrapped my arms completely around him, causing him to tense slightly before gradually relaxing before hugging me back.

"Lee," I whispered into his ear, "I don't mind getting hugs."

He was a bit surprised by my confession, but hugged me back nonetheless. It was nice getting hugs from a friend. It felt reassuring, and it was comforting. I'm not used to getting hugs from anybody, and yet, I found it was one of the easiest things in my life I have ever done. I really didn't want to let go. The warmth was just too inviting--too overpowering--to deny. And, somewhere along the line, Lee had started rubbing my back.

I exhaled in comfort. The sensation from such tiny gestures was unrealistic to me, but I loved it anyway.

Lee pulled away and I frowned.

"Panda?" He gave me a questioning look, but I knew what he was implying.

I shook my head. "No. It's soon for anything drastic, Lee."

He nodded, but he looked so down in the dumps all of a sudden. Seeing him like that was so out of place for him, and it made me feel really guilty. But it's not like it would change anything. We'd still be jumping the gun too quickly. If anything, we should take it slowly, like I had intended on doing in the first place. It's not like I was totally shutting the door in his face--there'd still be a chance in the future.

Still... I felt compelled to bring him back to his cheerful disposition. I just didn't want him to get the impression that we were anything more than just friends. Would asking him to stay the night be saying the wrong thing? I would try it anyway.

"Lee?"

He looked at me.

"Um... would you like to stay the night?"

For a split second, the passion in his eyes was there, but it faded into his current state of depression. I thought that, for a moment, he was going to say yes, but instead, he shook his head. With a sigh and forced effort, he unlatched himself from my arms, gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and left without saying a word. I could only sit there, wide-eyed and frozen, completely in shock. Had I just ruined the only true friendship I'd ever had?

I looked down at my hands, fisting and unfisting them as I recapped what had just happened. I felt my body go numb as my heart started to break on me again. There was no way I was going to sleep soundly tonight.

--The Next Morning--

Waking up the next morning to feel like somebody had clawed my heart out was a bitter and painful feeling to have. It felt like I had a hole that was continuously growing, ready to devour me whole. But when you've spent the majority of your life alone, that sort of feeling tends to exist. It was nothing new to me, but it was nothing I wanted to welcome back into my life.

Slowly, I got out of bed, flinching at the pain that hurt so much inside of me. I didn't enjoy this for a single moment. I did something to Lee, and I wanted to make up for it. I didn't want to jump into a relationship so soon because something similar would've happened between us. I wanted to get a hold of him, so I called him. I hoped he hadn't blocked me.

One ring. Two rings. Three Rings. "Hello?" The voice was his, but it didn't sound like the happy one was I used to hearing.

"... Lee?" I said with hesitation. I didn't know if he was afraid to answer his phone, or if he never stored my number. Either way, it still brought in that paranoia of him hanging up on me.

There was a pause on the other side, which I thought would lead to a 'click'. But there wasn't. "Gaara, why are you calling so early?"

I flinched. He used my name. Does that mean I've been demoted back down to an acquaintance? I hoped not.

"Lee... I-I'm sorry," I choked. "I-I didn't mean to sound like I was g-giving off the wrong impression." I stopped to let him say something, but he didn't speak. Had it not been for his breathing on the other line, I would've thought he hung up on me. "Lee," I continued. "I really like you as a friend and I might even be starting to fall for you. It's just... I don't want to go too fast; I'm afraid it'll just fall apart in the end... And I don't want that. I'm sorry for hurting you--I didn't mean to. And… if you want, we could hold hands...?" I knew it was such a small gesture, but allowing him chaste kisses would only lead to something I wanted to wait for.

The pause was still there, followed by a sign. I didn't think this would go by too fast, and honestly, I was beginning to regret the 'just holding hands' part... I wanted him to be the happy Lee I'd grown accustomed to, but I knew all-too-well the time needed to mend a broken heart. And mine was still healing.

Finally, there was a breakthrough.

"Gaara, does it bother you that I call you Panda?" It wasn't quite there, but his optimism was returning. I sighed in relief.

"No, not at all," I admitted happily, rather uncharacteristically.

"And… what about... the kiss?" he asked hesitantly. Touchy.

"... It surprised me," I said, "but no, it didn't freak me out."

"Did you like it?"

I froze slightly. "Yes."

He chuckled. I sighed in relief once more. "Well, that is good."

I allowed myself to relax and chuckled, too. I was thankful that Lee had such a strong character. I wouldn't have done well if he'd have just blown me off altogether. I still felt a twinge of guilt, though. Like maybe he was forcing some of his enthusiasm.

"Lee?"

"Hm? What is it, Panda?"

I cringed, which I know doesn't make sense, but I was afraid that I might hit a touchy subject.

"Are... are you okay?"

A pause. Either he felt like I'd just busted him, or he was wondering that same question himself in confusion. But he gave me a response anyway.

"Honestly, Panda, it hurts. I was hoping for something more, but... I guess what we have is just as okay."

"I'm sorry..." I closed my eyes in shame and guilt.

"No, no, it is okay. Really. It will be okay. Do not worry about it." He chuckled out of nervousness. "I feel like I should say something, but I am afraid of jeopardizing anything..."

I think I knew what he was going to say but I was afraid, too. But... I wanted to hear it to believe I wasn't going crazy with desperation.

"Say it, then," I said.

He inhaled, like he was bracing himself. The suspense was killing me.

"Lee, please say it," I said, slightly pleading.

"I... I love you," he whispered.

And it was at that point that everything just flew out the window. My heart was beating like it was on steroids. My breathing came in labored, short puffs. My face was burning like a chili pepper and my arms were shaking horribly. I thought I was going to drop the phone.

"Panda?" came Lee's voice. "Are you okay?"

I snapped back to reality. "Y-yeah... I'm sorry. It's just... nobody's ever said that to me before... It's new to me."

He laughed. "Well, then that is something that you will need to get used to. Because I will surely say it a lot more."

I chuckled. I realized I'd been ding that a lot lately and I didn't quite understand why. "Really. You're going to say it often then?"

"That I will, Panda," he said happily. "Because we have something slightly better than a friendship if we fought over something such as that." He paused. "Do... do you think that this was a 'first sight' thing?"

I thought about that for a few seconds. "Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. It could've been."

"Maybe we should figure it out, then," he said.

I was confused. "Lee, we can't do that."

"Sure we can," he insisted. "We can just recall how we reacted to each others' appearance that day."

Oh...

"You go first," he said enthusiastically.

"No, Lee," I said quickly. "I can't."

"Why?" he seemed distraught, but quickly shrugged it off. "Well, I'll go first then if you want."

It wasn't that I was embarrassed, it was just... too soon. It'd be one thing if we were committed, but not in a fragile relationship.

"This won't hurt the relationship will it?" I was worried...

"Well, no but..." He faded for a moment. "It depends on what we were both feeling that night."

"Oh..."

"Panda?"

"Tell me," I said bluntly. "What you were feeling that night."

As he was about to tell me, there was a voice in the background calling Lee's name.

"Coming!" he called back. "Panda? Gai-Sensei is calling me. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Sure."

He put the phone down and I suddenly felt like I could breathe. No, he wasn't being annoying. I was just scared, that's all. But I figured that it should be pretty obvious--he kissed me! But still, I wanted to know if maybe his view of me is different now from how it was when we first met. Because after all, views do change with time... don't they?

"Okay, I'm back," he said. "Why won't you tell me?"

"Our opinions can change, you know," I said, feeling strangely rude.

"Yes, I am aware..." He sounded rather distraught. "But I am not asking of your current opinion; merely your first opinion. Is... that too wrong a question to ask?"

"Well... it's just the feelings involved. I'm worried about those, that's all."

"Oh... I see." He said nothing for a minute, thinking about what I said. "Well," he started, "if it helps your anxiety to rest, I did not think negatively about you."

"I remember," I said, "that I 'tweaked your curiosity.' Though, I never said anything to you."

"No," he agreed. "You were like a snail caught in its shell. You were too afraid to come out on your own, so I had to slowly pull you out. You are still like a snail, by the way..."

Nice simile... "I guess that's one way of putting it." Though, I wouldn't mind being compared to something else...

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," I said quietly.

"You shouldn't lie, Gaara," he scolded, though lightly.

Was that supposed to say something? The fast pace was scaring me. But was the ability to 'see' a lie on the phone something that came with the package? I wasn't entirely sure but it was enough to freak me out.

"Panda," he said, "tell me what's wrong. Please tell me."

"... I wanted to be compared to something better than a snail," I replied feeling rather childish.

He just laughed. "Well, then. What about a bear stuck in hibernation, then?"

"Better," I agreed.

"Well, then..."

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, Panda, I am," he answered, then said, "I honestly wanted to hang up on you because of the whole situation, but now I am glad I did not."

"Right," I agreed. Brownie Point Score: Lee--countless; me--one. It's a new record.

"Um..."

"Hm?"

"What did you think of me that day?"

"Lee, that's asking far too much right now," I said sternly. "When the time comes, I'll tell you."

Silence.

"Lee? Are you still there? You're making me nervous."

"I am sorry..."

"Don't worry about it. Just do me a favor and cheer up soon, okay?"

He giggled. "Sure."

I sighed in relief and smiled. "Thank you."

"Heh heh, no problem."

There was a pause for a brief moment, then he said, "Hey, Panda? I have to go because Gai-Sensei will be opening the dojo soon."

"Okay..."

"I will call you later, all right? Though, it will probably not be until around eight o'clock tonight. Is… that all right with you?"

"Yes," I replied quickly.

He scoffed, then said, "You and your short answer responses."

"Yeah," I scoffed back. "You and your 'say two different words that mean the same thing' responses."

"Ha ha, you are so funny," he said sarcastically.

"Don't do that, " I said. "Sarcasm isn't your thing. Stick to humor and being cute."

What!? Did I just say that!? Oh my... god! I'm turning into a pathetic, fucking panda bear! My god this is pathetic!

"Well, then," came Lee's response. "Weren't you the one who wanted to go slow?"

"It just slipped," I protested.

"Right..." He did not sound convinced.

"Lee," I fumed.

"Heh heh, I'm just teasing you," he assured.

"I know."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up first this time. He was coming over again. It didn't bother me but I've never gone to his place before. Does that say something as well? I'm not entirely sure, but damn it, I'd like to know. I'm tired of being so naive to this type of relationship. But it wasn't my fault--nobody was brave enough to even try to make a move on me. I felt like a holy virgin; a nun feared for possible witchcraft.

"I need to work on my imagination," I complained. "It's getting too out of hand..."

Maybe I shouldn't stray too far from nihilism; the curiosity, the innocence, the confusion, it wasn't me. What happened to the lack of emotions, the intimidation, and the mental superiority I used to have? Apparently Lee took that way from me, I replied mentally. Great... I would much rather go back to what I knew instead of trying to figure out the new.

A whimper.

Was that I? But I didn't do that.

I looked down and there was Cookie. She started circling around like she had to use the bathroom. I sighed for no reason and took her outside.

She whined at me and barked. She looked like she was trying to tell me something, but I wasn't Kiba.

"What's wrong?"

She growled. It wasn't done out of aggression to attack me, but I don't think she's ever growled to me before. It made me wonder if she was trying to tell me something important. I went to walk up to her, until that is; she decided she was going to take a dash for the other direction.

"Hey!" I called, running after her. "Cookie! Come back!"

But she didn't. She kept running and running and I was quickly losing her. She had too much life and energy that I didn't. I continued to chase after her until I started losing her altogether and I couldn't even breathe without struggling. I couldn't call out her name and I had no idea where the hell she was going. I couldn't walk home and call the pound or the police or _whatever_, to try to find her because I felt guilty enough for stopping and catching my breath.

Cookie...

--Later--

I was home and going completely out of my mind. I had two hours before Lee got out of work, and I was still waiting for the phone call that would let me know where the hell my dog was. My sanity was rather questionable at this point but I was losing it over the worry I had for my missing dog. How long had I had her? I don't think I've even had her for over a month. I must be horrible at this... If she's still alive, then I'll make sure to put her on a leash. She'd probably hate me, though, because I've had no reason to use a leash other than to take her on walks.

My phone rang. I picked it up without haste, my patience hurled out the window.

"Hello?" I said frantically, tripping over myself.

"Gaara?" came a robotic voice. "We've found your dog."

His voice was unemotional. I couldn't tell if I should feel relieved, or in tears. Would I cry?

"Is… is something wrong?" My heart was pounding in my head, I felt like my ears were gushing blood.

"We'll... send someone over to pick you up to see your dog," he replied.

"You... can't bring her to me...?"

"... No, I'm sorry," he said carefully. "There should be a knock on the door soon."

Sure enough, a knock came. I slammed the phone back onto the receiver and ripped the door open. The man behind it was, for the most part, unaffected, but wide-eyed. He gestured for me to follow and we drove off to wherever my dog had decided to stop.

When we got there, I couldn't see my dog. I just saw flashing police lights, a bunch of catcalls, and a circle of police around something. I got out of the car and as I walked closer, I realized that the center of attention was my dog. My dead dog. I couldn't say anything. All I could do was tilt my head in disappointment and twist my mouth into an irritated fashion.

Of course. Nothing in my life had ever worked out before, so why would my dog story get to have a happy ending? So it didn't. My dog was seven months old, lively, hyperactive, energetic, lovable, loyal, dead. She was probably the happiest thing in my life, and now... she was gone. Hit by a car, no doubt. Her back was broken, having the skin, veins, and muscle completely gouged out to see the vertebrae broken in two and over-lapped. There was a puddle of blood that was steadily growing larger beneath her. Her eyes were open, her mouth agape, blood seeping from there as well.

I felt guilty. This could have been an easy thing to avoid, and yet I had no reason to think something negative would happen. But what's the point in creating excuses? I could've used my brain to think of all the logical things that could happen. Hell, not only am I plagued with my curiosity of what she was chasing, but for the guilt of not being a good enough owner as well.

I let out a heavy and sad-filled sigh as I knelt down to stroke the part of her that wasn't damaged or bloody. _I'm sorry..._

"Gaara," a voice said coldly.

I stood back up, now more pissed than sorrowful.

"What should we do with her?"

"There's a cemetery next to the dog park," I replied.

He knelt down after pulling out a bag to put her in.

"Stop," I said coldly, crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm going to bury her myself."

The man said nothing. He merely handed me the bag and watched as I put my dog in it, only wishing I had something better to keep her in. I'll bury her in her bed and blanket, I thought. All I had to do was run up to my apartment and grab the stuff. It's not like the police were going to try to get on my testy side anyway.

XxXxXxXx

Burying my dog was probably the hardest things I'd ever done in my entire life.


	6. Maybe

**Rating: **M; language, Shonen-ai.

**Pairing: **Possible LeeXGaara

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything. I only own what the characters' actions, what they eat, the OC characters, and anything else that is legally copyrighted or owned. Which isn't much.

**Warning: **Fluffy, language, sarcasm.

**Author's Notes: **I'm back from the incident. Which is great (I'm sure you could tell from the one-shot I wrote). I'll try to update as much as I possibly can, so don't get mad at me for a lack of update.

* * *

**Maybe There's Someone for Everyone.**

* * *

Being back home now, I had very strong feelings of guilt, anger, and sorrow. My dog was gone and I was stuck with seeing two dog bowls and half a bag of dog food. I could give the stuff to Kiba because he lived with all those dogs. Well, I honestly didn't know how he'd react if I called him out of the blue. Especially since I hadn't seen him in seven years. Surprising how I managed to keep hold of his number for so long. Course, numbers can change...

I let out a heavy sigh. Lee was supposed to be coming over in the next hour, and honestly, I wasn't entirely sure I _wanted _him to come over. I didn't exactly want him to see me like this, all depressed and puffy-eyed. Yes, I cried. I cried as soon as I shut the door to my house. However, I didn't want to call and cancel the whole thing altogether--I _still _wanted to see him. Maybe his cheerfulness and his smile would help me feel better.

--Later--

I didn't know when, but somewhere along the line, I ended up falling asleep on the couch with the blanket cocooned around me. I woke up to Lee sitting next to me. He'd been trying to wake me up apparently, because he was calling my name and shaking me gently. I felt a mix of anger and happiness upon seeing him in my house. I was angry because he'd just let himself in my house without so much as even trying to knock hard enough to wake me up. It was like he was showing me no respect and it pissed me off. On the other hand, I was happy because I wanted to see him. He was my anti-depressant that would make me even _more _of a loner for the first few days, and then I would be a hyper, happy squirrel. That was sarcastic, of course.

"Panda, are you okay?" he asked, giving me a slightly confused look. "Your eyes look a little puffy."

"I'm fine," I replied automatically, almost defensively. I looked away from him to the TV that wasn't even on.

"Is that so?" he questioned. "Then if that is true, then why is the TV off?"

"I'm thinking about what to watch," I replied weakly.

He furrowed one of his caterpillars and arched the other and looked at me through half-closed eyes, giving me the most unimpressed look I'm sure he's _ever _given someone in his life. "I do not buy that," he said. "If anything, you would be flipping through the channels until you found something that looked interesting. You are not even using a TV guide."

"I don't even _buy _TV guides," I protested. Though, I couldn't hide the fact that I was losing this battle horribly.

"Exactly," he said, proving his point. "So tell me what is wrong. Is that really so difficult a question that you have to resort to acting like a spoiled child?"

I glared at him. "You're no saint, either." I wasn't going to go down unless I knew I put up a good fight. Actually, I didn't want to lose at all.

"Panda, please," he said, "I really do not want to argue about this. We are acting like a married couple with fifty years on us..."

I rolled my eyes. "For someone who always seems so determined, you sure did give up easily."

"I did not," he protested. "Just please, tell me what is wrong."

I sighed. I didn't want to fight either, I was just being stubborn. "... Lee, my... my dog was hit by a car."

"..." He looked down at his hands for a moment, then looked at me. I looked back at him. His eyes were saying he wanted to say and do quite a few things, but something was restraining him.

"What?" It wasn't a defensive question, just simple curiosity.

Again, he didn't say anything. Instead, he took his hand and put it on my cheek, pulling me closer to him. I was wide-eyed and blushing, but I wasn't protesting. He didn't kiss me on the lips like last time, but a kiss (not a peck) to the cheek was just as surprising. He lowered his head down to my neck, burying his face in the crook, whilst the hand on my cheek lowered itself to my torso, coiling itself around me. His other one followed soon afterwards. He was kissing my neck fervently, acting either very impatient, or very excited. This was the third time he'd kissed me; only this time, he was leaving passionate butterfly kisses on my neck and shoulder. I wondered if he was going to bite me and leave a mark. I hoped not--my co-workers would never live it down that the 'asexual Gaara who never dated' was housing a giant hickey on his neck. Well, knowing Lee, I wouldn't put it passed him to try to leave _something _behind. On the most exposed part of my body, no less.

"Ah." What the hell was _that_? Was... was that his _tongue_! When I felt the wet muscle run along the same path again, I held back the moan, suppressed the shudder, and pulled my head back. I didn't mind the kissing part.

He caught the hint and immediately pulled back. I thought it was sort of strange that Lee had enough respect (...) for me to control his lust; but yet, because of his training at the dojo, he could've _easily_ overpowered me. I mentally slapped myself. I was comparing Lee to a rapist... _Wasn't _that _far from the truth_?

"Sorry..." He clasped his hands together and placed them in his lap. He looked down, making sure he avoided my eyes.

"Lee," I said, "I'm not mad at you. Too new, too soon. That's all it is. Give it time--I really don't think I'll reject it then." What was I saying? There was no way to tell if that was truly, honestly going to happen. I couldn't predict the future and I certainly couldn't try to believe that we could actually be friends long enough to initially become lovers.

"Are you saying that for my sake?" he asked. "Or, do you really believe we could actually become more than just friends?"

That's another point for Lee. "I... I don't know," I admitted. "I just don't want to believe in something that could never actually happen. Is… that a bad thing to do?"

"Then say that," he said. "If you believe more of what you just said, instead of something you are trying to pass off something for my sake."

"That _almost _didn't make sense," I said. "You need help working out some of your sentences."

"I do not," he protested. "I can speak clearly."

"Okay," I said. "I believe you. Don't be so touchy all the time."

"I am not touchy," he insisted. "Though, your sense of humor is sometimes a little _too _serious and blunt for people to appreciate..."

"At least you laugh at them."

We sat in silence, me wrapped in a cocoon blanket and Lee fiddling with a strand of hair that wouldn't go down. It wasn't a totally uncomfortable silence, but a little more (or _something_...) would be nice. I thought about doing something to help liven the whole situation up, since I was still upset about my dog. But to Lee, it would be considered a very hypocritical thing to do. _What the hell? He won't complain anyway_. I let out a sigh before letting myself fall down to his side, setting my head on his shoulder. He tensed at first, being a bit taken back. He looked down at me, giving me a funny look as I let my eyes close.

"Panda, what are you doing?"

I didn't bother opening my eyes. I really didn't want to say anything. Mainly just because I knew that if I tried to protest anything, he'd come back with the retort of 'going too fast'. _Bite me_. It was also because his shoulder was rather comfortable. And he was ruining the peace and quiet that was supposed to follow after a rather intimate position by _talking_...

"Panda?"

"Lee, please shut up," I said as nicely as possible, slightly annoyed that he hadn't gotten the hint.

Immediately, he pursed his lips and, assuming he wasn't going anywhere for a while, decided to get comfortable as well. He brought his legs up and crossed them on the couch. He wasn't entirely sure what to do. Because when he wrapped his arm around my torso, it was very hesitant and slow. He thought I was going to pull away as soon as I'd felt his arm, but I hardly even moved. Instead, I just nuzzled even more into his embrace, practically sitting on his lap. _Was_, that is, until he hoisted me into his lap altogether. Which was fine by me, really. I wanted the comfort more than anything and I knew that if I asked, he would have given me what I wanted. "Thank you."

His response was to wrap his arms around me in a very comforting hug, as I pretty much just lay limp against him. This was very comforting and nice indeed. Very unaccustomed to, very bizarre to me, but nice because... it was just really nice to have someone comfort you when you needed it the most. That's all I can really say about it.

"Panda," he started, "can I ask you a question?"

I nodded, my face rubbing against his cotton and polyester green shirt. Was green his favorite color?

"You say you want to go slow, but yet whenever I give you any type of affection, you melt into nothing against me. Are you trying to keep yourself from something that could possibly work out?"

In truth, I didn't want to think. Much less talk. The things he mentioned and the question was something I thought about all the time. They're nothing new, nothing I wasn't aware of. I knew the answer to his question; it was just a matter of whether or not I was actually going to tell him. My past was my past--I shared it with nobody. All my life, I'd been feared, left to fend for myself, unwanted, and the pinnacle of many a gossip clique filled with rich, upper class-men boys; and popular, shallow girls. Girls would walk up to me to ask if I would ever 'kick it' with them, and boys would ask me what 'chicks' I'd 'tap'. The teenage slang was something I would never understand...

"I can't answer that question unless I want to go into depth about my past. My past is my past, and I don't want to tell you." The response was harsh, cold, and I hadn't meant for it to be. "... Sorry. I didn't mean for that to sound so cold. I just don't feel comfortable with telling people about my past."

He secured the slipping grasp he head on me and replaced his chin on my head. "It is fine. My childhood was not as great as it could have been either. You are not the only one who has suffered."

"We've both suffered. And yet you stay optimistic and cheerful. I, on the other hand, have grown to be withdrawn, cold, and terribly lonely."

"That is because everyone handles stress differently. While some people use their past as an excuse to close up, some may find it something to push through. Their past weakness gives them determination to try harder to prove themselves. And sometimes, it really pays off."

"Sometimes...?" That just made me nervous.

"Well, it depends on where you live. Some places are more accepting than others."

"Oh." I started to look at the stitch patterns on his shirt. Criss, cross, criss, cross every four, short, mini-strands of green fiber working their way into the creases I'd created; the ones that were born from his arms being folded around me; and the jagged, tiny hole nearby the bottom of his shirt that I noticed upon looking down.

"You know," he said after a while, "I have only been here twice now, but I noticed that we do not actually talk much about ourselves."

"..."

"Did I hit another nerve?" He shifted so that he could see me; I was blushing. "Apparently so. You seem to blush a lot. Why is that?"

"... You." I didn't feel like beating around the bush, or like being truly sentimental.

He smiled and ran his hand through my hair quickly, messing it up. "You really are like a panda. It is cute."

"... Oh. I don't know what to say."

"It is okay," he said. "Not everything calls for a verbal response."

"Like now?" _Was that a bad move, too_?

He just smiled softly, gave me a kiss on my forehead, and moved so that we could move back into our original position. He buried his face into my hair. I could feel his lips moving through my hair, whispering things to me, too soft too quiet to hear, but lullaby enough to pull me to sleep.

--Later--

When I awoke, I was no longer in Lee's embrace, but the pool that was my bed. The blanket had been pulled up to the start of my arms, and the lights were off. I looked over to my right to read the coldly displayed numbers on my digital alarm clock, wondering just how much I'd slept. It was three in the morning. When had I fallen asleep? I couldn't remember. When did Lee leave? I wondered that. Or... did Lee leave? I looked over to my other side, though I couldn't see. I extended my arm out to see if my hand should touch something other than my extra pillow or my bed sheets. Unfortunately, I felt nothing more. Frowning inwardly, I rolled onto to my right side and fell back asleep, wishing I hadn't woken up.

Waking up, I didn't feel like myself. Normally, I was an apathetic, closed-wall person. But instead, I felt like crap. I felt like I ruined it with Lee, but that wasn't the case at all. I'd fallen asleep in his lap, after all. That wasn't a goodbye, right? I'm tired of all these questions. If this is love, then I'm just not cut out for it. I crawled out of bed, regretting every motion required to do so.

My apartment suddenly felt extremely lonely. My plants were still giving me the cold shoulder, my dog was gone, and Lee was nowhere in sight. There was a distracting noise, though. W-was my toilet _supposed _to sound like it was being flushed!? I suddenly felt an array of negative emotions surge through me as I crept to the door. Should I just kick the door open? Or should I knock? I decided to knock.

Once... too quiet. Twice... the faucet was running. Three--

"Panda?"

It was Lee. _Wha_-? "Lee, what are you doing here?"

"I stayed over," he replied sheepishly, a blush crossing his face. "I did not sleep in your bed because... well, the reasons, I am sure, are pretty obvious."

"Right." I didn't feel angry anymore. Instead, I just felt like a jerk, strange as it was. Course, I was irritated that Lee had so much respect (...) for me that he didn't sleep in bed with me.

"Is something wrong?"

"Huh?" I blinked, then shook my head. "No, it's nothing."

"Oh... Panda, you need to start opening up. You cannot expect to go anywhere in a friendship if you do not open up."

_Point for Lee_. "I know..." I was well aware of this, but it wasn't typical for people to pest and poke at me until I cracked open. Annoying as it was for Lee to keep doing it, it felt nice at the same time to know that cared enough to try.

"So tell me," he prodded.

I sighed, though not out of annoyance. "I have no problem sharing my bed, Lee." Blunt, but true.

Lee seemed a bit taken back by this. He was wide-eyed, his neck was craned back, and he was likely surprised by the fact that I'd looked him right in the eyes as I said that to him.

"P-Panda?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sick?"

I was confused. "No, why do you say that?"

"Because what you have said does not sound very you."

"I'm told I need to open up and now you're telling me to stop?" This, I found, to be amusing. "You're very indecisive, Lee."

"Well…" He wasn't sure of what to say, and I concluded that I finally scored another brownie point. Must write this down…

"You remind me of a quote," I said randomly. (A moment of silence usually does me well to think.)

"Huh? And what is the quote?" He was curious to see the philosophical side of me.

"'Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself.'"

"What sort of quote is that?" He cocked his head to the side.

"What you remind me of," I state simply; though, the more I thought about it, the more it reminded me of _me_.

He pondered this for a moment, but he still wasn't sure where I was going with this. Which was nowhere, really. Random things like this weren't to go very far in my book. "Do you know anymore quotes?" I'd really caught his attention, and this made me chuckle.

"Not really," I admitted. "I don't delve too far into philosophy. It's never been my thing."

"Ah."

We stood in silence for a minute. It was a very awkward silence. We both contemplated on how to end it, but neither brain was well. My stomach growled and it dawned on me that I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. This sort of neglect usually doesn't do me well. Lee chuckled. I blushed. "I'm making breakfast," I said quickly, before he could make any offers. "You sit down."

"If that is what you want," he said with a smile.

I gave him a mock dirty look as he sat down, and then I went into the kitchen to find something to cook. I was opening everything, fumbling through the cupboards filled with various pots, but no saucepans! What the hell? I tripped over a wayward pot and nearly fell over, save for the table that prevented the floor-to-face collision. I growled in frustration as I kicked the stupid thing out of the way. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_. I finally found a saucepan (in the pantry of canned goods, no less), and smacked it on one of the burners and turned on the heat. I went into the refrigerator, pulled out my carton of eggs, an unopened package of sausages, and pulled from the freezer a box of pancakes. Then I realized something—if I were to do this, I would need to find another pan because I'd risk either the eggs or the sausages getting cold. _Damn!_ I grumbled to myself absently, not in the mood to play Hide-and-Seek with inanimate objects.

"Would you like to go out instead?" I asked.

"Sure," he said, looking back at me.

"I can't find anything I'm looking for," I said, fed up with looking.

"We need to find some clothes first," he pointed out. "I have not brought my own clothes on such short notice, and these are dirty from last night."

"Right…" I thought for a moment on what clothes of _mine _he could possibly wear, but the height difference that we had between us was a troubling one to simply shrug off. He was much taller than me, and therefore, my clothes would look more like tube tops and khakis on him. Like we really needed _that _walking around public. "Well, come with me," I said finally. "I'll search through some clothes in my room." I led him to my room and ransacked my dresser, throwing pants that were too long and shirts that were too big at him. He seemed to catch every one of them, as he made no noises of disappointment. I turned around to check on him, and there he was standing there with a giant pile of clothing. "Lee, go into my bathroom and try those on. Whatever fits, you can wear. I have a couple extra toothbrushes and deodorant sticks if you need them. Just don't use my comb—use the brush that my sister left her a while ago."

"What?" He didn't seem like _that _idea too much. It made me chuckle.

"Don't worry, I cleaned it out," I assured. "It's just the handle is a little worn from use. It's not that bad."

He seemed to relax his face a little as he walked towards the bathroom. I decided to plop onto my bed and think about the whole situation that had occurred the previous night. My dog had died—that was upsetting. Should I get another one? Maybe… But this time it won't be a dog. I couldn't handle another one getting struck. Maybe a bird; those could be cuddly if you handled them well. Then there was the league of kisses, being in Lee's lap, and the conversation we'd had about our lives. And then I thought about the saucepan situation. _Need to buy more when I go shopping_. This I found to be strange because, when I moved here, I had at _least _five or six pans of different sizes. Now all of a sudden I could only find _one _of them. Which is ridiculous.

Lee came back wearing my old, faded blue jeans with the rip on the left knee; and he wore a green shirt that said in faded lettering: 'NATURE'. I hadn't worn that shirt in two years—I'm surprised I hadn't thrown it away. "I am ready," he said gleefully.

I nodded and asked him where he would like to go for breakfast. He told me no place special, no place expensive; just some place that was nice, cheap, but had good food to eat. I didn't want to take him to some fast food joint because I knew for a fact about _what _was making those greasy foods. Couldn't feed Lee _that_. Besides, how awkward would it feel to walk into a fast food restaurant and have your co-workers (some have double jobs) say, 'Hey, Gaara! What's up?' while you're with your supposed 'boyfriend'; though technically, we're not dating. I thought about where to take him, the distance of each local restaurant, and the average cost of the items there.

No McyD's, no Big Boy's (the last time I went, the waiter took nearly an hour getting to my table), no Shoney's (they closed down), _no fast food places_ (so why was _McDonald's_ an option?), maybe… iHop? There was that, or Bob Evan's, or Ponderosa. Those weren't too bad, really.

"Panda?"

I looked up—Lee's head was cocked to the side. "There are a few places we could go. I'm _not _taking you to a fast food restaurant, and there are a couple of _actual _places that don't have take-outs that I won't go to. There's iHop, Bob Evan's, or Ponderosa. Which ever one you want to go to, and I don't care what you order."

"Okay," he said with a nod. "Which one to go to…"

"That's what I'm asking you," I said. "Don't ask me."

He shook a finger at me in mock disappointment. "Tsk, tsk, Panda. No need to get testy."

"I'm not," I said calmly.

"Hmm… is Ponderosa okay with you?" It was like he needed reassurance that it was okay to take him out to eat.

I nodded. "Yes, Lee, it's okay. I don't mind. I told you before: what ever restaurant you want to go to—so long as it _isn't _take-out—I'd take you out to eat."

"But… you only gave me three options," he protested.

I shook my head. "You're so difficult."

He didn't seem to like hearing this either. I smirked. "I'm just teasing, Lee. C'mon," I said with a wave of my hand, "I'll surprise you." I got up and Lee followed me out of my apartment, down the stairway of the apartment place, and into the parking lot, which led to my car. It's not flashy, it's not totally new, it's a little dirty, and there's a small crack in the window. But it works, it's a reliable car, and I can take it with me anywhere to get the job done.

"You drive?" he asked.

I looked at him as I pulled into reverse, stopping before I could manage to hit the break. "How else would I get to work? It's not exactly within comfortable _walking _distance…"

He blushed, feeling sort of stupid for asking such a question. He ran his hand through his hair as he laughed nervously, expecting some sort of curt retort for his behavior, though he received none. I just shook my head and concentrated on driving to the restaurant of choice for breakfast (though at this rate, possibly lunch).

We arrived at Ponderosa. I would, at most, only eat here about six times a year (which is a lot in my book), but I liked the place because the people were friendly, there was a decent selection of food, a buffet, and they even gave you a miniature cake if it was your birthday (thank you, Temari, for that wonderfully _embarrassing_ birthday).

Lee was rather content to come here, which was a good sign. He liked the place, too, and he had a regular meal here: the buffet. Of course. Lee's only complaint was that they didn't have curry, but I told him a lot of places don't cook that. He'd just have to make-do with what they already had. I wasn't going to drive all around town just to find some curry to satisfy him… As much as I wanted to.

We got in, found a table to sit at, and waited for someone to come up. We both decided on the buffet. Lee ordered a soft drink, I ordered coffee—it was _far _too early for something like that; I felt like I was still waking up.

"You can start any time," the young lady said with a smile.

I took a sip of my coffee whilst Lee looked at me with an adorable smile on his face. It made me blush. If I had eyebrows, they would be furrowed in confusion as I looked at him. "What are you looking at?" I asked him in a bland tone.

"You, of course," he said matter-of-factly. "What else would I be looking at?"

I craned my neck back. _What?_ "Did I just hear you right?"

He nodded. "Of course you did. Did I speak too softly for you to hear?"

I shook my head. "No, I heard you speak, I just wonder if I was just going mentally insane for a moment. Now, speak again, please?"

He sighed out of annoyance, though his smile was quickly regained. "_You_, Panda, _you_." He smiled at me and closed his eyes, exaggerating his happiness.

I wasn't entirely sure about how I should go about responding to this, so I thought about it. I ended up coming up with nothing for a response. I shook my head and asked him, "And how would you like me to respond to that?"

His smile faded, and I regretted saying that immediately. _But it's the truth! _I protested with myself. _But… does that mean something bad? Do people generally know what to say in these sorts of situations? Like if they loved each other, they'd know how to respond to the other's question…_

"Well, that depends on how you feel," he replied, though his smile was still gone. "If you feel strong emotions for one, then the way you respond will let them know. Though, knowing you, you have a difficult time expressing your emotions. And when you feel like you have to, you clam up and you push people away. So how you respond and react to the things I say let's me know where we stand as the relationship progresses."

"But how fast is too fast?"

"Well… that is a much more difficult question to answer," he said with a thought. "A couple's relationship may grow faster than another one, simply because of chemistry, time spent together, and the circumstances surrounding their lives. Often times, though, when you spend far too much time with someone, you start to really notice their quirks, and honestly, they become annoying."

"Which leads to fights?"

He nodded. "Not in every case, though. Just some. Too much time is not good for a healthy relationship, though spending a decent amount with another is bound for a healthy friendship, and a long one at that. Too little time, though, and the relationship deteriorates along with time."

"Right…" I thought about this. I was sick of this, really. This new thing was based entirely off of rash decisions, no thinking, and off-the-chart emotions. Nobody ever stopped to think about the pros and cons of a relationship until _after _it was set in stone. Stupid, really. I really wanted to make _sure _of the feelings that I had for Lee, but at the same time, I didn't want to sound like I was just giving off the wrong impression. That led to consequences that were hardly desirable. I'm not sure I was really ready to discuss my feelings towards Lee just yet, but… I wondered how _obvious _it must've seemed by how easily I could succumb to him.

"Um… not to break off this interesting conversation," he started, "but… can we eat now?" He blushed, feeling slightly selfish.

I smiled and nodded. "Sure."

We both got up and started making our plates, and all the while, I realized that were actually eating lunch instead of breakfast.

When we arrived back at my apartment, it was running on three in the afternoon. We'd stayed there for a relatively long time simply due to chatting amongst each other. Every three or four conversations, we'd go up and grab a small plate of goodies.

I wondered if Lee would like to go home now, as his car was parked outside in the parking lot. Of course, I wondered if maybe I could follow him to his dojo to visit his house, as he's been to mine a couple times now.

I took a spot on the corner of my couch while he decided to sit next to me, fiddling with his fingers idly, not really paying much attention. I wondered if this was awkward, this position we were in. I had to break the ice, obviously, because it didn't look like he was going to do it anytime soon.

"Lee," I said, turning my head to look at him. "If you want, you can go home."

He looked at me and smiled with closed eyes. "Well, I could do that. But… would it be all right if I stayed the night again?"

I smiled. I couldn't say no… could I? Possibly. But I really don't want to. "Sure," I said, feeling happier than I know I should. "But first, we need to get some clothes. You can't keep borrowing mine."

He nodded. "Right. Well," he said after a minute, "you could ride with me in my car to my dojo so you can see where I live and meet Gai—if he is not too busy training," he added with slight annoyance. "I will let him know what I am doing, I will pack, and we will be off!" His arm jolted out at an angle to show dramatization.

I stood up and he followed soon after and leaped to the door, nearly sliding onto his butt, and waited for me to approach him. He opened the door, grabbed my hand, and dragged me out to the parking lot, where he took me to his car.

His car wasn't flashy, but then, neither was mine. And, in truth, that was a huge relief on my part. I got into the passenger's side of the vehicle and turned to him, watching as he placed the key into the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. Taking me where? Honestly, that paranoia that was nagging at the back of my head was telling me that he was probably taking me someplace bad. But… my heart said otherwise.

He drove us somewhere far from the city, far from the busy fuss that looked more like ant colonies than anything else, to a small village full of people. But these people are different: They didn't have the same apathy and uncaring faces that the city folk had; they had the faces of people who knew each other for years and years. Childhood friends, close relatives, and nice even if they weren't entirely sure on who some people were. I could live in a place like this, if I chose to. But I couldn't give up the only job I had managed to get in the event that I couldn't get a job here. Although... being in a place like this, I'm sure people would hire you regardless. I shouldn't come to conclusions, though. It could very well be that these people don't like strangers coming into their tight-knit home, so I should just keep my mouth shut... Until, that is, Lee says something about the people here.

I looked at Lee, noting how _quiet _he'd become. He was brimming with youth, spirit, and life. Well, he had a smile on his face, but still... It was so weird to hear... nothing. He wasn't speaking, just paying attention to the road. Which was a good thing at least. "Lee?"

"Hm? What is it, Panda?" His eyes were still glued to the road, though he showed that he was interested in what I had to say, as usual. It made me feel valid, important.

"Are the people here... nice?" I felt like a child on the verge of his teenage years moving to a different school filled with new faces. Surely, I must've sounded that way.

"Of course, Panda," he replied with ease. "The people here are very respectable and friendly here. It is a small place, but that does not mean that it fits the stereotype of being 'closed' to other people. They are actually quite happy whenever someone new moves here, but they refuse to move out to the city. They do not like the fast pace all the people in cities put on themselves for no reason. Intentional stress, really." He stopped at a stop sign and decided to steal a kiss. I went wide-eyed, still feeling the collision of his lips against mine as he drove forward, taking a right turn, and then pulling into a medium-sized parking lot. "We are here," he said. He opened his door and I did so as well. He led me up to a traditional Japanese home, only a couple times bigger, most likely because of the dojo. Lee led me through the sliding door and we were greeted with a class of people with, apparently, Gai-Sensei. Lee bowed respectively to his sensei before opening a door, which led to the back.

"This is our home," he said happily.

I looked around. It was nicer looking than my apartment, and frankly, much more homey than mine. It was traditional inside and out, but it was nice. It had that 'curl up on the sofa in front of the fire while watching TV with your lover' feel. I let a warm smile slip across my face as he led me back to his bedroom. Which, by the way, is still nicer than my own. Everything was neatly put away, but it didn't have that 'nerd' feel to it. "I like it here," I said quietly.

He smiled. "Would you rather stay here instead of the opposite?"

I shook my head sorrowfully. "No. The whole point of the trip was for you to get your clothes and head back to my place. If we were to change our plans, then that would mean wasting more gas money so that I could get my stuff and come back here. Maybe next time."

He nodded. "I was sure you would not have agreed. And I am right. Well," he said a couple seconds later, "I shall pack and will head out." He began scrambling through his wardrobe for clothes and any accessories or necessities he felt he would need whilst accompanying me at my lonely apartment. Once he was finished, he threw the bag around his shoulder and grabbed my hand to lead me out a different doorway, but still leading us to his car. He threw his bag into the backseat as we both entered the vehicle, preparing to head back.

The trip back was just as quiet as the trip to.

--Home--

He followed me up the stairs of the apartment house to my little apartment and asked where he should set his stuff down. I told him either in the spare bedroom, if he wished to stay there, or in my bedroom. Either way, it'd be better than setting it out in the living room for somebody (like me) to trip over. We took a seat on my couch, which we seemed to be doing a lot recently whenever coming over to my apartment. I was curious to know if we should try to learn more about each other, but the question of _what _exactly, should I ask to learn about? Maybe I should ask about his childhood friends? Maybe I should try for his parents? Maybe I should try for something like his years in high school? Maybe I should ask him about his prom date and why it never worked out? I wasn't sure.

"Lee...?"

He looked at me. "What is it, Panda?"

"I'm still not entirely sure what exactly we can do together," I said slowly, almost hesitantly.

"Oh," he said thoughtfully. "Well, what is it you have in _mind _to do?"

I winced as he said that. I thought he was _aware _that I didn't _know _what to do. I admitted that to him, and yet... he was questioning me. That didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, honestly. Wasn't he listening to a word I had said to him? "What?"

He smiled, almost failing to notice my wince. "You heard me," he said matter-of-factly. "I asked you what was on your mind?"

"Nothing," I said. "I said I didn't know what we could do together, and I meant it."

"Oh..." He looked away for a brief moment, then his head jolted up to face something--probably the wall--and he looked at me. "Panda, I know this is soon, but would you like to get you a new pet?"

_A new pet_? I'd lost my dog yesterday, was I ready for a new one? "Like what?"

He chuckled. "Well, maybe we should avoid getting a dog. I am not sure you would get away with getting another dog into this place. Maybe we should try for a cat or a bird?"

"I've never had a good relationship with cats, so a bird, I guess," I said, a little unsure.

"Okay," he said, then stopped himself from getting off the couch. "But birds are a little tricky to take care of. First off, when the season is winter, keep them away from windows: they can easily catch colds. Make sure to change the bottom of their cage frequently: they are prone to get sick that way. Also, make sure they have clean water and fresh food: these are important to make sure the bird does not go hungry, and to prevent sickness; as birds like to take baths in their water dish."

I nodded, taking in all the information, almost considering taking notes on this just in case I were to forget to follow one of these guidelines.

He took me by the hand and dragged me out of the apartment house.

--Pet Shop--

Funny enough, he took me the same pet store I had gone to when I got Cookie. He took me to the back of the store where the birds are, and started pointing out the different types. Which type, he said, was entirely up to me. For some reason, I was looking at a yellow-ish cockatiel. They weren't terribly small birds, but they weren't huge, either. Surely not as intimidating as a cockatoo or parrot. I tell him the one I want and he immediately finds an employee to take the bird.

Now, I need a big cage, some dishes, food, and some newspaper.

When we get everything we need, Lee helps carry some of the items I needed to buy into his car and we head back to my apartment. Luckily, it wasn't that cold out, so the least of our problems was my new bird catching a cold and dying on me before I even got him home. He helped me get everything up into the apartment and we decided that we could place the cage on top of my dresser. That seemed to be the best and the most stable place to put him. I filled up the food and water dishes and placed fresh newspaper in the bottom tray and put up his toys, not really sure if he would like any of them. The mirror or the bell, perhaps? I'm not sure. Hopefully he likes at least _one _of them.

Now... once again, I was faced with the decision of what to name my pet. Well, hopefully this one won't die before he's expected to.

* * *

Okay... here's where I sort of need help. What should I name his bird?


	7. What

**Rating: **T; Mild language, violence.

**Pairing: **Possible LeeXGaara

**Disclaimer: **Any Naruto-related and non-related Naruto characters do not belong to me. The only characters that belong to me are my one-time appearance original characters (not a fan of using things like "OC" or "OOC" not even sure what that one means). I don't think Brian is going to make another appearance, and his fiancée will never make her own debut in this. Though, Shikamaru, Chouji, Shino, Kiba might. Possibly Ino, Sakura, or Hinata. Not sure... Temari and Kankuro (blecch, my spelling is horrible today) have been mentioned. Still not sure if their appearances will actually exist or not. Or be relevant and important for that matter.

**Warnings:** Language, Violence, Angst.

**Author's Notes: **I almost thought about apologizing for the lack of updating, but in truth, I feel like I owe no person a single thing other than my existence. As long as I show up, do my work, and do it to where everybody is happy, then why should I allow them to expect any more from me? At any rate... I've been busy doing other things than writing this story, but know that I _have _been thinking about some things I could further put into the story. I realize that the rate it's going at is slow, but frankly, I'd rather not make this anything short of a sex story. There is going to be a plot to it--believe me. I'm just not sure if I should give Gaara his happy ending.

* * *

**And if You're Gone, What Else is left for me?**

* * *

I looked at the yellow bird, walking in his cage, moving back and forth on his perch. He seemed interested in his new house, very much enjoying the comfort of having his own initial home. Having shared a house with other cockatiels, I was sure he was happy to have his own. He climbed horizontally through his cage until he reached the doorway, which had been opened, and stayed right in the center of the doorway, leaning his head forward and looking at me with curiosity. He tilted his head upward to look at my face and slowly began puffing up his feathers until he looked like he was pregnant. He moved his head to his left, curious to find out what was beyond his cozy home. He climbed to the outside of his home and let himself slide down until he was on the solid wood of my dresser. He walked around on my dresser, poking and prodding with his beak the objects of menial importance that I'd carelessly placed atop it. Call me girly all you like, but yes; I do keep a mirror in my bedroom. It saves me trips to the bathroom.

I heard the toilet flush and the door opened several seconds later. Apparently, in my consumed curiosity and clueless ness of what to name this creature, it had caused me to block out the memory of Lee walking to the bathroom. I hadn't even heard the door shut. He came into my room and watched the bird with curiosity.

"What should we name him?" he asked, with his typical enthusiasm.

"I don't know," I said, in my usual tone. "I'm still thinking about it."

"Hmm… perhaps we could call him…" He took a dramatic pause by placing his hands on his hips and taking a heroic stance, staring up at what would be the stars, letting his face hit the light and continued: "Lee!"

I face-faulted and punched the back of his head. His stars fell downward and so did he. He jolted back up rubbed the back of his head, wincing at the sore flesh. "Why did you do that? You have shattered my youthful moment…"

"Lee, you shouldn't be so vain," I scolded.

"I was only kidding," he said, still rubbing the sore spot. After a moment of silence, he spoke again. "Do you have a name for him yet?"

I thought about it. In truth, I had a couple of names I could give this bird, but I was conflicted between which one to give. Both names were desirable for me, but whether or not the bird would like them is an entirely different story. "Toren or Seisi."

"Huh?" Lee looked at me with confusion.

"Toren or Seisi. Those are the two names I'm thinking about."

He nodded his head once slowly and mouthed, 'Oh', before looking back at the bird. He brought his hand back up to his chin, as if to further contemplate the names I had chosen to give this bird, as well as anything else he could possibly think of to do. I had no idea if he were thinking up another name, but I was sure that it would have something to do with either youth, or something to deal with the spirit of youth. He looked at me. "You know those are names of lotus flowers, correct?"

I nodded. "Yes, that I am. I read it in a book a while ago."

"You read a book about flowers?" He cocked his head in shock and amusement.

"I was curious," I replied flatly and curtly. "Those were the names that stuck out to me and I liked them, but I figured that since I was never to have children due to my sexuality, I had no clue as to _where _the names would serve a purpose in my life."

'Ah', he mouthed. "Well, I do believe those are good names, if I do say so myself." He stuck his thumb up to further emphasis his approval. "But you can only choose one, you know that right?"

"So I'm also aware." I folded my arms, closing my eyes before opening them. "Lee, I'm not that stupid. Just because I feel I am interested in more than one name doesn't mean that I'm going to give him _two _names."

"I am sorry…"

"It's all right, Lee."

There was a brief awkward silence that followed the situation, but I quickly disposed of it. "At any rate…"

He looked at me.

I looked at the bird. "Toren."

"Huh?"

"That's the name I want to give him."

Toren turned his head to the side, looking at me with curiosity. He puffed his feathers up and shook his head rapidly, as if to shake himself off. He took off into a quick flight and landed on my shoulder. I turned my head to look at him, looking as he craned his neck back to look at me with a look of disbelief. Or what I perceived to be disbelief. A bird's emotions aren't something I can easily comprehend…

"Toren," I said, looking at him. He cocked his head to the side and chirped. That, I took, was that he liked the name I had given him. I smiled. That was a relief. I really didn't want to go through a mess of trying to figure out what names I could possibly give this creature. Lee also looked at Toren with a smile, sticking his face near the birds' face, also terribly close to me. I wondered if, for a moment, he would kiss me again. Not that I wouldn't mind. … Would I? I'm not sure… Possibly. I'll just push that thought out of my mind and pretend that nothing was thought.

I stuck my finger up near Toren's feet and waited for him to get on so I could take him back to his home. I thought about putting his door up, just in case his adventurous side took hold of him again and he wound up someplace too hidden for me to find and end up finding him when he's dead… That would be unfortunate and I would probably stab Lee for convincing me to get another pet. Although… for some reason, I had the urge to go take a walk. I turned to him. "Lee?"

"Hm? What is it, Panda?"

"Do you want to go take a walk with me?"

He smiled. "Of course."

He followed me out the door.

* * *

The walk was pleasant as the sun was standing out valiantly. There were birds chirping and flying freely through the air, gliding through with ease to the nests that were home to their nests. Children were playing with each other, enjoying each other's company, playing games like Tag or some sort of game I've never played myself. And many couples were enjoying each other's company as well, walking hand-in-hand, or walking with their arms around each other. Bah. Couples and children and birds can go screw themselves. The goodness and beauty of the day was enough to depress the local Goths of the school, yet strangely enough, there was a cluster of them standing on the corner of a sidewalk, waiting to cross to the other side of the street. What was on the other side, I noted, was a place titled, Rave. Whatever makes the whore moan, I suppose.

We continued walking forward, occasionally discussing menial topics and, there were the rarities of stolen glances and touches. But really, we just walked in silence, save for the passerby cars, people walking in opposite directions, birds chirping, and dogs barking. A stray kitten was walking by, and I felt compelled to pick it up to take it home, but I figured that maybe if I were to take it to the local adoption center, they could better care for it and it would find a home. But when I reached down to pick it up, it ran off, nearly getting hit by a car, but eventually, it was caught by a little girl who begged her daddy to keep it. He said yes.

We stopped at the end of the sidewalk as the lights turned green and the red hand sign went up, signaling us to stop and wait. Lee and I looked around out of habit to make sure there were no cars coming—apparently, Lee liked to steal runs to the other side. I took hold of his wrist before he could go, and told him to wait for the light to turn red so that we could cross. So he did.

The light turned red. There were no cars, and I decided to take off ahead, wondering in the back of my mind where the sudden burst of life came through. All I could hear was Lee screaming my name and the swerving of a car. I saw the world spinning in front of me, but I couldn't feel what was going on with my body. Was I spinning? Apparently I was, because when I stopped, I was on my side and I felt like something had just stabbed me in the side. My neck hurt from the sudden twirl-around I did, and my side I had no doubts was going to be terribly sore. What the hell just happened?

Slowly, I got up, although my legs felt like they were made of jello. I could instantly feel the sharp pain in my sides as I got up. I turned to look and the first thing I saw was the smashed remnants of a car that had swerved into a cement fence, blocking off the yard of a local funeral home. _Where is Lee_? I walked forward, though with difficulty, as I went on my short-lived search of Lee. Lee was on the ground; his clothes tattered to shreds, though still clinging to his body. He himself was covered in cuts and blood, and his eyes weren't open.

_Lee_?


	8. Love

**Rating: **M

**Pairing: **Possible LeeXGaara

**Disclaimer: **They're not mine, unfortunately, but I guess I have to make-do with what I can do legally. If I could publish this and make a profit off of it, that'd be great. But I won't.

**Warning: **Angst, depression, language, characters might be out of personality, sarcasm, self-induced insanity.

**Author's Notes: **Updates aren't frequent, I know, but at least I'm still working on it. I'm thinking of _not _being so angsty and letting Lee live through this, as I figured the only way I could continue on with this story is make him live. If I ended the story, Gaara would commit suicide and everything he owned would be burned or given away to charity or given to a Good Will. His bird would go to another home where he would remain there for the rest of his life. Frankly, my goal is not to have less than ten chapters. Hopefully it'll work out considering it's based on a realistic lifestyle, as opposed to living as a ninja and being Kazekage.

* * *

**So Maybe There's Something Out There Called a Sanctuary.**

* * *

I have found that I rather disliked hospitals, having not stepped into one since I could remember, if ever at all. There were so many things about a hospital that just rubbed me the wrong way, so I found myself a little on edge sitting in that lounge chair in the waiting room. I was waiting rather impatiently for the doctor to come out and tell me the bad news, but I wanted to think positively, if only for Lee's sake. I wanted to believe that he was going to be okay, regardless of whether or not he's going to die or live. I really want him to live, but from the way he looked at the collision site, it wasn't believable that he would push through this and be all right. I let out a sigh of anticipation and looked at the room he was in, white doors that have remained closed for the past hour and a half. I found I couldn't sit anymore, so I got up and started pacing back and forth in a short, brisk line, staring at my feet as they quickly appeared and disappeared beneath me.

_Lee, what have you done? _

I myself was all right. The doctors had already examined me, gave me treatment for the scrapes, told me to lay off work for my bruised rips, and gave me a lollipop and called me good. I'd scraped my elbows, so the skin had been ripped, though more on my left one than my right. On my forehead (I'm not even sure how I got this one), there's a cut that's big enough to be bandaged, and almost given stitches. There's nothing too serious on my torso other than my bruised ribs. My wrist had a small cut on the back of it (where the veins aren't), and there were small, scattered cuts on both my arms. It turns out I must've hit my head as well, because it's wrapped up and it might explain the pounding headache I have. However, thanks to Lee, no severe or permanent damage was left behind on me.

But as for him…

His body was a tangled mess. He was covered in severe and minor gashes, many of which required and got stitches. There was a large gash disfiguring his face, going at an angle up his cheek; he had a black eye that looked more like a clash of extreme usage of black eyeliner and purple eye shadow; and his nose had a cut going across it horizontally. His neck had a few cuts to the side, but thankfully, they were nothing serious. He broke his left arm and wrist, so he would be more crippled than I, and his finger was cut open on the tip. Aside from his ankle being bruised, his legs were all right. It was mainly his torso and head that had been attacked. But, because of the hard collision, he was unconscious, and the doctors believed him to be in a coma.

I took a seat on the chair that was next to his bed, realizing that I was filling up with cold and negative emotions upon seeing him like this: weak, unconscious, frail. All those wires and tubes connected to him, I wondered if this were more a truly hopeless situation? Hesitantly, I brought my hand up to gently the touch the side of his face that wasn't damaged, save for a small, brown bruise that had formed just above the bone of his cheek. I let my fingers fall down his face until they stopped at his chin. He made no physical response by moving his fingers, or by moving his head towards me, but a machine started beeping, and I found it was the one monitoring his heart. It was beating a little faster, and I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief to know that he could tell that I was here. I was feeling horrible guilt from this, knowing that _I _should've been the one to suffer this damage, but instead, Lee had to be selfless and save me. He should be damned for that but frankly; I couldn't find it in me to relinquish these emotions. I merely suppressed them for the sidelines. I felt the strangest urge to lie my head against his shoulder, simply because I felt like a wife visiting her husband. Irritating.

"Lee," I whispered. It was like I was talking to someone who was sleeping, only it was a person in a hospital. "Lee…"

He made no response to me verbally, but I noticed his head moved just a little bit. I wonder if Gai was notified about this? _Most likely_, I reasoned. I was feeling more and more depressed as I continued to see him like this. It wasn't fair that such an energetic and lively person had to be put through this sort of strain. I didn't flinch when the door burst open and Gai came into the room. He walked slowly, his feet probably feeling more like wrecking balls than actual feet, as he was hesitant to see his student, and pretty much son, lying in this sort of condition.

"Lee!" he sobbed. "Lee! Are you all right? Speak to me!"

Silence. This heartfelt moment made me feel irrelevant. I felt like I didn't belong here at this given point and time. Lee's relationship with Gai was probably much more powerful than the one he was developing with me; and, as much as I really didn't want to leave, I got up to give them their time. As much as I didn't want to leave, I knew my limits. I needed air, something to drink, and something to eat. I'd been sitting here since we'd gotten here, and I knew that eventually, a doctor would come in and say something to me about getting some fresh air. Bah to the doctors. I think they make situations worse instead of better. Quietly, I got up to allow Gai his time with Lee and took a walk outside.

--

Some time passed again before I saw Gai walking out of the hospital. He didn't look very happy, much less youthful, but that was to be expected after seeing his 'son' in the hospital in critical condition. I had to admit, there was a pang at my heart as well. I figured that, since was leaving, I could go back in to see Lee, but there was a nurse in front of the door. She turned to him, wearing her white nurse's outfit. Blouse buttoned to the left, and a white skirt that looked rather tight, going down to her knees. She had stockings on that went down to her feet, where you see her black high heel shoes. Wasn't she a tad too _sexual _for this job considering whose door she was in front of?

"I'm sorry," she said with a shake of her head, her tight bun and blonde hair bobbing, her bangs moving in the direction her head was going. Tall, blonde, skinny, and slightly arrogant she was. Her voice had a silky, seductive darkness that made me roll my eyes inwardly. "But you can't see him at this time. Doctor Buford is going to come in and examine him. Try tomorrow and see if he looks any different to you." With that, she she clutched her clipboard up to her chest and gave me a smile/smirk with wide, blue eyes and walked away, her heels smacking against the white, tiled floor. Her hips were swaying as she walked, causing fellow male employees to stop their work and turn their heads to watch her leave.

_I hate to see you leave, but I love to watch you go_. "Hn." _Slut._ I considered just going into the room despite the nurse's orders, but I wasn't sure I wanted to see Lee like that again. Maybe tomorrow he would be better, right? I wasn't so sure. It made me wonder if Gai was going to continue working at the dojo or close down until Lee came out of the hospital and was well again. But all things aside, I figured the best thing was to go home and try to shrug this thing off to the back of my mind by playing with Toren.

--

Arriving home, the room suddenly felt much larger than I'd remembered it to be. It used to feel more cluttered because of Lee's company, but now... It just felt lonely and uninviting. I flicked the light on that was near my door to turn on living room lights and fell forward onto my couch, my knees hitting the armrest roughly, though I paid no real attention to the pain. My face was buried in the crack between two of the cushions, and I really wanted to bury my face further into it. I figured in the current situation that things weren't going very well, I would bring in my imaginative and creative side. Which was probably a horrible mistake considering I had no real imagination. I started to think that, if I should bury my face further into the couch, would the couch suck me in and bring me to another world, a fantasy world where cats had beaks and dogs had snakes for legs? Would I have hamster paws and a dinosaur head? Maybe my bird would have a lizard tail instead of a feathered tail and his beak would be a wolf's mouth instead. Maybe that stupid nurse would have a spider's head and acid piss. Ha ha. She wouldn't have men turning heads because of her blatant sexuality then. All right, I think this is bordering insanity.

With a sigh, I lifted my head away from the couch, digging my chin into the cushion. My eyes went half-closed as I stared off into a vacant oblivion. My mind was blank and my heart beat softly, moving me very faintly with every beat. I remained still, for god only knows the reason why, and pretended I was dying. I let my lips part slightly, as if though I were trying to get at least one breath in before my final time. I let my head fall to the side slowly, it falling against the cool couch. My eyes were still half open, but I faked the dimming light in them as they closed. I stayed like that for a moment until my mouth started filling up with saliva and I started drooling on my couch. I got up and wiped my face off and decided that I couldn't do this anymore.

I went into my bedroom where Toren was sleeping soundly with his head in between his feathers, fluffed up and looking extremely fat. I opened up the cage door and he woke up, turning around to face me. He chirped and got on my finger when I placed it just under his stomach. I brought him nearby my face and looked at him as he started to randomly bob his head up and down, almost like he were dancing to a rhythm. Which, I really didn't have any music on in the first place. What did birds like? They liked compliments, but... It was one thing for a guy to give his boyfriend compliments just like any heterosexual couple would, but this was a man and a _bird_. It was sort of awkward, really. I brought my nose up to his beak and tapped it lightly, to see if he would try to bite me, but instead he simply kissed my nose. _Cute._ It was. When pets show affection, it's rather adorable. The same with little kids because we see them as being naive compared to us as adults.

I snorted when I realized I'd have to go to work tomorrow. That was just great. Sarcastically speaking, of course. I wasn't at all looking forward to going to work, but it was necessary because I needed to make money and I would have to pay the rent sooner or later before I was kicked out of the house. _Right_... I really didn't want to lose my job. Nothing better than living on the streets with no food, no water, no clothes, no shelter, bitter cold winters, and a bird that would probably either go to another home, or simply die from the lack of things. Money, unfortunately, makes this world go round and round, so whatever. I thought that, with the whole situation that's been going on, if I should get some sleep. I could go visit Lee tomorrow, I had to reason that with myself.

With a heavy sigh, I put Toren back into his cage and closed the door. I took a large towel that I'd dropped (I forget what I used it for, but I was feeling rather lazy at the moment), and placed it atop of Toren's cage as a cover-up to let him know that it was time for bed. I didn't even want to change out of my clothes, even though I knew there was blood and dirt caked onto them, not to mention slightly ripped from the incident. I was just so tired and sore from everything, and mentally, I was feeling rather gone. I turned off the lamp light with flick of my wrist and curled up on a ball on my side on my bed, wishing that Lee wasn't in the hospital and that he was here with me.

--

The morning sunlight was merciless as it struck me in the face like fire on a log. I groaned softly and slowly lifted myself up. I ran a hand through my hair, feeling just how incredibly _gross _it felt from yesterday's stress. I probably smelled horrible and I really needed to take a shower and I needed to brush my teeth and I needed to get dressed to see Lee. I wanted to know how he was doing. I wanted to see if he'd opened his eyes yet, I just _had to make sure he was okay_. I don't know what I would do if Lee was gone, being rather honest with myself. I hadn't realized just how much he'd meant to me in this time that we'd known each other. Realistically speaking, I'd known him for about a month. Which was better than two days and three nights if you ask me. I don't 'bang' (teenage slang is such a nuisance) on the third night. Still, a month was rather reasonable, wasn't it? To realize emotions that you'd never realized before? For some reason, it didn't strike me as something that was weird, bizarre, or even unexplainable to the point of sheer disgust. It wasn't like we were whores desperate for an excuse to have simple 'fucks' every now and then. But at the same time, who really uses excuses nowadays to have sex with one another? However, I wasn't like them, so a reason--and a legitimate one at that--was vital for me in a relationship.

Tossing the blankets aside, I did everything I needed to do. I had myself a bowl of Captain Crunch and quickly threw those in the sink, considering I could wash those when I got home later on tonight. I figured I should give Toren some fresh water, so I made sure to do that as quickly as possible before running out of my apartment and nearly hitting my face on the main door of the apartment house and running to my car, hitting my head on the top of the doorway before slamming the door and driving off to the hospital.

_I had to make sure Lee was okay_.

--

I arrived at the hospital and ran up to Lee's room, completely forgetting that there were elevators. I just had too much anxiety and energy to take those things. Part of the reason why people were gaining weight. (I save the word "fat" for Chouji's sake, despite the fact that nobody in my school liked me.) I burst through the door to Lee's room and saw that his eyes were open. I couldn't help but let out an extremely large sigh of relief.

He gave me a weak smile and tried to sit up straight, but I ran over to him and restrained him. I thought it were better for him to rest considering his condition.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, nervous of what he might say to me.

"I am... feeling much better," he responded softly. He turned to look at me and asked, "How are you feeling, Panda?"

"Fine." _Why are you worrying about me, you idiot_?

"That is good."

He was staring off, but he wasn't staring off into a tranquil and peaceful place. Which was good, honestly. I'd rather he _wasn't _looking so peaceful and serene in the first place. Hesitantly, I reached a hand up to bring it through his hair. He seemed to enjoy this and closed his eyes, which caused me to stop. He peeked open and eye and looked at me with a frown.

"Panda?"

I took that as a hint and continued. It felt nice to know that I could be there for him when he'd always been there for me. Taking my lip between my teeth, I brought my face forward and kissed his cheek. I think I realized that I was in _love _with Lee. Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy...


	9. Panda

**Rating: **T.

**Pairing: **LeexGaara

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Lee or Gaara.

**Warnings: **Gag romance, fluff, language, insanity, negative reference to sexual activity.

**Author's Notes: **My updates are fairly scattered, but I do my best. I've been waiting until I get a certain amount of reviews before I continue, anyway. One review isn't exactly the greatest amount of motivation to keep me going at it. I'm a Sagittarius, damn it--I get bored easily with things... (Course, whether or not that is a really valid excuse is up to you, I suppose.) And before you get confused, both things going on with Gaara are in italics, but when a new paragraph is started, it's because the other is talking. I won't put a new paragraph on when one is still talking. So the first one to talk is Gaara's heart, and the second paragraph is his mind, and so forth. It's a pattern.

* * *

**You're My Knight and Shining Armor in a Panda Bear Suit.**

* * *

There. I'd just admitted to myself that I had fallen in love with another person, and a person I'd known for nearly a month now. Was that really possible, or was I just desperate for affection? I prayed it wasn't that; I shall admit that I do have guilty feelings towards others, despite how people had no sympathy for me in the slightest. However, I couldn't help but realize that it must've been true because my heart was beating at an alarming rate and I could feel blood rush up to my face at a mach speed of about four or five. Was it possible for one's face to explode from an extreme form of blushing? Because I felt as if though my face was to explode at any minute. I looked down at him, my eyes locked onto his as he looked back at me, but through half-closed and weary eyes. This was, undoubtedly, something stressful and straining on his body considering the wounds he'd suffered from the collision of the car; but he was such a strong-willed and determined individual, that he was _going _to look me in the eye--_going _to stay awake to reassure me of his being okay. I tilted my head to the left slightly as I looked at him, wondering what I should say or do to him to keep this inward moment going on. But I questioned whether or not he'd the same feelings for me at this point in time. True, yes; a while ago, we had discussed our emotions towards each other--he being more open with them than I--, and he had expressed how he felt a more romantic devotion to me than that of a friendly devotion. I myself was far too nervous and scared to admit that I was instantly captivated by him from the very moment I'd seen him; and despite how oblivious I'd made myself seem, I knew that I'd hurt his feelings from denying him that sort of excess to my damaged heart. He was far too compassionate and open-hearted to keep them hidden like I was, and for that, I felt remorse for hiding my feelings from him when he was so willing to allow me into his. And to top it all off, I'd kissed his cheek. I wound up pulling back with a terrible blush on my face, feeling embarrassed and nervous and scared and timid and shy and excited all at the same time.

"Panda?" he said finally.

I was pulled out of my thoughts almost as soon as I'd heard him inhale to say my name. I looked at him, no longer was my face filled with a vacant and bland expression, but one of worry, curiosity, and utter devotion to someone I was willing to surrender myself to in the event that he'd expressed verbally his want for me. I was hoping that he was in belief that he wasn't going to make it through this ordeal, but there was that underlying fear that he could possibly not make it through. My heart was still beating fast, more so now out of fear for what Lee was going to say to me, opposed to the fact that I was admitting to myself the feelings I had for him. "Yes?" I spoke, though at a whisper, fearful of his response.

"Why did you kiss me?"

My heart dropped at that moment. Was he asking me because he had no longer had that desire to love me in such a way that I was taken back? I could feel myself sinking into an abyss of dark, black, and depression rapidly, scarce struggling to latch onto a ridge in the wall, realizing simply how pathetic I was right at this current state. I, Gaara, had been officially turned into a giant, cuddly, and pathetic blob of emotions. That was not who I was. I was aloof to society, cold, distant, and indifferent to the events going on around me. This man was turning me into the one thing I was trying to avoid being and yet surprisingly, I was actually anticipating the feelings and really looking forward to the future expressions of feelings, physical and emotional. I started fiddling with my thumbs, twirling them around one way and then reverting to the other way. I was nervous, not really sure as to how I should respond to his question. Should I lie and say, "Because I care about you like a brother would?" Or do I tell the truth and say, "Because I love you and I want to spend more time with you?" I didn't know the answer to my own question, but perhaps I should think more rationally about this. What does my mind tell me and what does my heart tell me? Well, my mind is telling me to avoid saying anything that might jeopardize my emotions and well-being because he could be fooling around with me.

_Stop feeding him such nonsense_. My heart was speaking, debating with my mind, arguing about its stupidity. _Logical as you may be, there is no way that this other person would go through so much simply to fool and fiddle with his emotions. Why would he go through so much? I do not see or do I care to understand how a person would go to such great lengths, especially considering how he endangered himself to save us. Would a player do that for someone who was about to die? I question that and invariably, I don't see it. A pimp doesn't care about his bitch unless she pleases. _

_Oh? How interesting that you would resort to such blatant expressions to fully exaggerate your desires and implied reasonings. I would've thought you to find something more subtle expressions to express your purpose. Odd, considering you are such a _loving _and _romantic _existence within someone so cold and mentally lifeless. _

_For someone such as you to be intellectual on the human existence, you've merely restated what I have discussed in a less-than summary. You can find nothing that would fight back against me? How pathetic. And on top of this, you even have the arrogance to mock me._

I shook my head, shaking off the argument before I went insane. I knew what I wanted, because it was so clear to me that I wanted what was lying on the hospital bed right in front of me. I looked at him once again, my emotions mainly between fear and love. I was in love with Lee, as I was so easily to admit that to myself in my mind, but now I would be forced into admitting this verbally with him, and that was what scared me. But, I didn't want to lie to Lee about my feelings because I felt liars never really prospered from anything without getting a bite in the ass at the end. "Lee, I... I think I... I..."

"What is it, Panda?" He lifted his head up slightly, starting to lean on his lower arms as he propelled his torso up using his upper arm strength, which I really didn't think he'd had considering how _damaged _he was from it all.

"L-Lee, please lie back down," I said, tripping over my words, scared that this boast of effort would do something negative to his well-being.

"Panda," he said, "I am feeling all right. Please do not worry so much about me. The pain is far from overbearing; it is nothing I cannot live through." He gave me a smile that I had to admit was very reassuring, so I smiled back. "Now, please tell me what you want to say. You kissed my cheek and for that, I am curious. Do not leave me hanging now." He gave a slight chuckle and his sense of humor seemed so required during this moment. It felt all right to me as my face went flush red again.

I looked down, looking as I fiddled my thumbs around. I looked back up at him and very softly said, "Lee... I think I love you." I couldn't find myself to look back up at him as I let my gaze fall upon saying those words. I couldn't bear to look up at his scorning and bitter expression that would be planted on his face to which I adorned so much. I couldn't help the thing I was becoming. I was opening up to him, and I felt very, very vulnerable knowing that I had just placed my heart in his hands. And here I sat, waiting for him to do something with it. Would he give it back? Would he accept it? Or would he throw it on the ground and stomp on it until there was nothing but splattered and shattered pieces and I would be left to fade away mentally? I pray that if he should reject me, he does it subtly; I could not deal with the harsh bluntness that would be his truth, should he express it, or express it at all. I jolted back a centimeter or two went I felt a warm hand wrap itself naturally around the back of my own, which I had placed on my thigh somewhere along the line, but could not remember for the life of me. Naturally, I mean, is that when one sets their hand into or onto the hand of another, their fingers curl around the shape of the others'. I looked at his hand, finding myself to be rather enraptured by the warmth of his hand, and, more out of instinct than desire, I took my other hand and placed it atop of his hand, wrapping my fingers around the side of his hand, loving the feeling of such an intimate gesture. Slowly, I raised my head up to see his face, wondering what his expression would be. I looked up to find a warming smile and eyes of incredible softness as he looked at me. My eyes went wide at this type of expression, barely able to comprehend it and having to bite my tongue to prevent myself from asking any questions of childish stupidity.

Gently, he removed his hand from between my two hands and I couldn't help but feel slightly disheartened. But I felt that hand at the back of my hand, coiling its fingers in my hair softly, pulling me forward, closer to his face. I could feel his lips softly touching against mine for a brief moment before pulled away and began rubbing his face against my own. The feeling of his soft skin against my own felt immensely pleasing in a chaste sort of way. It was nice to receive this sort of affection from someone after not having it for so long--I couldn't pull away no matter what I thought I should be doing. _Fuck my mind_, I thought with finality. The feeling of skin rubbing against soft skin was far too good a feeling to deny. I let myself have it and submitted to him, feeling a sense of happiness. Finally, he brought his lips fully on mine and this time, I didn't back away. I accepted it and kissed him back passionately, finally happy that I could let go of all that negative tension I'd kept inside of me for so long. I could feel myself radiating with joy and light, knowing this time I was able to accept this generous type of affection without pulling away in fear.

_Lee..._

--

Four months have passed since the event that required Lee's immediate hospitalization, and in turn, the revealing of my true feelings for him. He was now fully healed, save for the scars he now had on his body, and especially the one that was disfiguring his face. Many people seemed to stare at it because of the contrast between his smooth face and the roughness of the scar. I, however, paid no attention to the little detail because I couldn't care less about his scar. His scar was a part of his face and I could easily look past it to see his eyes and smile and I can easily pull him into a passionate kiss and he'll accept it and return it just as easily as I can give one to him. On the third month of dating, he asked me--rather bashfully, I might add--if he could move in with me. I was, of course, surprised, but I allowed him such access to my apartment. I nearly fell over when I saw that he'd already packed everything up in the event that I should say yes, and asked the packagers to bring in his stuff. We'd been settled in quite well; him sleeping in the same bed with me, him cooking breakfast for me, watching TV together, falling asleep on the couch together, going shopping... Everything felt so nice. It was a great feeling to wake up curled against someone, knowing that someone cared for me and would be there for me. I loved it greatly. More so than I would ever feel comfortable expressing to him verbally.

Our sexual life was somewhat innocent. We'd never go past make-outs, simply because I was so naive to such a thing. Sometimes I wondered if he would ever get brave enough to go further with me? I surely wasn't going to imply such a thing, because I hadn't the slightest clue as to how I should signify that I would like to further in this relationship. He on the other hand, should have some knowledge on that topic. We'd been together for four months now. Was that a reasonable time to wait before trying it? I seemed interested enough to believe I was ready, so was there a reason to back down? I didn't think so. However, Lee wasn't home and wouldn't be home for another three our four hours. It was rather frustrating, really. I didn't have to work today, as my boss told me I wasn't needed, but I had nothing to do. Toren was probably sleeping right now, or eating. I'd constantly played with him all day long while Lee was gone and I still had to endure more. How annoying.

I wanted Lee to come home. Now.

* * *

Possible yaoi during the next chapter!


	10. Whore

**Rating: **M.

**Pairing: **LeexGaara.

**Disclaimer: **I own _nothing_. I shall never own _anything._ What these characters are going to do is _mine_. Chyea, chyea. Owning them would make me a very happy and angst-ridden girl.

**Warnings: **Detailed yaoi, smut, romance, gag romance, sarcasm, awkwardness, language, confusion, and insanity.

**Author's Notes: **I'm looking for a job, so don't expect too frequent of updates. Also, I have a goal: I want to at least get from 29 reviews to 35. Hopefully, this chapter will do it. So please – leave me lots of love! And, just a note: it _does _drag just a teeny little bit. But it was Gaara, and we must forgive his innocence, yes?

* * *

**You Taste Like Love, You Dirty Little Whore, You.**

* * *

The wait for Lee to come home was horrible, and truth be told, I was starting to feel rather horny. Was that a strange thing to think or speak aloud? Really, the word sounded taboo for me. I'd no reason to feel any such feelings or emotions, and now I had a boyfriend, so it was sort of predictable somewhere along the line that I would be feeling these sorts of emotions. I wondered if I should call him to let him know...? After all, wasn't it rather painful for the one receiving? Wasn't there supposed to be something that the dominant used to make the pain dwindle as opposed to taking them raw? It seemed like it, but all the manga I used to read said otherwise. Were those people _really _that reckless? I certainly did not want to be like that. I take for granted my ability to walk and, even if only for a day or two, not being able to walk would be embarrassing. Especially considering the fact that I would have to call in "sick," though actually it was me being too sore in the ass to walk around. Perhaps I should call Lee and tell him that I was feeling rather... _ impatient_, and that I needed him _now_. Yes, that sounded like a terribly good idea.

Getting off the couch, I walked over to a medium-height, dark brown stand that had my telephone on it; white, simple, classic, boring. Must change that to cordless and make it some other color. See-through green, perhaps. I dialed the number to Lee's house/dojo and waited for the ringing to stop and for Lee to answer.

"Hello," came his voice.

"Lee," I said quickly.

"Yes, Panda...?" His confusion was far from easily hidden from my abrupt call. Certainly, he wasn't expecting this, but considering that we'd been dating for four months now, he'd trained himself to be more prepared for abrupt things. Even from me.

"Lee, I'm... I'm feeling very... _strange_." I had not the slightest idea as to how I should go about telling him that I was fucking _horny _as _hell_.

"Um, what kind of strange, Panda?"

"It's a funny strange."

"Is this like a feeling you have somewhere in your body? Or is it a physical pain?"

"No, it's not physical--well, maybe it is. It just feels funny in my lower stomach."

"Are you sure you do not have to use the bathroom?"

I pursed my lips angrily, though he couldn't see me doing so. "No, Lee," I said sternly, slightly annoyed that he'd suggest something to _absurd_. "I don't have to use the bathroom." I was saying this through gritted teeth, similar to someone stepping on shards of glass; very tense and stressed.

"Hmm… What else are you feeling?"

"Lee! I feel like ravishing something! Does _that _help explain my problem?"

There was a silence at the other end. I wasn't sure if my sudden outburst had caused him to hang up the phone, or if he was pondering what I'd just said. Then, there came his voice: "Panda, are you _horny_?"

I let out a growl of frustration, wanting to throw my hands in the air in surrender and look up at the sky. "Yes, Lee, yes."

There was a chuckle on the other line. "Alright, Panda. I will be home in a little while. Wait that long and I will help you."

_Thank god_... "All right."

"Bye, Panda."

"Bye."

Click.

_Grr… _ This constant waiting game was frustrating, to say the least. I felt compelled to rip my hair out strand-by-strand and see if charities could do anything with it. Technically, it's not even long enough to donate, but I'd do it just to mess with them, anyway.

Well, I still had Toren to keep me company for a while. I may as well go play with him until Lee comes home. Toren wasn't much of a troublemaker, which was good for me, as well as my medium-toned, red carpet. He was well tamed and trained, doing tricks for me and affectionate enough to allow me to pet him without so much as a tiny squawk or an attempted bite. But still, it was far from enough for me to keep this feeling in the pit of my stomach from going away, or at least going down just a little bit. Truth be told, the longer I had to wait, the tenser I got. It was really frustrating and the repetition was hardly helping my state of mind. I wanted this so badly to be over and done with so I could go on with my life and be happy. Well, happy to an extent. Something told me I'd either _never _want to do it again, or want to do it all the time. Too much of a good thing wears out the magic, so to speak, so I'd rather not go crazy with fun. After all, isn't that how porn stars felt after several months of sex _everyday_? It sort of wears down those feelings rather immensely, right? Or perhaps I'm just going crazy. Quite frankly, I just don't know enough to really care. Or maybe I do, but I just don't want to because the knowledge isn't new knowledge. But I could hardly care about these thoughts anyway, considering just how I'd felt.

--

When Lee got home, I was lying face down on the couch, trying once more to bury myself within the depths of it that I knew didn't exist—it was there simply to keep my mind off of my burning desire. The light was off, which he flicked on without thought, and he walked over to me after taking his shoes off and setting a plastic bag to the side. I didn't lift my head when I felt the pressure of him causing the couch to give way for him to seat himself down. Neither did I lift my head when he started running a hand through my hair. The feeling of it was sensational, and, considering my current mental and physical state, well wanted and appreciated. My only concern was, how was I to initiate that I'd wanted him? These things were incredibly awkward for someone like me. And, if we were to do it in my bedroom, my bird would be watching me with those black eyes of his.

"Lee?" I said, my voice muffled by the couch.

"Yes?"

"What'd you buy?"

He chuckled. "Something that will help things go smoothly."

"Really," I said more matter-of-fact than questionably.

"Yes."

"Great."

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm just… antsy."

Next thing I knew, I was being pulled off the couch by the curiosity of where Lee had gone and from Lee pulling me up. He swiftly had me in his arms bridal style, something I found to be rather embarrassing and shocking for me, and started walking towards his room. Apparently, he'd read my thoughts. Who wants an animal to watch them while they're having sex? It never struck me as being kinky or 'hot.' He set me on his bed while he walked over to shut the door. Whoever was _supposed _to come over, wasn't going to be able to intrude on us. I just didn't know _who _this person was supposed to be. In fact, I didn't understand why he would be shutting the door anyway. Nobody ever visits me, so it didn't matter to me.

Whatever it was he had in the bag, I noticed it was a medium-sized tube with something within it. I was assuming it was lotion, so was he giving me a massage? Must ask him something about it.

"Lee?" I questioned as he sat on his bed next to me.

"Hmm?"

"What's in that tube on the table over there?"

"Eh… Panda, it is…"

"Is it something for a massage?"

"Is that something you want?"

"I don't know. Does it help?"

"It helps keep the receiver relaxed. It will not hurt as much when we do it."

"… So give me one."

He laughed. "Now, now." He brought his hands up like you would in self-defense against accusations, though he meant to relax and slow down. "This is not something you generally rush… Just be patient—everything leads to it eventually."

"Lee, I'm _tired _of waiting. Please, let's just do this."

He laughed once more as he leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the lips. I was hesitant at first because I was so inexperienced with the whole thing, but I followed his lead as he coaxed my lips open. I could feel his tongue rubbing against mine, massaging it and I couldn't help but let out a tiny moan, my face blushing from the lack of self-control and inability to keep up my imagery of being apathetic. My eye opened a sliver bit as I watched him. I could feel his hand going up to my neck, his grip was tight on me, but not that tight that it would hurt. I myself had my arms down to my sides because I was absolutely clueless as to what I should do with them. With complete hesitation, I brought them up to hold his sides gingerly, not knowing if I should just grab his shirt or what. But that was quickly erased when I felt him bring his other hand down to lead me into grabbing both sides of his shirt. He brought that same hand and brought it dangerously close to _that_ part of my body. His hand that was behind my neck took hold of my hair and gave it a small tug, and I let out a slight groan.

Slowly, he shifted, as if not to scare me away, and started tugging my shirt off. I held up my arms to make it easier, and I could feel the coolness from his room hit my chest, and I could feel goose bumps coming up. I hadn't realized just how _cold _his room was compared to mine. Course, I really didn't feel like having a heat stroke from doing this in my room. He instructed me to turn around and I did, anticipating what was to come. I could feel him moving behind me, grabbing something and all of a sudden, I could feel something cold hit my back. I gasped at the coldness against the heat of my body. But afterwards, I could feel his hands working at my muscles, pressing in on certain spots, forcing my muscles to relax against his hand.

The contrasts between his warm hands and the coldness from the lotion—or was it the liquid from the bottle?—felt very interesting, but it felt very relaxing against my back. I felt my shoulders slump down from his touches, relaxed. He put a lot of pressure around my shoulder blades, and I wasn't sure if the feeling was incredibly great or not, but I was sure that afterwards, my body would probably appreciate it. I felt him lean forward and press a kiss against my right shoulder blade, but I was too fixated on the feeling of his hands pressing into my muscles.

"Panda do me a favor."

"What?"

"Lie on your back, please. It helps."

Without much thought, thanks to the massage so far, I did what he wanted me to do. He moved for a moment while I got comfortable on my stomach, not entirely sure if I liked it or not. He got back on the bed, but instead, he sat on my butt and resumed his prior attack on my back. I had to say it felt… awkward to have someone sit on my _butt_, but I was sure it had to do with getting a better ability and angle to massage my back. I could feel him sway his hips a little bit, and something hard was brushing against me. My eyes widened at the feeling of this hardness against me, but I had to admit: I was fairly _sensitive_ in that area... It _did _ feel good. I could feel my hands clutch the pillow beneath me at the feeling, and I closed my eyes. He continued to attack me, trying his best to get those kinks out. Though, it was more than likely that he would not be one hundred percent successful, considering how awkward I felt about this, and also putting into consideration that it was my first time doing this with _anybody_.

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss on the small of my back, feeling rather smooth against my skin. The blush on my face was becoming more evident as blood continued to rise just behind my skin, almost becoming the same color as my hair; bright and sticking out horribly in contrast to Lee's pillow and blanket. He continued to sway his hips, causing that same hard thing to continuously rub against me as he kept on with the massage. At first, it hurt, the feeling of having someone press into my body over and over again with a stern force; but after a while, it started to take its toll on me as I could feel my entire body go limp on me. Again, he leaned forward, this time fully lying atop of me as he turned his head to give my neck a kiss.

"So... how are you feeling?" he asked softly, his breath tickling my ear.

I didn't bother to turn my head, though from the corner of my eye, I could see him looking at me. My face was flushed and my body felt hot from the whole thing, despite the coolness of his room, and my body was rather limp. I nodded in response, not really sure if that was clarification enough for him. "Yeah..."

"So... are you feeling good or bad?" he pressed, obviously not convinced by my nod and one-word response.

I let out a sigh, but not from annoyance that I had to repeat myself--though it _could _get annoying to have to do so--and turned my head to him. "Good."

He smiled, content with my response and nodded once. He got off gently, his hands next to my sides, and pulled me up afterwards. He placed me on my back, once more on the bed. I don't know why he didn't just ask me to roll over, but I really couldn't find it in me to complain. He straddled my waist again, and the hard thing that was connected to me was rubbing against me, and I let out a gasp. _Were we both this sensitive? _I knew _I_ was, but I wasn't so sure about _him_. He simply struck me as the type of person who had done this some few times before, but obviously not enough to truly lose the sense of feeling. Because _obviously_, he was feeling something there. He leaned forward and started kissing from my collarbone down to as far as he could reach without having to move too far off my waist. It felt strange, yet at the same time, desirable. I wasn't used to this form of "attacking" done to my body, but I felt that I could live with it - it wasn't trying to kill me. He brought one of my nipples into his mouth, causing a gasp to emit from my mouth, and he took this as a sign to continue attacking it. He attacked it until it was standing up before proceeding to attack the other one. He bit it once, then started to suck and pull at it, guiding it until it stood up as well. My breathing was labored quite a bit at this point, my chest heaving immensely, and I was having difficulty trying to find a steady pattern that I could be comfortable with. That, however, was a tad difficult considering all the things Lee was doing to me.

He pulled back for a moment to look me in the eyes. Yet, he couldn't really do that successfully, considering the fact that my eyes were closed from all the ministrations he was doing to me. I opened my eyes a bit to look at him, my vision slightly blurred, and could see that he was fully intent on going through with this. I couldn't find it in me to ask him to quit, because I was feeling the same thing he was. He brought himself forward once more and started kissing my stomach in random spots, not really bothering to come up with a pattern; most likely because he was too flush caught up in the moment to really _care _in trying to find a design that he could make on me. Course, it didn't really matter because it wasn't like he was seriously leaving marks all over my body. He could use eyeliner or something for that. Or... maybe henna?

"You think too much," he said suddenly, his voice not quite as _Lee _as it usually was, most likely from the situation.

"Wha--?" I looked up at him, confused. He couldn't possibly tell of what I was thinking, could he?

"You should not think so much during this," he explained. "It is not required, and certainly denied or opposed."

"You deny thought?" I asked, more out of rebellion than sarcasm.

"Well..." He trailed off. "It is more a 'do now and think later' thing."

"All actions and no talk?" I more or less repeated, but mostly for my own reassurance.

He nodded. So I nodded in understanding.

He started to attack my torso again, this time bringing his hands forward into it, running down my sides lightly, slowly, sensuously. I could feel my body writhe from his touches, and I took hold of the pillow beneath me again. His hands continued to trail down my body, and go up again, in a pattern that I found rather enjoyable, taking notice of how my body was reacting to it. This time, I remained quiet, only allowing faint and tiny moans and whimpers to escape from my lips. My breath hitched when I felt his hands toying with the hemming of my jeans, fiddling with it; bringing nothing more than his pinky fingers slip beyond them, and I could feel them moving around, touching my hip bones. I let out a surprised gasp at the feeling of his fingers touching a taboo area of my body.

"Panda," he said, his voice husky. "Tell me something."

"... Wh..." I trailed off, not entirely trusting my voice at this point. Quite frankly, I didn't trust my voice at all. My breathing was irregular, my face was probably as red as blood pouring from an open gash, and my body felt so incredibly _hot_ from the contact of Lee's touches. I looked at him through half-closed eyes, my mouth open as I tried furiously to inhale enough oxygen so that I wouldn't suffocate.

"Are you asking this because it is something you _want _to do?"

I had to think about this for a moment. Not because I wasn't sure of the answer, but because of the question Lee was asking me. I'd gone my entire life without this type of thing before, and I'd been dating Lee for four months now. To me, it seemed awfully rushed that I'd go for something so soon, but quite frankly, I couldn't stop myself from bringing the feeling forward. After all, what was the point in lying to your partner if the majority of the relationship relied heavily on honesty and trust? I wasn't asking for a superficial relationship many people experience nowadays - I wanted a true blue commitment.

"Of... of course... I want this..." The very idea of the question was absurd to me. "Why are you... asking?"

"I... am not sure, with all due honesty," he said sheepishly; or tried to be sheepish - the moment was causing too much embarrassment and emotions to really involve or allow sheepish.

"Well, don't question my desires," I said with finality.

"O... kay," he said, slightly confused by my response.

"Lee, please keep going," I said, partially begging.

He said nothing, merely nodding.

He removed his pinky fingers from my pants and began unbuttoning them. I could feel my heart beat race again as I felt his fingers toy with the button carelessly, trying more to get a rise out of me than him being in a rush to get the annoying thing out of the way. I could feel it coming out, and he began moving my pants down centimeter by centimeter, going slowly on purpose to watch me writhe and shrivel beneath him. And before I could comprehend anything, my pants were at my ankles and all I was really left in were my boxers. Now, I didn't find that totally fair because he was fully dressed. But I couldn't think straight as he continued to attack my torso with his hands, bringing his fingers down to graze at the hemming of my boxers. My breath hitched and I realized that if I were to get what I wanted to say out, I would have to do it before he removed the last layer of my clothing.

"Lee... do you honestly... expect that... this is fair...?" This was blasphemy. Should I have to speak now?

"What is not fair?" He honestly didn't know.

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Naked, clothed." I wasn't going to go out of my way to make a complete sentence.

But I didn't need to, apparently, because he nodded in understanding. He removed his shirt in a brisk pace, exposing his smooth and milky cream skin color, and then proceeded to take his pants off. How, actually, he got them off without totally getting off me, was beyond my ability of comprehension. But he'd managed it, and we were both equal - both in boxers, both exposed. I couldn't help but stare at his figure and compare it to mine. Because of his job, he had a rather toned body, as there were defining lines showing off his muscles. On the other hand, I worked at a fast food restaurant. So my body was hardly defined, not compared to his anyway. It occurred to me that he could easily overpower me if he so wished, but yet he never did. I was like a twig; pale, scrawny, frail, a ghost walking around. Granted, he wasn't as tan as Kiba, he also wasn't as pale as me. I couldn't help but explore this new found territory. It was only fair that he did it to me, so I got to do it to him, right? Yeah, it was fair. My hands, which had been clutching the pillow beneath me, rose up to lightly touch Lee's torso. I ran them up and down lightly, liking the shuddering reaction I got from him. I continued doing so as my fingers ran themselves over his nipples. He seemed to have rather sensitive nipples, so I kept that in mind: it could be valuable to store such information for the future. His body writhed quite beautifully from my fingers, so I kept doing it to him. He let out a small gasp when I started to fiddle only with his nipples. Flicking and pulling at them, I could feel a wild, devil grin growing on my face, until they both stood.

"P-Panda..."

I stopped and looked up at him. I didn't dare say anything, simply because he had been the way to say that this was supposed to be an 'all action, no talk' thing, and here he was talking. I wish he would follow his own rules. It was annoying that he would come up with them. _Rules are meant to be broken_, I reasoned with myself. Whatever...

But he didn't say anything. I realized he was moaning. Never mind. I leaned forward, intent on doing something he hadn't done yet. From behind his ear to the base of his neck, I licked him. He let out a gasp at the cool feeling of my tongue hitting his bare flesh, and that only made me continue. Screw thinking - it could wait. I started sucking on the base of his neck, liking the feeling of his shuddering. He coiled his arms around me, moving them up and down my back, occasionally digging his nails in or scraping my back with them. I didn't mind, though. The feeling of his nails digging into my flesh felt really _good_. I brought my hands up to hold onto his arms, occasionally squeezing them to gauge his reaction, to see if he liked the feeling or not, but he didn't seem to complain, or say anything for that matter. He let go of me and removed my hands from his arms, pushing me back down onto the bed. I didn't know exactly of what he was going to do to me, but I was patient enough to wait. I was getting what I wanted after all.

He started playing with the hemming of my boxers again, fooling around with it but not actually doing anything. He ran his fingers up and down my hip bones, stopping at the base of my boxers, repeating the pattern several times, causing me to arch my back every time. Finally, I could feel my boxers slipping slowly down my thighs, over my knees, snaking past my calves, stopping at my ankles to meet up with my pants. My heart stopped and I held my breath in, waiting for him to remove them. And he did. They both slipped off with ease, and I could feel myself growing more and more self-conscious knowing that I was completely naked beneath him. I really wanted to cover myself, and, as I started to grab the pillow, he stopped me. I stopped moving and let him continue what he was doing. He ran his fingers down my torso, trailing down lightly, and my back arched at the touch. He ran his fingers around what was in the center of my legs and my back came up in a sharp arch. I let out a shaky gasp and moaned afterwards. I _really _wanted him to touch me again. He continued doing it and I continued to let out moans and gasps, grasping the blanket now. The feeling of his skilled fingers working around my thighs just _barely _touching what had begun to throb so painfully was making it nearly impossible to breathe, much less try to moan. He started moving and I started to wonder where he was going.

_Oooohhh_.

My back arched up again, and I let out a jagged moan as I felt something warm engulfing me. I was caught entirely by surprise, although it was a pleasant surprise. The feeling of his mouth working like a vacuum and sucking, his tongue flicking around it - felt _incredible_ against my burning flesh. I grabbed the bedpost he had as he continued to attack me. Blood started to rush up to my face once more and I wound up closing my eyes tightly as he attacked me. He moved his head back until the very tip of me was in his mouth before he rushed back in, and I let out a strangled whimper at the tight feeling. My eyes jolted open and my mouth hung wide when I felt his teeth scrape once over me. I started chewing my lip at the feeling when he did it again. I let out another moan when I felt his fingers wrapping around the base, working and massaging it. It was so _hard _trying to stay as relaxed as I was, _before _he started doing this! I felt a hand moving away from my base down to something _different_, and I let out another jagged and strangled moan. He toiled with it and I put even more pressure on my lower lip, biting and chewing at it despite the blood flowing freely from it. It stung horribly, I was sure; but I was too fixated on the feeling of Lee's hands working at my lower regions. My bird chirped in the background, but I didn't pay any attention to him anyway - just a random chirp; nothing to be worried about.

There was a building sensation going down to where Lee's head and hands were, and I could feel that I wasn't going to last for very long. Should I say something to let him know? I really didn't want him to choke...

"Le... Lee..."

He didn't stop. Obviously, he seemed well aware and knowledgeable of what it was I was trying to communicate to him; as he kept going. He gave a final suck and a final squeeze on me, and I could feel myself explode into his mouth, part of me constricting as I released. He didn't seem to care that it had come from a very undiscussed portion of the male body, as he swallowed all that he could of me. I looked up with all the strength I could muster - as I felt _incredibly _tired now from the experience - to see just a tiny little trickle of my climax running down from his lip to his chin. It wasn't dripping, but _damn_ that was a rather horny image of Lee that I had to keep in mind...

He leaned forward until he was up to my face, and my eyes widened when I felt his length hitting against mine. He brought his face up to mine until we were both kissing wildly and passionately. I wrapped my arms around him, and the lower halves of his arms - elbows next to the sides of my head - up to his hands holding onto to his pillow, were moved. He took one of his hands almost circled it around my head, sort like a barrier to keep intruders out from getting me. I didn't pay too much attention to it, though, as I was more interested in the kiss he was giving me. I could taste myself, but I could also taste his lunch: a fruit salad and yogurt. _Interesting lunch_... The combination of salty and sweet struck me as something that was quite tasteful, but it was only something that could linger on my tongue for a few more seconds, as Lee pulled back and gave me a smile and looked at me through half-closed eyes. I myself could barely keep my eyes wide enough; the pleasure was far too great to really try anyway. He propelled himself upward, and, putting a hand on my chest, he eyed me again.

"You ready?" he asked, his voice husky.

I nodded slowly.

He pulled back and grabbed the bottle of lotion - lube? - that he'd set aside on the table that I had forgotten entirely about and the cap came open with a pop. It made me flinch, wondering what it was _exactly _that he was going to do with it, but I trusted Lee. Whatever it was, it was supposed to help; or so that was what he'd told me. I looked up at him with curiosity to see what he was doing. He turned the bottle upside down and poured some onto his hand, rubbing it together until he thought he was well-coated with it. He got on all fours to get closer to me and paused, looking at me.

"Bear with me on this," he warned. "It might feel funny."

If I had eyebrows, they'd be furrowed in curiosity. But I just nodded and waited for him to do whatever it was that he was going to do.

He sat on his butt and grabbed me, pulling me forward, and the slimy solid was now on my sides from his hands touching me there. He placed one hand on the center of my back and let another hand slip downward. It was getting _dangerously _close to bottom, and I let out a loud gasp when I felt his fingers moving, trailing down my crease until he reached his destination. I could feel just exactly how tight I was when he slipped a finger through, and I couldn't help but squirm just a tad when I felt his finger move aroun within me. I'd never felt this type of feeling before, and I had to be honest: it felt _odd_. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried to ignore the funny feeling going on inside me. I flinched when he added a second finger, and he started a scissoring motion, stretching me out further than he was capable of doing with just one finger. When he added a _third _finger, I let out a small gasp of pain as he further stretched me. Just how _big _was he _exactly_ again? I grew fearful, and I really prayed that he wasn't going to add a fourth finger. The feeling of three fingers probing around inside me, stretching me out, was all weird, painful, and - His finger brushed across something inside me and my body tensed up. I dug my nails into his flesh on the back of his neck and let out a moan. _What the _hell _was _that_? _He let out a tiny chuckle and brushed at it again, and I started biting the other side of my bottom lip, as the one side was still leaking blood from the previous time that I had been chewing on it.

Finally, after the torment he'd put my body through had ceased and his fingers were removed, I thought it safe for me to exhale. My breathing was very irregular as it was so impossible to keep at a steady pattern, and my heart was beating quickly from the ministrations Lee had put me through. He pushed me back a little so that he could reach a hand down. He lightly ran his hand down my length, smiling because it was already alive once more. He continued by grabbing himself from his own boxers, though I realized that he'd neglected to fully remove those boxers of his; so he was _still _more dressed than I was. I found that to be unfair, but why the hell should I care at this point? I just wanted to do this. _Badly_. He took the bottle again and poured more of the substance into his hand, only this time, running it up and down himself until he felt that he was fairly well coated. He pushed the cap on the bottle so that it was closed and set it aside, figuring that he could worry about it later, and brought his face forward to kiss me again. I followed suit as he brought his tongue out to enter my mouth and started playing with mine. I let out a moan, my self-control gone at this point and very much in surrender to this man, and he pulled back. He took hold of himself and put the tip at my entrance, and my breath hitched. We were both sweaty, sticky, and rather coated in the substance that Lee had purchased from god knows where. We couldn't breathe right, and I could swear that his heart was beating inside of me with my own heart beating at a rapid pace. Thank _god _this was not a rushed matter - the pain would probably be excruciating. He pulled me closer to him and I held on tightly as I felt him push his way through my entrance. It did hurt. _ A lot_. Despite the prepping he'd put me through, those fingers weren't all that comparable to the size of _him_. I hadn't the slightest clue as to how _big _some people could be. All I knew was that a giant and loud cry came from my lips at the feeling of him separating me, causing my body to clench around him, trying to push the intrusion out. I cried out again when he was fully sheathed inside me, and he held me tightly, held me close to him. He put a hand on the back of my head, clutching it, and I buried my face in the crook of his neck.

He started running a hand up and down my back, trying to soothe me. It didn't work too well as I was too focused on the feeling of my body trying to mold around him. He turned his head, craning his neck, and gave me a kiss on my cheek. "I am sorry," he whispered in my ear. I nodded, although I really didn't understand why he was apologizing in the first place. I whispered his name, signalling that I was ready for him to start moving. He complied, moving in slowly at first to make sure to keep the pain down. But in my opinion, I thought that going slow would only cause more pain. But I couldn't say anything as all I could think about was the pain surging through me. Grunts and tiny whimpers were escaping my lips as he thrust into me, slowly. He brought his hand through my hair repeatedly, trying to soothe me. Suddenly, my body tensed as I felt something within me being touched again. I let out a gasp and then a long moan.

"Ah... _aaahhh_... _Lee_..."

Having to take this as a sort of hint, he started to thrust a little faster, making sure to go in accurately - or so it seemed - as he continued to strike that same spot over and over again. I could feel strangled moan after strangled moan come out of my mouth as he continued to hit that spot. My nails dug into his skin, piercing his flesh and then all of a sudden, I came flying back onto the bed, and I was still holding onto him tightly. He thrust into me over and over again, hitting me in the same spot again and again, and I couldn't hold back all the moans and groans and whimpers coming from me. As he kept pummeling into me, I could feel the pressure going down south into me.

"_Ah_... _Nnnnggg_... _Ha ha_... _Lee_..."

Out of nowhere, I felt myself explode once more, this time more violently. I clenched around him, which caused him to let out a moan of his own. He hadn't been quite as vocal as I, but there had been the occasional grunts and whimpers instead.

"Ah... _Panda_... tight..."

He climaxed inside me and I closed my eyes tightly at the feeling of something else been thrown into me. His mouth went agape and I felt my body tense up for what I hoped would be the last time. I could feel his climax leaking down my thighs, and I had to admit, it felt strange. His length, still inside of me, was beginning to shrink in size and go limp, was also something I could feel. He pulled out slowly, and fell down next to me on his stomach. It felt odd because of how empty I felt, but when he turned his head to look at me and started to run his fingers gently up and down my arm in a small vertical line (he was as worn as I), he smiled and I smiled, too. I was too tired to really smile, but I tried anyway. I inched my way over to him and rested my head on his shoulder. He brought his hand up and ran it through my hair soothingly. It was lulling me off to sleep.

"Panda...?" His voice was quiet.

"Uh...?" I said, half asleep by now.

"How... was it?"

I nodded. "Different... but good... 'm sore..."

"I would imagine... You... are a virgin..." There was a pause, then: "... _Were _a virgin..."

I nodded again. "'m tired..."

We were both whispering because of the lack of energy from the _sex_ we had...

"So sleep..."

I nodded again. I let my eyes close the rest of the way and I felt Lee pull me into a protective and loving embrace as I began to drift. There was an oncoming pain in my lower backside, but I ignored it for the time being. It could wait 'till morning. I was too damn tired to care.


	11. Brother

**Rating: **M

**Pairing: **LeexGaara; KibaxHinata; KankuroxKiba.

**Disclaimer: **After this chapter, I won't put in the disclaimer until new characters arise. Christopher Titus is a real comedian for those of you who don't know. Therefore, he's not mine.

**Warnings: **Language, complaining, pain, angst, sexual content, death, fluff, gag romance.

**Author's Notes: **How many of you thought I would make it this far? But... because I didn't exactly get up to 35 reviews (I was two away), I don't think I should reward you with some outside LeexGaara yaoi. I started working on some KankuroxKiba stuff, but until I get my goal, you won't get it. And I want to apologize in advance for Shino.

* * *

**Woof, Woof, Bitch - I'm Calling You Out; But Never Mind 'Cause You Ain't Conscious.**

* * *

Waking up the next morning, I felt incredibly sore. My lower-back side was in pain - I couldn't move too much without feeling a sharp pain going through my back. I couldn't remember at first why I suddenly felt so tired and in pain. But then it struck me: I'd had _sex _with Lee last night. No wonder! Here I was lying in a bed that wasn't mine, but I was still in my apartment. I should recognize this, as it was the spare bedroom. But then I also remembered that Lee had moved in with me, and was staying in this room. Why he moved in here and had not wanted to share my room, I wasn't entirely sure. But I was sure that it had something to do with all of his clothes and whatnot. Not all of it would fit in my dresser, and I don't have a closet. So it made sense that he pretty much lived in this room. And speaking of which... Where _was _Lee? I turned my head - making sure to avoid moving my body too much - and I found that he wasn't to my right. I turned my head to the left, and he wasn't there either. _What the hell_? _Where is he_? I had to admit, I was just a _little _fucking pissed off that he would disappear on me. But then something caught my eye. There was a folded letter on the stand that he'd put next to his bed. Without too much effort involved in this, I stretched my arm out so that I could reach the letter. I unfolded it and read it silently to myself.

_Panda..._

_I am sorry I am not there with you, but I had to go to work earlier than usual today. Gai-Sensei needed me to teach the extra session because he is far too busy with the other sessions of the day. He feels I am experienced enough to handle it. I would have woken you up this morning, but you were sleeping so soundly - and so adorably, I should add. I made you some breakfast - hopefully it is not too cold by now. But if it is, then you can just stick it in the microwave. I will see you later on tonight. I have to go to the dojo to grab the rest of my stuff because some of it is still there. Maybe sometime you and I should have a private session together. I do not mean we will do _that _any time soon, but just a lesson. You are going to be sore for a few days, so please do not do anything that puts too much strain on you! That would be just a little embarrassing to have to take you to the hospital for something you could avoid! Bye-bye, Love._

_ Lee_

I smiled at the letter. It was sweet that he would leave this behind, and he made me breakfast. Too bad I was still asleep when he made it. It was probably cold by now, and despite the fact that he'd said not to do anything straining to my body, I wonder how he expects me to get out of bed so I can re-heat that plate of food in the first place? And something random that popped into my head: When did Lee start calling me "love"? I shook the thought from my head. I could live with that, but I could live with him calling me Panda more than I could with being called "love." Oh, well. I suppose I can't really complain, now can I? No, I suppose not.

Slowly and gently, I moved myself out of bed, wincing at the pain in my backside as I sat on the edge of my bed. I rubbed the back of my neck and suddenly, I wondered if I seriously had a hickey or not. Course, it wouldn't matter because I was far too sore to go to work for a few days. How long did hickeys last, I wonder? I walked with a horrible limp to the kitchen, which was just beyond my living room, which was several feet away, which was - oh my _fucking painful_. But I made it, and I looked at the plate: two pancakes, two eggs, three sausages, a hash-brown, and a tall glass of orange juice to the side. What was Lee trying to _do_ to me? I was very much flattered that he would go through all that trouble to make me this, but it was simply too much at one time for me. We kissed, he moved in, he took me, I didn't need breakfast, too! Although, it was rather sweet of him to do so. With a content sigh, I popped the plate of food into the microwave and decided that, since it was only in there for three minutes, I may as well just stand around and set myself up at the table. There was no point in sitting down for three minutes and then having to get back up only to sit down once more when my ass was sore.

Three minutes. Food was done. I took it out of the microwave - _hot_ - and set on the table with a loud clank and sat down myself. The food wasn't that bad, although I wished I had the leisure of enjoying it when it was first done. But no, he had to let me sleep in. Why? How incredibly selfless. Didn't he know that I didn't mind a person with a little more selfishness? Seriously. He could've woken me up and made me breakfast. We could've shared it, too. But no, he had to be the person he was. I guess I shouldn't complain too much, though. He was everything I wasn't, but yet we fit together quite strangely. But on the other hand, it was sort of a perfect combination. After all, wasn't it like the Chinese symbol for Yin and Yang? Males were fire and women were water? They equal each other out. Or, perhaps my knowledge of such history of Chinese culture was inaccurate and I was just ignorant for having not done any research on the symbol since my sophomore year of high school. Oh, well.

I started forking at my breakfast, not really sure where to start eating and where I should stop eating. Could I eat all of this? I wasn't entirely sure, but I knew for a fact that I was far from being anorexic or bulimic. Yes, let's endanger your health by doing something that could rip your stomach apart and could kill you for lacking in muscle and fat. Being a size negative zero wasn't attractive on women, yet the strive for it is so common. I swear, women are such unexplainable creatures. Either way, I really wanted to enjoy this before it got cold again. I poked an egg yolk, watching a stream of deep yellow run down the mount of cooked yolk. It wasn't entirely cooked through, but that was okay. I didn't mind it being a little runny. Too well done wasn't that great either. Course, it was rather pointless to be discussing the value of well-done cuisine, especially when I was having a conversation with nobody at this current moment and time. I _really _wished I hadn't of gone through with that with Lee last night, because now I would be stuck at home all day with nothing to do. I couldn't go to work, even though I would have to call in tomorrow and state that I was "sick," and my ass hurt too much to really move and clean the house.

Finished with my plate of food, I got up - rather gingerly, I should like to add - and set in the sink, much too tired and in pain to really give a damn that I was putting away a dirty dish without even rinsing it off to make the wash easier for me. Screw dishes. Lee did this to me, so he can clean this mess up. I suppose I shouldn't be so illogical, though. I was the one who had initiated the idea for sex in the first place... Oh, who cares? I certainly didn't...

I walked out into the living room, my walk suffering and showing quite bluntly that I was in pain from something. I let myself fall onto the couch, completely regretting it, as my rear collided with the armrest of the couch. It wasn't quite as cushiony as the couch itself... I felt like dozing off, but I really wished for a pillow and blanket. With a heavy sigh of annoyance, I got up and went into my bedroom to grab my pillow and blanket. I'll spare you the _troublesome_ task of hearing me complain about my backside. Gently, I lay myself onto my couch and allowed myself to curl up into the couch and wrap myself in my blanket. Why I hadn't bothered to just leave a spare pillow and blanket out here in the first place? I seemed to find more solace out here than I did in my room. Once again, who cares? I just really wanted to be lazy all day like Shikamaru; only, I had more motivation to do things. I just had a "fractured" back...

But of course, I wasn't allowed to have such luxuries. There was a knock on my door. I had to strain to say, "Come in," but it worked just as well because I heard the door open and close. I could hear the soft scrunching noises of four paws walking across my carpet, and the shuffling of a jacket being removed, as well as a pair of shoes that made scuffling noises upon being dropped on the floor. I could hear the four paws drawing the torso and head of a beast coming towards me. My eyes were closed, but I could almost guess what this creature was.

"Nnngggghhh..." I let out a long groan of slight distaste when I felt a giant and wet tongue running up my face to my hairline. I let my eyes jolt open to look at the giant creature that had caused me to open them in the first place. It was Akamaru. Except back then, he was tiny, and Kiba tried to take him everywhere he went. Though generally, to no avail considering most schools didn't allow animals in the first place. Really, it was on occasions only. Now, I had this giant dog standing in front of me, probably weighing more than me, and he was smiling at me. I lifted my head to get a better look at him. He certainly has _grown _since back then, hasn't he? I extended my arm out so I could pet him, and he sat down as soon as I did so. I felt that I could at least sit up, because that way, he could jump on and get a little more comfortable. I had no problems with dogs lying on my couch, after all. So I got up and patted the empty spot next to me. He barked loudly and happily as he got on, setting his head on my thigh and snuggling into the couch. I heard a laugh coming from the background.

"When Lee called, I didn't know I'd be helping you," Kiba said in a lighthearted and humorous voice. By that I mean he wasn't being sarcastic or making a joke about me. "He didn't say who it was, just the apartment and the number." He walked up and looked around for a seat, spotting my chair that matched my couch. He pointed to it innocently, asking if he could sit down. I nodded and he let a sigh of relief as he plopped into the practically unused chair - Lee and I were usually on the couch, or out, or in each other's room. "So... how long as it been since the last time we came in contact with each other?" he asked, trying to stir up some light conversation.

I had been sitting on my butt by now, and I let my eyes fall before opening them once more. "About seven years."

"Wow... It _has _been a while, huh?" He smiled and closed his eyes, letting out a small laugh afterwards. "Lee's really taken a liking to you, hasn't he? Not that I mean anything bad, or anything," he said quickly. Did he still fear me? I hoped not. I had no intentions of really _hurting _people; I just wanted to stay away from them.

I shrugged in response. "I have no intentions to hurt you..." I mumbled.

"Huh?" He cocked his head to the side and looked at me, watching me idly stroke Akamaru's side. "Well, no... I wasn't thinking anything like that. You've changed a lot since our years in school. You don't have that 'I want to kill you if you come near me' look anymore. It's a lot more innocent. Are you still as smart as you were in high school?"

"Are you still as rash and impulsive as you were in high school?" I decided I could make a joke since he made one about me.

Childishly, but humorously, he stuck his tongue out at me. I smiled. "Man, everybody still hammers me for that," he whined halfheartedly. "But I guess that's life for ya, huh?"

I shrugged. "Are you with anybody right now?"

He thought about it for a moment, then smiled. "Yeah, I am. For a while, I was datin' Hinata."

"So you're not with her anymore?" I felt like such a brown-nose.

He shook his head, though he didn't seem all too depressed about it. "Nah. It didn't work out too well. Thought I loved her, but it turns out I just think of her as a sister."

"How'd you figure that out?" _ Since you seem to lack in the ability to think ahead about your feelings_.

He blushed furiously and brought his forefinger up to his cheek, scratching it nervously. "Well... we were about to start _something_, and like... right before I did _it_, she panicked and I started double-thinking it through, and I realized that the whole situation was sort of gross..."

"Having sex with a woman is gross?" I didn't think so, but that didn't mean I had an attraction towards women. It was just a natural thing humans did.

"No, no, that's not what I meant," he said, holding his hands up and speaking quickly. He let out a sigh, mostly out of being nervous, and tried to explain. "I mean, having sex" - he stammered on the word - "with Hinata would be like me doin' my sister. It's just gross. And I'm not all for incest, really."

"Makes perfect sense," I agreed. "Nothing like placing children in society who seem to suffer more than we do."

"Yeah..."

"So, if you're not with Hinata and you said you were with someone, who is it?"

He laughed. "Someone's curious, eh?" He laughed again. "Well, if you're really _that _curious to know who I'm with, I'll tell ya."

Pause. Waiting. Impatiently. _Tell me! _

"It's Kankuro."

sldkfjlghlkdjfjowiuwoi4uw9oijlskdjflsjflskhgasd.fjsdjflksdjfl! _What!?_ _He's with my _brother_!? Why didn't Kankuro _callme_ to _let me know_!? _"You're dating my brother?" I asked, trying to remain calm. _Relax_, I told myself. _Kankuro is fully capable of choosing his life partner; and therefore, there is no reason to be upset_.

He made a face similar to that of a lovestruck girl, and smiled. "Yeah... He's a perverted ass, but that's okay."

"He's always been that way," I agreed. I brought my finger up to my mouth to start chewing on a hangnail I didn't consciously know I had. Kiba seemed oblivious and continued to speak.

"It was interesting how we became lovers, too," he said enthusiastically.

"Oh? How'd you meet?" I asked, at this point too fixated on my hangnail and the fact that he was with my brother to fully understand what he was saying. But I guess it shouldn't matter all that much. Kankuro had expressed such feelings of homosexuality that never seemed to bother me or Temari. Temari was perfectly happy with Shikamaru, but she had no problems knowing that her brothers were more interested in boys.

"Well..." He let out a nervous laugh and brought his hand behind his head and blushed. "I was at the park fooling around with Akamaru and, heh... Akamaru sort of knocked him on his ass when he tried to catch a stick." He paused, his expression showing that he was thinking back on that day. "And I ran over him to see if he was okay, and he just started cussin' me out for Akamaru. And at first there was this argument between us about how Akamaru was just playing around with me and he was cussin' me out saying how we should try not being so "fucking retarded," and I asked him if I could make it up to him. He said, 'Yeah, actually, you can.' So I asked him what it was that he wanted and he said, 'Take me out for dinner, fucktard.' And I did and we started talking and then we grew to like each other after that. Kinda weird how he was just calling me a bunch of names... But I can't help but think that maybe he suggested dinner on purpose..."

"He has told me before that he had a crush on somebody," I said, trying to verify his theory.

"Oh, really?" He seemed fully interested in this tidbit of information. "Do you remember who he said he had a crush on?" He leaned forward in his chair. I'm sure if he really wanted to, he could kick Akamaru off the couch and sit next to me and pry at me.

"Yes," I stated simply.

"Tell me who," he demanded, excited.

"Well... if memory serves me correct, - which I know it might not -, I want to say that it was Shino..."

His face fell and he nearly fell off the chair onto the floor. "_What_? You can't be serious! _Shino_?"

"Well... I said my memory might be wrong..."

"Okay... Well, I guess it don't matter because we're together now." He smiled happily, though I couldn't help but think that maybe he was a little winded from what I'd just said. I hoped he didn't take it too much into consideration. I _did _mention that I wasn't entirely sure. It has been seven years, after all. Memories don't always stick in someone's mind after that long. And on top of that, Kankuro had only told me once who he had a crush on.

"Right." I wondered something. Kankuro knows where I live, and I still have his number. So maybe I could call him and invite him over for Kiba. But then, I wondered how much they saw each other. "How often do you see Kankuro?"

"Uh... well, he works with puppets for little kids, and he travels around a lot, so..." He trailed off to think it through. "And I stay around town taking care of animals with my sister at the clinic. So at most... I think I see him five times every month. It's really hard trying to keep a relationship when your loved one is always away... It kinda sucks that he's gone all the time, but I can't make him stop doing something he enjoys. And he's never once tried to get me to come with him because he knows how happy I am doing what I'm doing now."

"... How would you feel if I invited him over?"

He seemed to perk up from hearing this. "R-really? You'd do that for me?"

I nodded and let loose a smile. "Yes."

"Thanks, dude!" He let a wild grin cross his face. His energy was fully up now, excited that he'd be able to see his boyfriend for more than just the days that he came home.

"It's the least I can do," I replied easily. After all, I deserved to see my brother as much as he deserved to see his lover. I got up, though winced and regretted it. I paused, hoping the pain would stop if I didn't move, but I was in such an awkward position that all it made the pain do was settle and continue to throb.

"Hey... are you alright?" he asked.

I nodded, thoroughly lying with every fiber of my bones.

"Want me to get the phone?"

I fell back onto the couch and my face distorted in pain. Kiba got up and grabbed the phone, marveling at the ancient piece of technology that I used. He handed the white and plain thing over to me and sat back down on the chair. Akamaru had moved away to the back of the couch because I'd disturbed him by not only getting up, but my nearly falling on him as well. The giant dog - whose size was comparable to a St. Bernard - had merely grunted in response to my behavior and simply got off to hide behind the couch instead.

"Wow, Lee did a number on you, huh?" I heard Kiba say through laughter. My face became red immediately. "He really likes to mark people. You gotta giant one on your neck!"

"..." I really wanted to pass out now.

"Yeesh, guess you guys did it last night, eh?"

I closed my eyes and nodded. How _embarrassing _this was!

"Nah, there's no reason to be embarrassed about it!" Kiba assured me. "I mean, c'mon - me and Kankuro hit it off every time he comes back home! We don't see each other as often as we'd like, but the times we do get to see each other, we _really _show how much we miss each other. It's great."

"Does his wild and perverted nature come into play?" I asked, not really sure _why _I'd asked that question in the first place. Playing along, I suppose.

"You have no idea," he warned. "Last time -"

"I'm going to call him now," I interrupted, not in the least bit curious to know about my brother's sex life. Or at least I wanted to. Kiba had given me the phone, but not the base. I gave a half-assed glare to him and he gave me a nervous smile.

"Sorry, sorry." He got up and handed me the base. I dialed the number and got three rings before a response.

"Yo," I heard someone say.

"Kankuro?"

"Yeah. Who's this?"

"Your brother."

"Oh, hey! What's up?"

"Come over."

"Uh... now?"

"No, next week. Of course I mean tomorrow."

"Why so sudden?"

"Don't I have a right to see you?"

"Well, yeah, I ain't got no problem visiting."

"Then why haven't you?"

"Well... I've always been so busy and you never call me or Temari anymore."

"Things happen. But I'm talking to you right now. So come over."

"Um, hold up, okay?"

"Are you in town?"

"Yeah, actually. Lucky timing, bro."

"Sure." I didn't really care for the compliment. "Someone's here to see you."

"Oh yeah? Who?"

"Take a wild guess, lover boy."

"... K-Kiba's there?"

"Yes."

"Well, hey. I'll be over there in like, half an hour or whatever."

"All right."

"See ya."

"Bye."

I looked at Kiba, who looked at me with curiosity and slight amusement. "Well?" he mused.

"He's coming over in about half an hour."

He smiled sincerely. "Thanks, dude."

I let my shoulders roll in a shrug. "It was no big deal."

"Well, it's a big deal fer me."

"I know. That's why I offered to call him."

"Wow... you _have _changed!"

"Hm. TV?"

"Uh, sure. Can I sit on the couch, too?"

"I don't care. There's room, obviously."

He let out a chuckle as he got up and took a seat next to me. I turned on the TV, not really sure of what he liked. I could be stereotypical and go to the Animal Planet channel, but I decided to change it to Comedy Central instead. Knowing Kiba, he appreciated a good sense of humor; and being with Kankuro, I was sure there were a lot of laughs exchanged. Christopher Titus was on; he was a funny man. Although, it made me wonder that, since Kiba and Hinata were childhood friends, what had become of Shino? Was he still friends with the silent man? I wanted to ask him. "What became of Shino?"

Kiba's head fell a little bit at the mention of his old friend. "Well..." His voice was really quiet now. Odd, really. Did something bad happen to him? "It was a couple years ago, - just six months before I started dating Kankuro -, me and Shino went out for a drive because I was pretty sad about breaking up with Hinata, and he was just trying to cheer me up in his own weird ways." He paused to let out a hollow chuckle. "He was gonna take me out to see this really pretty forest and take a walk with me, y'know, to just talk and get everything out of the way. Well, it started to rain and after it looked like all the cars went past, he went to go. But a car pulled up out of nowhere really fast and knocked his car into three-sixties until it stopped in the ditch. I was okay, only a few cuts and bruises, nothing much else. I thought quickly enough to bring my feet onto the dashboard so that only my stomach was really being squished. I bruised myself there. But for Shino... The side of the car was completely totalled, and his seat was practically folded in half. He'd hit his head on the steering wheel and was stuck in between his seat. I tried pulling him out by folding the seat back. He was still alive at that point, just unconscious. I tried shaking him and calling his name, but he wouldn't wake up. And his glasses were broken. I couldn't think of anything to do except grab my cell phone and call nine-one-one. I told them where we were and I pulled Shino out of the car. We were about twelve feet away from the crash site, and I was too worried about Shino to really care about the dumbass that'd pulled out in front of us. I sat down and Shino was in my lap and I..." His voice was shaky now. "I tried to wake him up again. There was blood coming out of his mouth and his face was just beat up. I could tell that his back would be fucked up from this, and he'd need a lot of physical therapy. His memory would be a little screwed up, too..." He paused, inhaled, exhaled. "When he woke up, he wouldn't open his eyes anymore than half way and he was looking at me. He looked really weak and frail, and he probably hated it. He tried to take a breath in to talk to me, but he just coughed up blood and I started to panic. I told him to save his strength, but you know like those _stupid _movies, they keep on talking. It sucked _so _bad because... the last thing he said... before he closed his eyes... was, 'I love you'..." He trailed off to wipe a tear from his face. "The ambulance arrived and I was pretty pissed at that moment. I was upset that they'd taken their sweet ol' time gettin' there, and it was too late 'cause Shino was already dead. I punched one of the guys in the face and went back to Shino before they could carry him off. All I could think of... to do... was just hold him and tell them to back off. They took the hint and waited there, finally giving up and heading back. I knew he was gone... There was no point in taking him somewhere just so I could listen to someone declare that he'd died. I took him to a funeral home and I told them I'd wanted a funeral for him. They were pretty surprised 'cause, you know... I've got bruise after bruise and I'm carrying around a dead friend... I didn't know exactly what he wanted, but I got him cremated. All I got now is the last picture we ever got with each other, and his dad let me take all of his stuff. I put it all away someplace safe where I knew it wouldn't get damaged." He paused again, wiping away more tears.

I looked away. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't say I was sorry, because I didn't pity him. I couldn't very well sympathize with him - my mother had died when I was born and my father had left when I was at a young age. My brother and sister and I had basically cared for ourselves until we were old enough to get a job and pay for ourselves. We struggled through school, but we made it and we ended up doing well. Temari, though, was the only one out of the three of us who'd actually gone to college. I didn't really know what it felt like exactly to lose a friend, but I came close to losing the only one I'd had. That was sort of like losing your best friend of twenty-three years, right? Probably not even close... "I... I'm..." Damn this was awkward. "Sorry... I don't know what to say..."

"No, I would imagine not," he said. "There isn't much to say. It just happened and now he's gone... Guess I'll see him someday."

"Someday, but not soon," I said, trying to reassure and console him. I didn't know how well it was working, though. But it worked well enough, I suppose.

"Thanks," he said, wiping away his eyes. They looked red now, and he snorted once to clear his nose. "Probably look like crap right now, huh?"

I didn't say anything in response. How could I? He'd told me how his best friend had died from a car crash, and he was complaining about his looks. They don't exactly go hand-in-hand. But it's probably because of how dead silent it'd gotten between us. "No... it could be worse."

"Yeah... You're right. It could be. So... what's on the TV?"

"Christopher Titus."

"Oh. He a comedian, or something?"

"Yes."

"Cool."

We sat laughing as we waited for Kankuro to show up.

--Twenty Minutes Later--

A knock on my door. "Come in," I called.

The door opened and something similar to what Kiba did could be heard in the background. Kiba turned his head and his face lightened up instantly. He jolted off the couch, leaping up and off from the back and he ran into something, which led to colliding with the door. I turned my head to see who it was, and noticed that it was Kankuro. Kiba looked so happy to see his boyfriend walking through the door, and the first thing I'd realized was his face paint wasn't anywhere on his face. He looked different without it, but he didn't look _bad _without it, either. I decided it were better not to watch them embrace because they were busy sharing kisses. I could hear them kissing and I could hear Kiba giggling and I could hear the ruffling noises from their clothes. I decided to intervene because I really wasn't one for having two lovers go at it on my carpet. I cleared my throat loudly to get their attention. They pulled away from each other immediately and blushed.

"Sorry, bro," Kankuro said as he took Kiba's hand and led him to the chair. He sat down and Kiba happily took his place in his boyfriend's lap. Kiba snuggled up against Kankuro, his face rubbing against Kankuro's neck. Kankuro didn't seem to mind; though he had to restrain Kiba a bit because of whose house it was that he was in. He grinned happily to Kankuro, and Kankuro gave him an affectionate pat on the head. Kankuro turned to look at me. "So, what's up?"

I shrugged once more. "A lot, I suppose."

"Hm," he said eloquently. "So, you gotta job or a chick?"

"Yes," I replied. "I work at a restaurant. It's wonderful being known as a fry-boy. And as far as a _chick _goes, no, I don't have one of those per se, but I do have someone that I'm seeing."

"Oh-ho-ho," he snickered slyly. "So who is it?"

"... Lee."

"Bushy brows?"

"Yes, _Lee_," I corrected. "You don't see me making fun of the person _you're _with, do you?"

"Sorry, yeesh," he said, though smiled. Kiba giggled and licked Kankuro's cheek. "So where is he?"

"At work," I replied. "I don't know when he'll get home."

"But you hope it's soon, right?"

I nodded. "I'd rather see him than not see him at all."

"Yeah..." He looked at Kiba and gave him somewhat of an apologetic look, and allowed the other to lick him again.

"Please don't tell me you're going to keep doing that," I whined. Lee and I were particularly affectionate, but not so much like this.

"Heh heh, sorry, sorry," my brother said. "I'll try, but he's _really _hard to tie back. He's always like this when he sees me. Makes me sad that I gotta leave him all the time, but _damn_, if I don't enjoy the welcome wagon he gives me every time I come back."

"You'll have plenty of time to get further when you've left my house," I said. "I'd rather you didn't do it in my here."

"Alright, alright, alright," he said, "Relax, okay? We're not gonna do it here." There was a pause. "So how far have you gotten with him? And, well, what's new, I guess?"

"Starting with your _last _question," I started, "I met Lee in a coffee shop. We started talking and four months ago, I nearly got hit by a car while walking to the other side of the road. But Lee pushed me out of the way and got struck by the car instead. We both went to the hospital, and we're both fine now. He got the shit end of the stick, but he's all right. He has problems with his wrist every now and then, but that's to be expected from how damaged it was. And as for how _far _we got, we went that far."

"It's why Lee called me over in the first place," Kiba added happily. "He did it last night!"

My brother looked at me with a smug expression. "So... you really _can _hit it off with someone. So you were on bottom? That's surprising."

"Hn." _Whatever_. "Where's Temari?"

"Out, as usual. She's the busiest one out of us all. She's got a real big job, you know."

"So I'm aware."

"She's so smart and productive, I'd like to know _how _exactly she wound up gettin' married to Shikamaru. Shikamaru's probably the laziest guy I've ever met in his life. I wonder how he made it through school when he complained how everything was so damn _troublesome_. I swear, the guy is a complaint Navy Seal and yet he _still _manages to pick up a chick. Isn't that something else?"

"Yeah..."

"He did stuff for the teachers," Kiba explained. "He would stay during lunch and after class sometimes to take tests or do other stuff to prove that he didn't need to pick up a pencil and write down anything. Usually, geniuses are hard at work putting their knowledge to the test and here he is as the perfect example of what a genius _doesn't _do. Lazy bum!" He snickered.

Kankuro put his hand on Kiba's chin, forcing him to look at the other. Kankuro brought his nose up to Kiba's and rubbed it. I rolled my eyes. They were simply too affectionate towards one another.

"Gah..." Kankuro complained. "Look, bro, I'm feeling _really _needy right now and -"

"Just go get it over with," I said, surrendering.

A smile formed on his face as he picked up his boyfriend and carried him out the door. "I'll be back!" he called.

_Right_...

Something behind my couch let out a whine and I turned my head. It was Akamaru. Kankuro had dragged Kiba out so fast that Akamaru hadn't the time to get up to comprehend where his master was going. "He'll be back," I assured the giant dog. Akamaru let out a grunt and placed his head between his paws, letting out a huff of annoyance at this master's inability to control himself.


	12. Sarcasm

**Rating:** M.

**Pairing: **KankuroxKiba, LeeXGaara.

**Disclaimer: **If I should ever have the chance to publish this, would you buy it and read it all the time? I would hope so. But the legal involvements scare me, and I wonder how all those wonderfully drawn yaoi-manga make it to the market without much hassle.

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Warning: **Sexual reference, mild language, slight angst, sarcasm, complaining.

**Author's Notes: **YES! There _has _been an update. That question that has been asked, "Will there ever be an update," has been answered: **yes**. I've just been incredibly lazy, honestly… My sister has been letting me use her flash port. It's just a matter of getting my fat butt motivated to update this. I still like this story, but I'm conflicted on the plot. Yes, yes, I know: Twelve chapters later and no official plot. Sure, sure, Cookie died, a car struck Lee and Kiba and Kankuro are home screwing each other like bunnies; but no thickening plot. I'm making this up as I go… Rather sad, don't you think? NO HELP…!!

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**I Like to Rock and Say it Doesn't Hurt, but I'd be Lying.**

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While I was left sitting here on the couch with Akamaru, I realized that, since Kankuro and Kiba were going to do something with each other, it didn't seem like Kiba would be coming back. After all, I felt like crap and I couldn't walk much at all without limping and feeling pain. Granted, Kiba and Kankuro had done this many times before, it seemed that no matter what, the receiver would still be in pain. It wasn't like a heterosexual's sex life - she just stretched and easily fitted around what was penetrating her. And that, I find to be ultimately disgusting. Why was I talking about that when it had little relevance to Kiba's situation? All matters aside, I wasn't so sure anymore that Akamaru's beloved owner was going to come back any time soon putting into consideration the pain he would feel. Not that I knew how _big _my brother was, because I didn't. I hadn't seen my brother nude since we were just children and taking baths in local pools, or when a mother took pity on our states and bathed us. The very thought back then of seeing our sister naked was taboo... Just plain disgusting. As if that was evidence enough of our sexuality. Although... I'm rambling.

Akamaru let out a whine. I looked down at him and managed a small smile for his sake. I'm sure he was every bit aware of his master's delayed appearance as I was, but I wanted to at least try to make him feel better. My apartment was far too small for him, really. A large dog like that needed large, open spaces to roam and be free. I lived in an apartment in the city. The only place you would find similar to that was the dog park. But he's such a big boy, I wasn't sure if he was going to scare off all the other dogs. St. Bernard's were huge dogs, but Akamaru was a _huge _exception... Course, I hadn't the slightest clue as to what type of breed Akamaru was. Perhaps Kiba will know? I should really lay off the nonsense questions - they weren't getting me very far. I had to put Akamaru's current state back into consideration. Provided the fact that Kiba and my brother were back at their place doing _something_, meant that Kiba wouldn't have the ability to really walk right for the next few or several days (people heal at different rates than one another); which would lead to the possibility that Kiba wouldn't actually be able to come back for his dog. I was pretty sure Akamaru would be displeased at his master's absence, but there was little consolation I could offer the over-grown beast. Course, the wait for Kankuro's arrival was a testament to my dedication _not _to simply lie around and wait.

I got up and walked around the cage, as I was _not _going to attempt the childish thing Kiba did to retrieve his boyfriend, and stood in front of Akamaru. "I don't have anything that could really fill you up, because what I do have was meant for my tiny dog," I said to the giant dog. "But... are you hungry?"

He looked up at me and gave a giant and loud "woof," which signified that he was happy to be fed. The dishes that I'd used for Cookie were far too small for even his tongue to really fit through without getting stuck, so I had to compromise and obtain bigger bowls for the hound. Walking around him, I went into my kitchen where I rampaged through the cupboards to find two bowls big enough for Akamaru, and was happy to find two bowls that were just that. Setting one bowl down on the counter, I took the other one to the sink where I filled it up with water and brought it to the dog. He sat up joyfully and began to drink. I went back into the kitchen and set the other bowl down next to the water bowl and grabbed the bag of food. I began pouring it into the bowl and didn't stop until it was full. I sighed when I'd realized that it had emptied the entire bag, but it wasn't like I had a lot of use for it anyway. My dog was dead, I had to remember that. But at least there was still Toren - that was good enough for me. Nonetheless, I was sure Akamaru wouldn't be able to stay with me for too long. The dog food needed to provide for this dog was probably expensive for Kiba, but between his pay and Kankuro's it was obvious that they lived well, despite Kankuro's frequent absence from the house. I was surprised Akamaru was so laid-back with Kankuro, when you figured out how little the dog saw his owner's boyfriend. Needless to say, watching Akamaru snarf the food like a starved dog was making me hungry as well. I let out a groan when my stomach moaned and headed for the kitchen.

My kitchen was far from packed, the cupboards, that is. I had an odd variation of canned goods ranging from sweet potatoes to baked beans. A while back, my sister bought me a can of frog legs, which I didn't know they even _sold_, and she told me that they were delicious. _Right_... That was believable. I took one bite, and I nearly threw up nothing but stomach acid. I can't believe I still had the can of pickled frog's legs in my cupboards. Perhaps Akamaru...? No. I shook the thought from my head, discarding it completely. If Kiba were to ever find out should I actually pull through with it, he would most certainly kill me in the most savage way he could think of.

Kiba had never been the "pampered" or the "richest" boy of the school - in fact, he grew up with less money than the lower middle-class students, and got food from food stamps from the government. His mother had set up insurance from nonprofit companies to make sure he still had all his regular check-ups for health, and was able to see a dentist. Anything the _richer _students had for leisure, Kiba's insurance didn't cover. So while some students were showing off their braces, Kiba was too busy showing his distaste for their vanity. Granted, his teeth were far from crooked, but they weren't really all that straight either. He was proud that he never had to wear glasses or contacts, but that was because he was always outside with his mother and sister. He had no time or no money to afford television and cable. He was physically fit, and girls admired him for that. But because of his lack of money and inability to really afford anything outside of cheap clothes, food for the dogs, and any electrical and house bills, most girls avoided asking him out. But his disorder of getting a girlfriend really hadn't discouraged him in the slightest - he was still just as confident as ever, and he deserved it from how well he played in sports. If I recall correctly, his mother had given him Akamaru when he was only twelve; about sixth grade. We both graduated from high school six years ago. Akamaru was an _old _dog with a lot of sass in him, when it came right down to it. He would die with the lifespan similar to that of a cockatiel. Akamaru and Kiba were nearly inseparable, save for the rules against animals in the schools.

Kiba's childhood friends, Shino and Hinata, were almost always with him as well. The only thing that really separated the trio was the different class hours. I'm sure they tried to get the same hours, but having different tastes and the way the school would arrange their schedules had probably kept them apart for the most part. Shino and Hinata were both quiet - and mute, I should add - when placed next to and compared to Kiba. Foul-mouthed and cocky, Kiba certainly knew how to put on a show for his students to watch whenever he argued with the teachers. His manners and social skills were desirable at times, but unlike Naruto, he certainly knew when to cut loose the crap and settle down. Mostly for Shino and Hinata's sakes, as they'd always scolded him and Shino was the one to really get down the dog-lover's throat about his 'do now and think later' plan that he _knew _would get the other into trouble.

I could recall Shino's silence in classes. He worked efficiently, and did well in all his classes. Art class was a requirement for our school, and, while he lacked in the _artistic _pool of intelligence, it didn't mean he didn't try in the class. But art class was more about emotions and being able to portray them clearly, or subtly if the creator wished to do so. And Shino was _not _an emotional student. For speech class, one such assignment required voice inflection, because just standing there and reading in that same monotone voice of his, and showing the pictures in the book... To say the least, I'm sure his voice inflection grade probably wasn't very high, considering the teacher had discussed to him during the comments and critiques part of the session how he needed more of it. However, there were no distractions when he read, and it was pretty apparent from the beginning about his interest in insects. I was sure many a fellow female student found his physical appearance to be rather attractive - up until he discussed his interest and compassion for bugs. After that, the only girl that could be seen talking to him was Hinata. To further elaborate on Shino... While he _was _rich, he certainly wasn't as vain as any other rich person would be. He didn't flaunt what he owned to impress anybody, and I respected him for that. He wasn't really judgmental, but he did hold grudges easily. Which was probably a huge reason, aside from his bug infatuation, why people tended to avoid him. People were just too afraid during speech class to give him any sort of feedback because they were afraid they were going to be put on his "grudge list," because he certainly knew how to keep one. And, he was very much similar to his father: Very uptight, very professional, very neat and tidy, and very much like a perfectionist. Any sort of laziness was not allowed and anybody who _allowed _the laziness to come through was to be punished. Everything was to be done neatly, efficiently, and correctly. He was just that sort of no-nonsense student. Being one of the top of the class, many teachers put him in high regards, and they put out a lot of respect for him. I was slightly envious of Shino's acceptance with the teachers and the students, despite the students not really talking to him. Hell, if he wanted to cut to the front of the lunch line, or any line, no student, no lunch lady, or present teacher or principal would oppose. But Shino was never one to go to that extent. If he was the last in line of thirty other students, he would remain the last student up until the very end, and he would even let some students if they were in hectic rush cut in front of him.

For a while there, Shino did have a crush on someone. It wasn't Kiba, as I'm sure he was already in love with Kiba by that point. But he had been dating Hinata off and on in high school, and I hadn't known until he told me that he tried going steady with her, but broke it off.

But no. He had an attraction for a girl who was a grade above him. He'd had her in the same art class, when she was a junior and he a sophomore. She was sitting on the left side of table facing the wall; sitting next to one of her girlfriends; and in front of her girlfriend, was their guy friend. Whenever Shino would finish with a project, he would watch her as she worked on hers. She was more skilled with the mediums and tools needed to create any of the assignments, and sometimes, he got brave enough to walk up to her to watch her work. She never complained, he told Kiba once. She would simply look to see who it was, and go back to the assignment. She put a lot of effort into the things she worked on, and every time, they turned out beautiful. Much of her work was put on display in the showcases in the school, and he admired them. But before he could really attempt to make any sort of move on her, she had to move far away, and she never came back to the school. She wasn't happy about it, and was actually rather depressed about the situation. Shino was sad as well, but unlike her, he didn't show it. But it wasn't as if though she were crying waterfalls - she was a little more conserved than that, and it's probably what attracted Shino to her in the first place. Though, when she had moved, he'd remained the same Shino. He'd simply moved on with it knowing he'd never see her again, and there would be no reason to dwell.

And sweet Hinata, keeping to herself and having one of the most obvious crushes in the world for Naruto. It was really no secret at all to the entire school that Hinata had a crush on one of the dumbest students around. He was worse than Kiba when it came down to it. Kiba actually did his work and did well enough in it that he managed to pass, thanks to Shino. Naruto just wouldn't do anything, and did more back talking to the teachers than Kiba could ever amount to. Hinata had tried to make the relationship between him and Kiba work, but those two were far too competitive for it. So after awhile, she simply gave up on trying and tried to pursue something more in depth than just a simple friendship with the blonde bum. But being the inconsiderate and obnoxiously self-confident idiot that he was, he never paid attention to any of the things Hinata did for him, and in the end, he'd simply hurt her feelings and her heart. Kiba had nothing but complete hatred for the blonde student at that point. Every time Naruto tried to approach Hinata to ask her of something, Kiba was right there to get in between him and stop the other from getting too close to his friend. Naruto had eventually learned his lesson and learned it well, as he never approached Hinata again.

She went through school well, despite her lack of self-confidence, and graduated. She was rich as well, but like Shino, she was never one to flaunt it. She was a sweet and shy girl, doing whatever she was told, and more or less, tagged along with her too long-time friends. Both treated her like their little sister and looked out for her constantly, though I was sure that, after a while, she started taking that for granted. I really hadn't the slightest clue as to what she was doing with her life at this moment, but I was sure she was doing well for herself.

As for Kankuro, Temari, and me? Our lives, needless to say, could've been much better than they were. After I was born, our mother had died. Our father really hadn't wanted anything to do with our existence, and, when we were no younger than six, me being the youngest, he walked out on us permanently. We were desperate to make it through, and we found jobs doing various things to make sure we had money. It wasn't a lot of money, but at least we made enough to live by. I just wish it would've been better than it was. We were all toughened by the experience, and I could say, I was having the most difficulty getting over this and opening up. Obviously, it wasn't that hard for Temari or Kankuro because they were both in a relationship, and they were both outgoing and had a very strong presence when around other people. Oh well. I suppose there's no reason to truly dwell on something that happened years and years ago.

I shook my head to clear myself from my thoughts and closed the cupboard, realizing I wasn't going to find anything fulfilling. I went to the refrigerator and the thought of a hamburger with cheese and ketchup and tomato would sound rather nice with a pile of French fries. Baked, of course. I was surrounded enough by greasy and saturated fats; I really didn't need it at home much more than I could handle. Squatting down to get into my vanity, I opened a door and grabbed a pan and set it on my stove. I turned up the heat and got out some frozen hamburger, de-thawed it using the microwave, and turned on the deep fryer that I kept out on the counter just in case. When the microwave was done, I took the uncooked meat and took a chunk off to turn it into a nearly flat circle. I seasoned one side with seasoning salt and set it seasoned side down into the saucepan. And from there, I seasoned the other side and thus began to wash my hands. I grabbed a spatula from a hanging hook and set it down on a chopping block that was nearby the heated saucepan and went out into the living room where Akamaru was no longer eating, but was sleeping contently, his belly obviously full from the meal; and I took a seat on my couch and proceeded to turn on the TV. Really, there wasn't much on that I found interesting enough to watch; I was simply trying to find an easy, and rather predictable, method to pass the time. It wouldn't take more than about six to ten minutes to cook on side (I enjoyed thoroughly done meat, not that raw crap they call "cuisine"), and then I would have to go back into the kitchen where I would flip it over. Course, it hit me that my oven was still heating up and it was probably ready for French fries by now. Quickly, I got up and went into the kitchen.

I decided that, for the hell of it, I was going to check the underside of the half cooked patty and decided that it was actually cooked enough to be flipped over. I grabbed a baking pan, rectangular and large, and set it down on the counter. I reached into the freezer and grabbed a bag of French fries that hadn't been opened yet and piled a bunch onto the pan, spreading them out and preparing them for the oven. Basically, just open the door to the oven and pop the fries in and let them all cook. I was no professional chef, but it certainly didn't take a genius to make something as simple as a cheeseburger with fries. My only concern is that I let the fries cook too long and they get burned. Sad that I work at a fast food joint and I still manage to forget that something's in the kitchen cooking. Rather odd if you ask me, but I won't dwell on anything that happened in the past.

I walked back out into the living room, taking my seat back on my couch. I supposed that, after I ate, I could go out and do something. But I'm sure my brother would be returning - hopefully with Kiba - and then we could finish our conversation. Course, I hadn't exactly seen my brother in a long time, and it was sort of awkward trying to find something we could both discuss with each other. Because there certainly wasn't much I could say, and I already explained to him that I was in a relationship with Lee, and that we'd _done _something together just yesterday. Quite frankly, my ass still hurt from that, and walking back and forth between the living room and the kitchen was nothing but hell for me. Why did Kankuro have to take off with Kiba? _Why_? I realized they hadn't seen each other in some time, but yeesh - Lee asked him to come over to help me. And for what to happen? Him take off because Kankuro was too blind struck by the chance to have _sex _with him? Yes, of course. Let's wait for three minutes to pass... Now I'll go check my fries and the other side of my hamburger and hope they're both done and not too well done.

I got up and lo and behold, I've come up at the right time. My hamburger is done, and the fries aren't at all burned. I personally can't stand just a little bit of black on anything I eat, unless of course, it's going to become dark anyway. But oh well. I turned the burner off, pulled out the French fries, and proceeded to take out a plate for my hamburger. I set it up until I was satisfied with it and sat back out onto the couch, setting my plate in my lap. Akamaru whined at me, begging for my food. I frowned. It was annoying to see a whimpering dog begging for my food like a hobo, but it was pitiful because I didn't exactly have any dog food to fill a dog his size. Pomeranian compared to a St. Bernard on steroids? I really don't think their stomachs are the same size. I shrugged at him, telling him I didn't have anything, and in my mind, I wished that Kiba and Kankuro would come back.

I finished my food off in peace, save for a whimpering dog, and took care of my plate. I came back out and took a seat on my couch. I looked up at the clock and thought that maybe Lee would come home soon. _Lee_... I really wanted him to come home. Honestly, I _really _needed him. It felt awkward being home alone with someone else's dog - my brother's _boyfriend_ -, and plus, that fact alone just made me feel rather lonely. But... I really had no reason to.

Sometime passed. I finished my lunch, Akamaru was sleeping soundly, and there were no hints that Kankuro would come back with Kiba any time soon. In fact, seeing the giant hound sleeping so peacefully was making me rather drowsy as well. Perhaps a small nap wouldn't be costly at all; in fact, I definitely think I could use the sleep in the first place. What harm could it do? I was just being paranoid, hinting at something bad when there was no bad in the first place. I could feel my energy draining as I thought about shifting so that I was lying on my couch, having it embrace me into its comforts... I was losing my mind in bliss... Sleep.

When I came to, Lee was shaking me and whispering, "Panda," softly over and over again. I must admit that I grimaced at him just a tiny bit - he interrupted me from a really good dream.

"Hi…" I said groggily. Sleep was still apparent in my voice, and I wanted to sleep more.

Lee chuckled. "Did you have a good nap while I was gone?"

I nodded. Of course, since Lee has moved in with me, my sleep has improved rather immensely. It used to be, my nights were quite dreadful.

"Have you fed Toren yet?" he asked.

Toren… No, I haven't. Did I say this aloud? I don't think I did. I probably should. I shook my head – I didn't care to speak, truthfully.

Lee shook his head in slight disappointment, but mostly amusement. "Well, I suppose I can manage it. After all, you look rather out of it."

I nodded. Staying on the couch felt pleasant compared to anything else. I was sore as all hell – I didn't want to get up any more than I had to.

"Where… is Kiba?" Lee asked suddenly, his hands on his hips.

I rolled my eyes. "It was my mistake for calling Kankuro to come see him…"

Lee nodded once, slowly. "I see… Well, I suppose that is all right. I did come home not too long after they left, right?"

I nodded.

"Good." He seemed satisfied, at least. Well, Lee was a promising character.

_Unlike me…_ Sadly, truthfully, honestly, I was a disgrace to this society. Clad in worn clothes from sleeping, messy hair, a pitiful job, a lack of responsibility in some retrospect's, and a boyfriend far too good for me – I truly was a spoiled bitch.

"What are you thinking about, Panda?" Lee asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing important." I was telling the truth for the most part. He had no reason to suspect something. "When I heal up, I feel like taking a walk."

Lee chuckled. "Give it another three or four days and you'll be all right."

"Did you _really _have to be so rough with me?" I whined. But I really had no reason to. I'd enjoyed it, in all honesty. But the aftermath was no different than drinking: it was fun till you suffered from the hangover. And if you don't get hangovers, I would like to beat you in the head until you have a pounding headache, and then you'll know what it's like.

He playfully punched me on the shoulder when he sat down next to me (after I had taken the liberty of sitting up, of course). "It was not that bad," he protested.

"I didn't say it was bad," I corrected. "But being a little smoother and gentler with it might've been nice…"

"Well… Two men?" He looked skeptical. "I really doubt that any amount of gentleness could make the pain less apparent. It will stay there in the end, regardless of how gentle or rough you are."

"I can live with blowjobs," I declared nonchalantly.

Lee gaped. "But, but – You cannot honestly _expect _me to live _without _that, do you?"

"You're doing it now, aren't you?" Teasing him was far too easy, especially considering the topic.

He grimaced for a few seconds, but quickly dismissed it altogether. Lee just was not the type of person to hold any sort of grudge, or even stay angry unless it's someone that is discriminating against him, or his friends. I would assume Gai-Sensei as well, but I'm sure he can manage himself in those situations. With a wave of his hand, he declared the topic officially closed. "Save it for another day." Oh, sure. If you're winning, it's perfectly fine. But the moment _I _actually start to win, you give up and end it. Perfect.

I rolled my eyes when I heard him walk into the kitchen and grab something out of my fridge. It was still hard to put it together that he had moved in with me. So it was only natural that I feel somewhat irritated that he was raiding my poor refrigerator. "Lee, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Grabbing a bagel," he responded simply.

_Bagels_? I don't think I have bagels. I shouldn't anyway. My eyes went wide. Oh no! Those bagels are three months past their expiration date! I groaned to myself as I brought my hand to my face in disdain. I honestly cannot believe he hasn't noticed any difference in their appearance. Is he truly that blind?

"Lee!" I exclaimed.

"Hmm?" His voice sounded muffled.

_Great..._ _He's already eating them..._ "Lee! Those bagels are bad!"

"What do you mean?" he shouted back. "They taste fine!"

"You're going to get sick! Throw those things away! They're three months past the due date!"

There was a pause, and hurling noises. I considered jumping up to his aid, but there were two problems with that: One, I _hurt_, damn it; and two: He shouldn't have been so unobservant. It's his own fault. He put me in the situation I'm in now, and he put himself into his current situation. I'm not very nice, am I?


End file.
